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Psychologically losing my mind.


[Li...]

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I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I continuous have these episodes that I have only recently begun to label as panic attacks, which is the closest thing I can possibly relate it to. I notice that I keep having these obsessive negative thoughts, almost as if it is ALL I can think. I feel the anxiety beginning to rise, but I'm not actually afraid of anything and I do my best to distract and ignore it and then it eventually passes. But during these episodes, it feel as if my mind becomes locked and it just races with obsessive, negative thoughts about pretty much anything and everything. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for it and I don't seem to have the power to control or lessen it in anyway. It's not like any "panic attack" I have ever had in my life, as there doesn't seem to be a root fear, just chaotic racing thoughts, negative thoughts and a sense of dread and confusion.

 

I honestly hate who I've become now that I am going through this withdrawal. It's all I talk about, all that is ever on my mind and when I'm not discussing it or thinking about it, my mind is just plagued with negativity. It's basically all I am now and I am terrified that this is the new me and that I am just this way now as a reflection of everything that has happened to me during all of this.

 

It terrifies me that I'm not in control of my own mind, thoughts, or emotions. I can't continue to do this for months on end, I honestly don't think I will make it. It feels like I am psychologically damaged and in need of medication or serious therapy/hospitalization. I emotionally break down at the drop of a pin and I feel completely overwhelmed by even the smallest things, it just feels like I'm totally coming apart at the seams. I can't handle the slightest bit of rejection or I freak out and start to hammer myself inside my own head and start to consider suicide.

 

I'm well aware that these thoughts and this way of being is completely irrational and inappropriate, but even so, I don't seem to be able to do much to counter it or fix it. It just feels like I'm totally at the mercy of whatever is happening inside my brain.

 

I try to remind myself that I am not ALWAYS like this and even when I am, it isn't always to this extent. But it's becoming more and more difficult to remain rational and sane during all of this.

 

Should I really be feeling like this after being off of benzo's for over a month?

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[5f...]
I can relate to those feelings too. Every day I'm agitated and anxious then the feelings grow and I cry hysterically-feeling like a mad woman. I can't get a grip on anything...The withdrawal is all that's on my mind too...You're definitely not alone in those feelings; especially those where you think you need more meds or hospitalization...nothing feels right to me anymore...just want relief again and my old me back...Praying you get relief.
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That's been my main symptom for my whole taper and recovery. It's kind of like OCD thinking on overdrive and you have no control. I went to therapy and such but there's nothing you can do really. It's the physical change in your brain which is causing them. The only thing I have done is try to ignore them and started working again and doing other things to fill up my days so I'm not focusing on it. They are slowly leaving.

 

It's horrible. I was self medicating to stop them but in the end that made it worse.

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Thank you for the replies. It really helps to know that I'm not alone. That was a horrible wave I was having earlier. It all kinda melts away sometimes at night, which I am thankful for. Hard to enjoy because I am exhausted now, but I'll take it.
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I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I continuous have these episodes that I have only recently begun to label as panic attacks, which is the closest thing I can possibly relate it to. I notice that I keep having these obsessive negative thoughts, almost as if it is ALL I can think. I feel the anxiety beginning to rise, but I'm not actually afraid of anything and I do my best to distract and ignore it and then it eventually passes. But during these episodes, it feel as if my mind becomes locked and it just races with obsessive, negative thoughts about pretty much anything and everything. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for it and I don't seem to have the power to control or lessen it in anyway. It's not like any "panic attack" I have ever had in my life, as there doesn't seem to be a root fear, just chaotic racing thoughts, negative thoughts and a sense of dread and confusion.

 

I honestly hate who I've become now that I am going through this withdrawal. It's all I talk about, all that is ever on my mind and when I'm not discussing it or thinking about it, my mind is just plagued with negativity. It's basically all I am now and I am terrified that this is the new me and that I am just this way now as a reflection of everything that has happened to me during all of this.

 

It terrifies me that I'm not in control of my own mind, thoughts, or emotions. I can't continue to do this for months on end, I honestly don't think I will make it. It feels like I am psychologically damaged and in need of medication or serious therapy/hospitalization. I emotionally break down at the drop of a pin and I feel completely overwhelmed by even the smallest things, it just feels like I'm totally coming apart at the seams. I can't handle the slightest bit of rejection or I freak out and start to hammer myself inside my own head and start to consider suicide.

 

I'm well aware that these thoughts and this way of being is completely irrational and inappropriate, but even so, I don't seem to be able to do much to counter it or fix it. It just feels like I'm totally at the mercy of whatever is happening inside my brain.

 

I try to remind myself that I am not ALWAYS like this and even when I am, it isn't always to this extent. But it's becoming more and more difficult to remain rational and sane during all of this.

 

Should I really be feeling like this after being off of benzo's for over a month?

 

All of this is classic benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is good news and bad news, I suppose.  Good news because it will go away with more time and bad news because it's there right now.  And yes, a month or so off is very early.  The first month off is the worst for most people and then it should begin to slowly get better.

 

I'd like you to keep the following information close by in case the suicidal feelings you mention in your post happen again, and they might.  They are common feelings but must be taken seriously: Self Harm Support Links.  Suicidal thoughts are one of the few subjects we do ask our members not post post about due to other members' sensitivity to the subject.  Sorry to ask this, however, it's just one of the forum's guidelines.

 

Distractions can help immensely if you can remember to consciously turn your thoughts and actions away from whatever's going on with symptoms.  Easier said than done, I know, but even the games in Off Topic can be distracting for awhile.

 

Challis  :smitten:

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I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I continuous have these episodes that I have only recently begun to label as panic attacks, which is the closest thing I can possibly relate it to. I notice that I keep having these obsessive negative thoughts, almost as if it is ALL I can think. I feel the anxiety beginning to rise, but I'm not actually afraid of anything and I do my best to distract and ignore it and then it eventually passes. But during these episodes, it feel as if my mind becomes locked and it just races with obsessive, negative thoughts about pretty much anything and everything. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for it and I don't seem to have the power to control or lessen it in anyway. It's not like any "panic attack" I have ever had in my life, as there doesn't seem to be a root fear, just chaotic racing thoughts, negative thoughts and a sense of dread and confusion.

 

I honestly hate who I've become now that I am going through this withdrawal. It's all I talk about, all that is ever on my mind and when I'm not discussing it or thinking about it, my mind is just plagued with negativity. It's basically all I am now and I am terrified that this is the new me and that I am just this way now as a reflection of everything that has happened to me during all of this.

 

It terrifies me that I'm not in control of my own mind, thoughts, or emotions. I can't continue to do this for months on end, I honestly don't think I will make it. It feels like I am psychologically damaged and in need of medication or serious therapy/hospitalization. I emotionally break down at the drop of a pin and I feel completely overwhelmed by even the smallest things, it just feels like I'm totally coming apart at the seams. I can't handle the slightest bit of rejection or I freak out and start to hammer myself inside my own head and start to consider suicide.

 

I'm well aware that these thoughts and this way of being is completely irrational and inappropriate, but even so, I don't seem to be able to do much to counter it or fix it. It just feels like I'm totally at the mercy of whatever is happening inside my brain.

 

I try to remind myself that I am not ALWAYS like this and even when I am, it isn't always to this extent. But it's becoming more and more difficult to remain rational and sane during all of this.

 

Should I really be feeling like this after being off of benzo's for over a month?

 

All of this is classic benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is good news and bad news, I suppose.  Good news because it will go away with more time and bad news because it's there right now.  And yes, a month or so off is very early.  The first month off is the worst for most people and then it should begin to slowly get better.

 

I'd like you to keep the following information close by in case the suicidal feelings you mention in your post happen again, and they might.  They are common feelings but must be taken seriously: Self Harm Support Links.  Suicidal thoughts are one of the few subjects we do ask our members not post post about due to other members' sensitivity to the subject.  Sorry to ask this, however, it's just one of the forum's guidelines.

 

Distractions can help immensely if you can remember to consciously turn your thoughts and actions away from whatever's going on with symptoms.  Easier said than done, I know, but even the games in Off Topic can be distracting for awhile.

 

Challis  :smitten:

 

I'm very sorry. My intention was never to trigger anyone and I didn't even think about it. The post was made in the midst of a really bad moment and I was just looking for some hope/relief. I'll be careful about mentioning that from now on. Thank you!

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