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18 month off update. Comments/experiences welcome


[Er...]

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I'll be 18 months off next week. Since I was a short term user I thought for sure I would be  writing my success story by now. Unfortunately that's not the case even though I am a lot better than I was.  I think the years of moderate to heavy and binge drinking really affected my GABA. Add that to the large doses of Benzos I was given in a short period of time and the fact that I was on omeprazole (a PPI for heartburn) which raises blood levels of benzos really screwed me up fast.

 

I've had all kinds of sxs come and go and around the 6 month mark I really felt I was on my way to being healed. I was probably 85% by then. But in the last year I feel like I've not made much progress. The 4am surges are mostly gone and I haven't had one in at least a month I think. The "benzo flu" days where I feel like death have only happened 2 times this year (1 in march and one in may I think) I felt pretty darn good in the month of January. But for nearly a year I seem to have the same lingering sxs almost daily:

 

- muscle twitches. This has been my most prevalent sx since the very beginning. They come and go all over the body with no rhyme or reason. They aren't painful or anything. They happen more in the hands but they'll all over.

- health anxiety. Every little thing seems to scare me and remind me of what I'm going through and cause me to think "what if it's something else"

- shaking/tremors. Sometimes when I use my muscle they will shake or tremor a little. Not terrible, but it is still there. I do seem to still have the same strength and grip strength at least. These seem to get a little worse after working the muscle.

- dizziness: this is minor but there a lot. If I move my eyes certain ways it will trigger a little dizziness. It kinda reminds me of the brain zaps I had when I was on Effexor many years ago but to a much lower extent.

 

There have been others come and go. The frustrating thing is I still feel like I did a year ago! I'll have a few weeks slightly better and then a very small slide back to probably 85%-90%. I feel like I'll never be back to 100%! I haven't been really doing anything as far as diet goes but I haven't drank at all except non-alcoholic beer every now and then and I usually even keep those to 3-4 in a night when I do drink them. Anyone else get stuck for months at a time?? Thanks all and good luck!

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hi eric, i'm only at 8 months, but just wanted to say congrats on making it to 18 months and so glad you are feeling 85-90%. sorry you are feeling stuck, but i'm sure you are still healing so stay strong and keep going!!
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Thank you.

 

And of course I woke up this morning feeling a little toxic.  Not at 4am but it was a sx I get sometimes but it is a while.  It's hard to describe.  It's like some heat and some internal electrical/vibrating feelings I guess is how I would describe it.

 

 

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So you did four 2mg ativan and eight 10mg valium. Do i have this right? Have you had a complete physical with blood work etc? If not i highly recommend you do so because from what you describe it is highly unlikely what you are experiencing is benzo related given you used only a few days. Hardcore benzo withdrawal at 18 months after only a few days use? Thats crazy.  Has anyone suggested you get a complete physical? Unless you are 1 in a billion there is no way you should feel this way over 10ish days use. You are a very curious case young man! Please reply with your medical history. I dont intend to sound harsh its just that i truly believe you have something else going on medically and im curious what it could be and wish you health.
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So you did four 2mg ativan and eight 10mg valium. Do i have this right? Have you had a complete physical with blood work etc? If not i highly recommend you do so because from what you describe it is highly unlikely what you are experiencing is benzo related given you used only a few days. Hardcore benzo withdrawal at 18 months after only a few days use? Thats crazy.  Has anyone suggested you get a complete physical? Unless you are 1 in a billion there is no way you should feel this way over 10ish days use. You are a very curious case young man! Please reply with your medical history. I dont intend to sound harsh its just that i truly believe you have something else going on medically and im curious what it could be and wish you health.

 

3 full blood tests (the last one a year after the 2nd one), a testosterone test, and a few visits with a cardiologist and everything is fine except the tachycardia and BP. I just think my GABA was fried from alcohol and starting at a higher that average dose (20mg V) a week after I quit alcohol, and then reinstating 30 days after my first failed taper did a number on me. I've always had a very tough time coming off of things. Effexor was pure even in my late 20's when I quit.

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Also, looking back at it, I was definitely going through alcohol withdrawal prior to quitting alcohol and starting benzos for probably close to a year during the mornings because I wouldn't drink until I got home from work but mornings could be rough sometimes. Classic alcohol withdrawal sxs. That's also why I feel like I had a panic attack a week after I decided to quit alcohol. I felt bad all week until that panic attack. As soon as I got that V shot in the hospital I felt great again. Then all of these sxs started as soon as I started the taper. The timelines just coincide perfectly.
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I know a lot of short term users this happened to.  I think it's more genetics or something else at play than duration of use.  I also know tons of people who used for extremely long periods of time that came off with no problem.  You can read my signature and that will give you the highlights of my story.

 

Rob

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Eric you could be talking about me l feel the same right down to the bit were you thought you were almost there. I am going through a wave now and as you can see l am not far behind you, it is scary enough at this stage without someone saying it could be something else.love Katrinax
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So you did four 2mg ativan and eight 10mg valium. Do i have this right? Have you had a complete physical with blood work etc? If not i highly recommend you do so because from what you describe it is highly unlikely what you are experiencing is benzo related given you used only a few days. Hardcore benzo withdrawal at 18 months after only a few days use? Thats crazy.  Has anyone suggested you get a complete physical? Unless you are 1 in a billion there is no way you should feel this way over 10ish days use. You are a very curious case young man! Please reply with your medical history. I dont intend to sound harsh its just that i truly believe you have something else going on medically and im curious what it could be and wish you health.

Wrong!!! It make me  mad :tickedoff:  when I see posts like this  scaring the shit out of people with what's nothing more than a very WRONG!! personal opinion with NO scientific or other evidence to back it up. Some people have huge problems after a few days use at very small doses and its not uncommon either, and this person here got messed up bad after taking a few benzos over 2.1/2 weeks and after 3 year's just wrote a success story  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183087.0

 

 

 

Nova 

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Thanks all.  I know it has to be W/D still.  While the sxs can mimic other things, I'm not regressing and the sxs still jump around.  Add that to the timeline of it matching exactly when I started this journey and here I am.  I just wish I could convince my mind that it is all w/d.
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So you did four 2mg ativan and eight 10mg valium. Do i have this right? Have you had a complete physical with blood work etc? If not i highly recommend you do so because from what you describe it is highly unlikely what you are experiencing is benzo related given you used only a few days. Hardcore benzo withdrawal at 18 months after only a few days use? Thats crazy.  Has anyone suggested you get a complete physical? Unless you are 1 in a billion there is no way you should feel this way over 10ish days use. You are a very curious case young man! Please reply with your medical history. I dont intend to sound harsh its just that i truly believe you have something else going on medically and im curious what it could be and wish you health.

Wrong!!! It make me  mad :tickedoff:  when I see posts like this  scaring the shit out of people with what's nothing more than a very WRONG!! personal opinion with NO scientific or other evidence to back it up. Some people have huge problems after a few days use at very small doses and its not uncommon either, and this person here got messed up bad after taking a few benzos over 2.1/2 weeks and after 3 year's just wrote a success story  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183087.0

 

 

 

Nova

 

Chill out nova. I didnt say the op was lying as you seem to surmise. You need to understand that there has been millions upon millions of short term benzo users thru the decades of benzo use who had only minor wd symptoms if any at all after only a few days use. I stand by my original statement that suffering extreme wd symptoms at 18 months out after only a few days use IS exceedingly rare given the millions of people who have used benzos for a few days without suffering withdrawals for 18 months and counting. I was simply curious if the op had ever considered it could be something else going on besides benzo wd because it is rare what he is experiencing.  I didnt write my original post to "scare the shit out of people" as you stated,  rather i made the post out of genuine concern that the op may have another pysical ailment going on. I have never read of anybody experiencing severe withdrawal for 18 months after a few days use before  Eric posted this thread. Have you? Please point me to even one example where someone used benzos for 3 days and suffered for over 18 months horrific wd symptoms. Id love to read it.  I can understand a few days of heightened nerves withdrawal symptoms after a few days use but 18 months of hardcore withdrawal after 3 days use? That is beyond rare. Even for this website. You saying "its not uncommon to have huge problems after a few days use" is WRONG nova. Some people may have a minor problem after a few days use but it IS very uncommon for someone to have "huge problems" (especially for 18 months!) after a few days use as you stated. I didnt say NOBODY has never had any problems after 3 days use i said it is exceedingly rare whereas you seem to think it happens to most people which simply isnt true. One person on this website having horrific wd symptoms after a few days use for 18 months doesnt qualify as being "not uncommon"-because there are millions upon millions of other benzo users who HAVENT suffered horrific withdrawals for 18 months after only a few days use who dont get on this website. There is a huge difference between a "few" days use and using for a month or more. Understand?

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Hi EricSS.. I was doing pretty good over winter but when i decided to try prog cream and taper off remeron, i fell apart. so gonna wait on that. im 17 and half mo off. This month has been harder and harder. many days i felt 90% and 4 or 5 crashes last few weeks. mine feel like go down to 50%

I know its hard to tell yourself its wd. Think Im broken w mental/emotional prob that manifests in body.Feel i have zero stress threshold. bf thinks now it may just be im broken. hes sick of it and i then feel worse complain more and he has to do more work here and gets meaner - vicious circle. My fears and sx get huge!

today is bad

sorry youre still fighting too. i hope you have support around you.

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Windwalked, I think the problem was that I stopped and started and kindled myself

 

Stopped alcohol (1st cold turkey)

1 week later during alcohol withdrawal started Ativan and Valium for 9 days (1st quick taper)

4 days after I stopped I  started Valium again for 8 days (2nd quick taper) because I couldn't take it

19 days of pure hell later I started again and did a 3 month taped.

 

I think if I would have just pushed through the alcohol w/d I would have been ok. But going C/T off alcohol, starting Benzo a week later, then doing 2 failed quick tapers followed by 3 more months did s number on my CNS

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