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I am on 6mg of diazepam, amongst other things. I tried a big cut because the doctor said I had to, but it went badly wrong and now I can't get away from morbid thoughts. I am not permitted to mention the type on here. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't go on any more. Please help.
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Thanks Meeks, you're a sweetheart for replying. I was relatively okay a few weeks ago and then I cut too big. How do you cope? I think the Thoughts, then I think about how much I love my family and then I'm in tears, like now. I don't know what to do.
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I have morbid thoughts too.  I didn't realize you can't mention them on here.  Trying to ignore them just makes them worse, so I just let them be there and try to get up and so something, anything (laundry, dishes, tv show, get outside, a bath) and eventually they go away.  I saw a great youtube video about beating OCD and intrusive thoughts.  The takeaway was that the problem with negative thoughts aren't the thoughts themselves, but the meaning you assign to them.  He said to try to just have the thoughts, let them be there, but don't give them meaning or power.  It's hard to do, but it makes sense.  Search beating OCD or intrusive thoughts on Youtube and you will find some great stuff.
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Another sweetheart! Thank you Kate. I know what you mean. I have just been sorting my tablets out for the week (I have a meds wallet because my memory is so bad) and I had to concentrate a bit. The Thoughts were still there but somehow more distant. I will try out what you say, though I know it's not easy.

No, if you 'name' what I'm talking about then usually a mod comes on and tells you that you aren't allowed to mention it. It is  because they think it will upset other members. It's one of the few things I disagree with. I think many buddies have these thoughts and it helps others to know they are not the only ones.

Thanks once again. I hope you feel better soon.

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Meems, I'm sorry my spellchecker called you Meeks. I've just seen it now. Gx

 

I didn't even notice, its no biggie.

 

How do I cope? I don't think I am.  I dont' know what to do or how I am gonna make it out of this mess alive.

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Hey Gilly/Meems...

As best you can, try to KNOW that this is chemical and medication (or lack of)... It is not you, or a true perspective... They are Benzo lies, and you WILL get better in time...

 

There was a period that I had to Force myself to remember this every time I woke up... often for quite some time...

 

Stay strong Gilly...

:)

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It always feels like the end in the moment, but the problem for me is that I don't live in the moments. I can imagine enduring one hour - or one day - of torture. It's the overwhelming hopelessness of feeling it will never get better that really drains me. But it always does get better. If I can just take it one hour at a time and go to bed every night in the firm hope that a better tomorrow will come, eventually, it always does. Also, the magnesium drink "Natural Calm" and chamomile tea do help calm the onslaught of horrible thoughts and ease my mind - not dramatically, but every bit helps! I hope you wake up to a better day soon!
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I get the exact same thoughts - and am on a similar dose to you. Just know that you are not alone and your feelings are a normal response to withdrawal.
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Thanks guys, you are wonderful. Saw psych nurse today. He said that he had looked at the Ashton manual because I mentioned it. I was impressed. Anyway, he hasn't really told me anything I don't already know. I've had to give my tablets to my bf. Will try to be strong but am really struggling still.
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I am on 6mg of diazepam, amongst other things. I tried a big cut because the doctor said I had to, but it went badly wrong and now I can't get away from morbid thoughts. I am not permitted to mention the type on here. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't go on any more. Please help.

 

Hello there.  :)

 

Those thoughts, that sort of thinking and then the worry about it were a major part of my benzo journey.  Looking back

I can see that the worry about the bad thoughts was the healthy me wanting to be known and to take over.  That real

you will take over.  :)

 

With time, and a gradual taper, and then more time, those thoughts lift away and become a part of the healing, some of

it even being understood as to why this or that content, etc. 

 

Stay the course.  Do things you like to do.  Like yourself.  :thumbsup:  You're on the way to healing and health not all

that far down the road. 

 

- Jeepy

 

 

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Yes morbid thoughts how lovely they are  :-\

You are doing great on you're cutting 4gilliblossom6  :thumbsup:

 

My taper is slooooow. The morbid thoughts just comes and goes.

More now when I've lost my mother. Feeling like a baby again.

I take one hour at time, thinking that tomorrow I might feel better.

That's all we can do really.

This to will pass  :)

 

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I'm not exactly sure if this is what you are getting at, but suicidal ideation (thoughts of killing yourself), are one of the more common withdrawal symptoms. It would be counterproductive to forbid any discussion of it on this forum. I never had thoughts like that until withdrawal, and for several months in a acute withdrawal it's all that I could think about. If this is the case for anyone, you need to tell someone and make sure that you have proper support. If you are doing a safe taper, nothing in withdrawal is actually life threatening, it just feels like it and whatever symptoms you currently have will eventually fade. It's the way this work, the only thing really in question is how long it's going to take. The true danger with this is someone taking their own life. Think of the thoughts as just being another withdrawal symptom that you are going to get past in time. It's just a reaction to the drug and it's been helpful for me to think of all withdrawal is simply the signal my CNS is getting to upregulate. Hang in there!
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I'm not exactly sure if this is what you are getting at, but suicidal ideation (thoughts of killing yourself), are one of the more common withdrawal symptoms. It would be counterproductive to forbid any discussion of it on this forum. I never had thoughts like that until withdrawal, and for several months in a acute withdrawal it's all that I could think about. If this is the case for anyone, you need to tell someone and make sure that you have proper support. If you are doing a safe taper, nothing in withdrawal is actually life threatening, it just feels like it and whatever symptoms you currently have will eventually fade. It's the way this work, the only thing really in question is how long it's going to take. The true danger with this is someone taking their own life. Think of the thoughts as just being another withdrawal symptom that you are going to get past in time. It's just a reaction to the drug and it's been helpful for me to think of all withdrawal is simply the signal my CNS is getting to upregulate. Hang in there!

 

Great post!! Thank you.

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I'm so sorry about your mother, Me2. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

 

jjrosk, yes, that is exactly what I am talking about. But whenever I've talked about it before, a mod has always pulled me about it, though I agree with you that it is counterproductive.

 

Now that you have mentioned someone taking their own life, I am panicking big time again. I am terrified of it. So scared that I won't be able to take this any more.

 

Thanks both of you for getting back to me. Gxxx

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I'm so sorry about your mother, Me2. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

 

jjrosk, yes, that is exactly what I am talking about. But whenever I've talked about it before, a mod has always pulled me about it, though I agree with you that it is counterproductive.

 

Now that you have mentioned someone taking their own life, I am panicking big time again. I am terrified of it. So scared that I won't be able to take this any more.

 

Thanks both of you for getting back to me. Gxxx

 

Thank you for your kind words  :smitten:

Do not be afraid of those thoughts please!

I have them, but I think to myself it's the WD talking in my head.

I would never harm myself. Well I did when I started using benzo.

If you have a strong will to harm yourself then you must talk to someone close to you.

It is part of benzo withdrawal and you are not crazy. Just a human trying hard to get out of benzo and be free.

And you will, you will be fine  :thumbsup:

 

 

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I'm so sorry about your mother, Me2. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

 

jjrosk, yes, that is exactly what I am talking about. But whenever I've talked about it before, a mod has always pulled me about it, though I agree with you that it is counterproductive.

 

Now that you have mentioned someone taking their own life, I am panicking big time again. I am terrified of it. So scared that I won't be able to take this any more.

 

Thanks both of you for getting back to me. Gxxx

 

I'm not scolding or posting in an official mod capacity, just saying that this is exactly why suicidal ideation, even veiled references as there are in this thread, are topics we ask our members not to discuss.  No forum that I know of allows it.  It is too much of a trigger.

 

 

Gilly, I'm sorry things have gone south again... hugs from across the ocean.

Chal  :smitten:

 

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I am on 6mg of diazepam, amongst other things. I tried a big cut because the doctor said I had to, but it went badly wrong and now I can't get away from morbid thoughts. I am not permitted to mention the type on here. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't go on any more. Please help.

 

 

Find a new one at all costs and print a copy of Ashton for him/her to read. If he/she is not on board, find another Dr.

 

edit: removed profanity

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You've really scared me now. Tried ringing my psych nurse but he's gone home and will be back in tomorrow.

 

I have had windows recently, despite being on all these drugs.

 

Another psych nurse told me that I should give up diazepam and then give up Quetiapine.

 

Thanks.

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You've really scared me now. Tried ringing my psych nurse but he's gone home and will be back in tomorrow.

 

I have had windows recently, despite being on all these drugs.

 

Another psych nurse told me that I should give up diazepam and then give up Quetiapine.

 

Thanks.

 

Gilly,

 

Please don't be scared. You are hearing one person's opinion, not fact.  No one can personally know you and what you are going through, not on an internet forum. You are going to be OK, breathe, breathe.

 

Other people's experiences might not be yours.  If it were me I would focus on my taper and think about the other medications later. 

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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