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Overwhelmed


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I am really struggling.  I recently had a bad cut and finally updosed after 5 or 6 wks and actually stabilized with my updose and felt pretty good.  Then I tried a smaller cut, but clearly not small enough.  I only waited a few days this time, and updosed again, but still feeling terrible.  I thought it was getting better...but last night was awful w/ the hypnic jerks and depressed again this morning.  I am so darn sick of this and so sick of "hanging in there" and having to fight this constantly.  It's been 10 days now since this updose. But will I stabilize again here???  I am just so frustrated and feel overwhelmed.  I don't even feel like doing my coping techniques.  I feel like this will never end and I will just live this suffering miserable life.  It's just too much right now.  Sorry for all the negativity....I hate how I become this negative self-pitying person during w/d.  Thanks for reading.
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I'm tapering Librium too. It is very difficult at times. What has really worked well for me is doing a daily micro-taper. I get the capsules of Librium. Not sure what you have. There is ~165mg of Librium powder per 5mg capsule. I drop 7mg a day and hold when I need to. I'm also tapering Suboxone right now, as well and phenibut and gabapentin....but rather methodically. It's pretty insane actually.

But it is at my pace. I'm also doing other things to speed up the healing process that work. Yoga and meditation. Other drugs and supplements. It's a process and a daily struggle. One thing I notice is lately, I feel alone. Even on BB I feel alienated. I feel like I cannot relate to others on this forum. I just come here to kill time and live day to day waiting for this to end. I just associate benzo wd and my addiction to other drugs with so much pain that I can't see things clearly. I literally just post everyday to show that I am still here. That I survived another f'king day.

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Thx Mamoot for the support.  I wish I could taper as fast as you!

I am ready to switch to daily MT - but not sure how to stabilize 1st...

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You can taper as fast as you are willing I guess. I recommend doing daily cuts. It just works better for speed, healing, and overall results. And just hold for a few days or however many days you need when necessary. Just don't hold too long or you lose momentum. It's a battle. Tapering has become a sport to me because lowering Suboxone can add insult to the injury in the form of anhedonia. It's like sadomasochism without any payoff. I'm holding right now because things are getting hard. It took me a long time to get this strong though. My reoccurring nerve pain has pretty much changed me in ways I can't comprehend. I'm just wondering how to get to the next level and mentally block pain. I need to get off benzos first. Librium is a bitch but I'm sure Valium is not easier. Librium is extremely hard to quit because the smallest capsules is 5mg. If I could go back I would not of crossed over and stayed on clonazepam. I would of been off a long time ago. I even had a liquid solution of clonazepam that I compounded myself with Orablend. The stupid Ashton Manual messed everything up. Not saying the Ashton Manuel isn't good but this cross over bs may be nonsense if you do a reasonable daily taper. I just feel like I've prolonged everything and made it worse by obsessing over tapering
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