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[Me...]

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I am NOT getting stable back at .5mg WHY NOT!!! I woke up at like 3 something, rolled around, was hot then cold then the shits started. 

 

I am full of anxiety again. I took my dose at 6 a.m early for me. Then I fell back asleep for maaaaybe an hour. I had some dreams, that I kind of remember which I normally don't.  Woke up at 8 a.m feeling the same as I did before I took the damn K at 6 a.m. WTH is going on?

 

I don't know how I am gonna make it. I literally feel like I am going go lose my mind and I'am so scared. I just feel ready to freak out!!  I really feel like I am gonna go crazy and I am so scared right now.

 

I can't do this by myself.  :'( :'(

 

I think I want to go back to taking it at night, how do I do that? I always took it at night until in april when I forgot to take it and then decided to taper.

 

I am sobbing and screaming literally freaking out!! i feel really unstable in my head!!

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Meems,

 

I'm sorry... Try to breathe. They say to breathe through your belly, I never learnt it.

 

Write down all the good things you still have in life. That benzos have not taken away.

 

You may scrawl, does not matter. Maybe write in capital letters and put the list in front of you.

 

The list should be succint. Read it from time to time.

 

Then write down your emotions. Try to recall what has happened recently that may have triggered this. It's all in your head.

 

If you can't take it anymore - there is always this option to reinstate a small amount.

 

I find that writing to ppl here calms me down. I help myself by helping others.

 

As much as I can.

 

My thoughts are with you. I shall stay here a while and will monitor your post.

 

You are young and pretty. Isn't it great? It's a blessing.

 

I'm sure there are plenty of ppl here who will be trying to help. Try to calm down.

 

Repeat to yourself: "This will pass". "My head is cheating on me."

 

Hugs, I'm here for a while. I'm thinking about you.

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Hi Meems,

 

So very sorry you are going through so much right now.  Are you taking the .5mg once a day right now?  Did you feel better taking it at night? You may be going through interdose withdrawal.  Can you split the dose and take half in the morning and half in the evening?  I had to split my K dose and it helped keep a more even amount in my system and helped take the edge off my symptoms a little bit.  I wasn't able to get stable at the very low doses of my taper and had to keep titrating down.  It was very tough but, I felt my baseline getting better despite all the awful withdrawal symptoms.

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That reminds me a lot of when I hit the tolerance on the Valium and was waking up in a cold sweat and then took another pill but really didn't do much at all. I thought the pills were bad and once read the numbers on the pills to make 100 percent sure they were actually Valium. If the K dose is not therapeutic at all that could be the case. Only way I felt better was by lowering the dose.
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Yes I take it once a day. How do I go about splitting it? won't I feel worse when I do that? cuz I won't be taking the full amount at once?

 

I don't think being at home is good for me, or else I am just in a REALLY bad wave the last few days. IDFK

 

I am scared to stay here and I am scared to cut any amount.  I don't feel like I am gonna make this out alive. My thoughts are dark and scary.

 

Thanks everyone. I jsut dnn't know what to do.

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K has a half-life of 19-60 hrs.

 

Splitting the dose may help you psychologically.

 

It could be a solution.

 

I can imagine how you feel. Perfectly.

 

You're brave to go through this awake.

 

I would escape into sleep.

 

Cause taking V during the day is not an option anymore.

 

I hate the apathy and the depression it gives me.

 

"Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass."

 

Take care, Meems.

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Are you still using a tablet or did you switch to a liquid?  Do you feel better after taking the dose you are on now in the morning but, feel worse later in the evening?  Splitting the dose  wouldn't be a cut but, it might take some time for your body to get used to the change.  I can't remember if I felt worse at first, but my body got used to having a more stable amount in my system. 

 

How long have you been holding at the .5mg dose?  Sometimes a hold will help stabilize but, other times not so much.  I learned on the klonopin klub thread that eventually, I had to continue reducing the dose, despite the symptoms, when a hold wasn't helping. I was  so scared but, thought it best to taper off since it was such a small dose and wasn't doing me any good anymore.  I figured my body could heal better once off the drug completely.

 

Please hang in there and know that it is possible to keep cutting and recovering, even through all the horrible withdrawal symptoms.  The windows and waves will continue.  Our bodies' are trying so hard to re-balance everything and recover.  I rely on every coping skill I can learn and find the success inspirational because, they have been in our shoes and recovered. They give me the hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, and often hour by hour.

 

Sending you support and a hug.

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I don't really have the experience to advise... I'm on a different drug... at a different dose but my symptoms and feelings about tapering are the same .  I updosed snd almost quit in March.... knowing full well the drug was making me sick and depressed and anxious as hell.  I soon realized that if I was EVER going to feel better that I had to keep cutting snd eventually get off.  I'm terrified every day... terrified of every cut.... I don't want to leave the house.. I have thoughts my family would be better without me... my life has unraveled to my couch.  I want better. I've been up since 3am and my family is going to the shore this weekend.  I'm staying home.  I'm not telling you all this to pity myself.. I'm telling you I UNDERSTAND .  If you want to feel like you again... you need to keep cutting at whatever rate your brain can handle .  Perhaps others on K can be more specific ... I just want you to know that this sucks and you are not alone .  As a friend on here would say get off the monster.  It's hard... be well
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Thanks everyone.. BO I am still on tablet I wanted to get stable before I try the liquid.

 

Healing seeker I relate to everything you wrote.

 

If I am taking .5mg in the a.m how should I go about splitting it up? I am scared to do it, I am afraid I am gonna feel worse. But maybe you're right and it would make it better.

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Hey, I'm with you. I'm thinking about you.

 

Gonna check your time zone in a second.

 

8.43 p.m. here.

 

You're not alone, Meems.

 

I'm just in the kitchen doing household chores.

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Hey, I'm with you. I'm thinking about you.

 

Gonna check your time zone in a second.

 

8.43 p.m. here.

 

You're not alone, Meems.

 

I'm just in the kitchen doing household chores.

 

Its 1:48pm here and thanks for your support.

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Memes to add a little levity.....I just made a groomers appointment for my very hairy golden retriever for tomorrow........the dog hairs are driving me out of my house.  My doctor just called me....I told her this and she told me I made her day.  Priorities!!!!!

 

Check with me tomorrow to see if I kept the appointment.....I bet I do....my type A personality got me into this mess.....maybe it can help me get out.

 

As my friend once told me....don't freak out....figure it out... 

wish I had figured this out about benzos a long time ago......be well

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Hi - something that works for me to help calm myself when my mind is racing is lying on my bed or couch, closing my eyes and breathing in and out.  When I breathe in I say 'I am' and when I breathe out I say 'at peace'.  I do that for as long as I need to feel my body start to calm.  I do the same when I'm driving, walking, shopping, talking with people.  If I feel mind start to race I do it and it helps.  Seems so simple but it has saved me in moments of crisis many times.  I taught that to my 7 year old as she is often anxious (like her mom) and she has told me that is helps her at school, going to bed, when she's scared.  Breathe.  And remember, this is temporary.  As much as it feels like it will never end.  It is just temporary.  And brighter tomorrows await.
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Thanks everyone.. BO I am still on tablet I wanted to get stable before I try the liquid.

 

Healing seeker I relate to everything you wrote.

 

If I am taking .5mg in the a.m how should I go about splitting it up? I am scared to do it, I am afraid I am gonna feel worse. But maybe you're right and it would make it better.

 

Instead of splitting it- have you considered taking it again at night only? You should be fine since the half life is so long. My best to you- remember that "the only way out is through"  :smitten:

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My very humble suggestion would be to go back to nighttime dosing.

 

Ask you asked Noles 'Yes I have Noles but how do I go about that? ' about any way you can ....

 

I know it can be hard to skip the morning dose. Maybe take some extra for a day, put the taper on hold (K has a long half lfie), stabilize, and continue ?

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You actually have cut quite a bit in a  short time and maybe you need more of an updose and then hold. That's what I did and it is working pretty well most days. I will likely end up holding almost a year--but who cares, it solved the crazy taper problems. I would rather this take long and finish then not finish at all. I think it takes a long time for our brain to catch up to our taper speed, and I personally cannot let this ruin my whole life.

 

I probably wouldn't split a dose. If you want to move to night I would say just take one tonight and then go back to nighttime dosing. You will have some "extra" in your system but if you are suffering this much it might help.

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Yes I have Noles but how do I go about that?

 

 

I would stick it out and take your doses at night. I would also consider holding for a while meems. You have dropped quite a bit pretty quickly and I think i6s just catching up to you. I held for a month in January and felt so much better. Also try and do anything you can to help you stay calm- hot tea, relaxation, soft music, etc. you can do this  :smitten:

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Taking the dose at night might help your sleep too.  I agree that you should just stay at .5mg for a few more weeks and see how that goes.
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You are gonna be ok. You will get stable. Sometimes it takes the body a little while.

Your mind is in that withdrawal bad bad place. It's the drug, not you. Remember this.

 

You can do it

You will do it

 

 

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Hey Meems,

 

I hope today is gonna be better for you.

 

Taking K at night depends if you suffer more from insomnia or from anxiety.

 

I don't feel anxious in the daytime. Rather extremely frustrated with myself and my inability to get things done. Lots of apathy. Depression.

 

Valium would only exacerbate this.

 

I'm 100% sure the nightly dose of V is in my system, due to its very long half-life (up to 200 hrs).

 

Things become unberable only when I have hot flashes and neck pain (severe discopathy, requiring surgical intervention since 2014).

 

I use non-addictive pain killers for neck pain and air-conditioning for hot flashes.

 

You've been on benzos 4 yrs. That's not a very long time. You're already aware of your addiction and fighting.

 

I used to take benzos for like 10 yrs without being aware of my addiction. Overall, I have taken them for about 15 yrs.

 

You're not on a hefty dose. I'm quite confident you'll free yourself.

 

You had a very traumatic event this year. You also need time to heal from that.

 

You've built a wonderful network of support here.

 

I think you need a good therapist once a week. And maybe a benzo-wise pdoc who will not talk you into taking new psychotropic meds.

 

Cause the amount of K you take can be prescribed by a GP, I believe? It's not a huge amount.

 

Hoping you have a better day!

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I cut my tablet in half and took half in the morning and the other half at bedtime.  Was able to use a syringe with ml marks on it to taper the liquid.  Found the liquid taper more accurate and easier than cutting pills (for me).  Other folks have tapered by weighing their pill on a scale.  Hang in there!!
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