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Benzo-related apathy


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Valium has made me so lazy and demotivated. I completely lack drive to do anything. Anything.

 

Any household chore is a torture. Going out is unthinkable.

 

I live alone, so there's no stimulus another person could provide. But I can only live alone.

 

I'm on 20mg Prozac as well. But it does not seem to help whatsoever.

 

I had incredible energy on Prozac without Valium.

 

Does anyone experience this?

 

I take Valium for sleep, Prozac in the morning.

 

Can't take Prozac at night, cause it's supposed to be activating.

 

Well it's not activating anymore.

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I also live alone and have motivation to do absolutely nothing. I've to work during both tapers so I do have to leave the house 5 days a week, but even there I just. Don't. Care. I work to pay the bills so I won't be homeless. Yet, I also think of my apartment as my own personal prison Bc I never leave. This is my second taper, so when I get a symptom I don't really freak out anymore. Like I said. I just don't care. At this point I'm not even sure I want to. It's not even the depersonalizations like I had last time, thank God. It's just complete and totally apathy. I feel you.
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This is my second detox as well. I used to be benzo-free for 11 years. Then I was scared to come back to work and tried every AD possible. Nothing helped. The sx were unbearable.

 

Then, im my last desparate attempt to get rid of that paralyzing fear to come back to work. I started taking Valium. In May 2014. Did not help. My fear got more intense.

 

What did I fear? That everyone would look at me as a freak, cause I was on a 6 mos psychiatric sick leave. I liked my job very much.

 

I stopped working in 2014. I envy you that at least you can go to work. Work somehow motivated me.

 

I get paid by Social Security, cause I used to work a long time. Also my parents help me financially.

 

Getting through each day is so difficult. I manage to do so little. I think it's the benzos. Had tons of energy on Prozac without the benzos. But I also had anxiety. Another day gone by, I've done next to nothing.

 

Only my cat mobilizes me to make all this worth living. I want her to be happy. Where is the former me? All those beautiful clothes, jewellery I used to wear. The perfect order in my house. Now the perfect mess. Wearing two same sweaters and pairs of jeans all year long.

 

Now I don't have that forum anymore, now I don't have that gratification. I see how miserable I have become.

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Valium has made me so lazy and demotivated. I completely lack drive to do anything. Anything.

 

Any household chore is a torture. Going out is unthinkable.

 

I live alone, so there's no stimulus another person could provide. But I can only live alone.

 

I'm on 20mg Prozac as well. But it does not seem to help whatsoever.

 

I had incredible energy on Prozac without Valium.

 

Does anyone experience this?

 

I take Valium for sleep, Prozac in the morning.

 

Can't take Prozac at night, cause it's supposed to be activating.

 

Well it's not activating anymore.

 

I could have written this OP. Bummer for both of us.

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Valium has made me so lazy and demotivated. I completely lack drive to do anything. Anything.

 

I go out shopping and do chores, but I don't want to. Everyone tells me to suck it up and just do stuff anyway. They tell me it's not so bad. Go and get a full time job. It'll make you feel better, they say.

 

They've never been on valium.

 

Oh, tapering is so boring though.

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Valium has made me so lazy and demotivated. I completely lack drive to do anything. Anything.

 

I go out shopping and do chores, but I don't want to. Everyone tells me to suck it up and just do stuff anyway. They tell me it's not so bad. Go and get a full time job. It'll make you feel better, they say.

 

They've never been on valium.

 

Oh, tapering is so boring though.

 

That's good actually.

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Valium has made me so lazy and demotivated. I completely lack drive to do anything. Anything.

 

I go out shopping and do chores, but I don't want to. Everyone tells me to suck it up and just do stuff anyway. They tell me it's not so bad. Go and get a full time job. It'll make you feel better, they say.

 

They've never been on valium.

 

Oh, tapering is so boring though.

 

That's good actually.

 

I never thought of it like that!

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Well, yesterday I managed to do the dishes. Tons and tons of dishes to do after several weeks of not doing the dishes at all. Thanks to my net addiction. Washed my cat's teeth. And my own. Wrote a few short posts here. I like to be useful. Except, that I'm of no use to myself.

 

I have a GOAL: to bring my house to order in which it was like 1,5 yr ago. Before my one year long Facebook-type addiction and my 9 days hospital stay in Feb. 2016 when they weaned me off 10 Ambiens a day. I have this photo of a friend's ideal appartment. Very motivating. Gonna look at it from time to time.

 

Used to buy groceries via Internet. For many years. Now my corridor is so cluttered I stopped. Must restart, after decluttering the corridor.

 

Therapist always said to proceed by small parts of the appartment. I'm starting with the kitchen. Got two rooms and a corridor, not so bad.

 

The only place I go is pdoc's office. Pdoc on Wednesday. Will be shocked I deleted my internet account. I'm still shocked. I'm alive. It was not real.

 

Before benzos, used to visit two-three shopping malls a day. I was a hopeless shopoholic, but had money. Cause I was able to work. No agoraphobia at all.

 

Big plans for today. 10 a.m. Always big plans. I wonder how much I'm gonna be able to do today. My internet addiction took about 12 hours each day. Got much more time.

 

Internet shopping: for cat and supplements for sleep. Everything seems like a mountain. Will start with internet shopping. Should take half an hour. Kitty needs litter.

 

How am I going to reward myself? That's the question. See how much I'm able to do.

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Valium has made me so lazy and demotivated. I completely lack drive to do anything. Anything.

 

I go out shopping and do chores, but I don't want to. Everyone tells me to suck it up and just do stuff anyway. They tell me it's not so bad. Go and get a full time job. It'll make you feel better, they say.

 

They've never been on valium.

 

Oh, tapering is so boring though.

 

That's good actually.

 

I never thought of it like that!

 

:thumbsup:

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