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House bound? how long?


[Me...]

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I have been like this since summer of 2015 for the most part.  I go out only if I HAVE too which isn't often. I can't even imagine going to the mall ect.. I pick up the kids from school cuz I HAVE too. today is the last day of that.

 

I don't see any reason to leave. I want to want to leave.  I use to be so active and always out running around doing things. I am a shell of the person  I used to be.

 

Am I alone in being like this for so long?

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Absolutely not.  When I was nearing the end of my taper and for a long period of time after I jumped I avoided socializing and going anywhere or doing anything.  Like you, I could do what I HAD to do, but I managed my life in ways that made what I had to do very minimal.

 

Fast forward to now (the return to real life was very slow for me)...I travel, socialize, drive, grocery shop, etc with no anxiety or dread. 

 

Look to who you were before benzodiazepines...that person is still there. 

 

:smitten:

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Thanks, Challis, makes me feel a lil better.  I just get worried cuz this started long before I started to taper. before I figured out why I was like this. 

 

I hope she is still in there.  :'(

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Looking at your signature, it seems like things may have started going south about a year after you started taking K... hmmm... no coincidence, maybe.

 

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Oh I think its for sure the K that is causing it. I just worry my brain will be so damaged it won't heal.
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Mine's definitely the K, because the lower I get and farther away from my dose, I actually "wake up" and want to start going out.

 

You're just in that perpetual "fight or flight" state and it's difficult to go out and be around people. I get physically ill if I have to go out.

 

I'm coming out of it now. (I think...) I'm starting to want to go out and do stuff. I don't want to jinx it, but I feel good today. Not as "sensitive" in terms of feeling like every nerve fiber is on fire.

 

I'm hopeful. You're getting close, Meems! I'm farther out than you and I can see some light at the end of the tunnel!

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Oh GOD Twinkle I hope that happens to me too!! I am glad you're feeling a little better today.  :smitten:
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Oh GOD Twinkle I hope that happens to me too!! I am glad you're feeling a little better today.  :smitten:

 

Well, it can only get better after the sh*t show that was the last week...lol. (not sure if you saw my post about ending up in the ER and being 100% sure I'd be dead in days...) This is such a GOOD time, isn't it?

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Yes I did see your post. That must have been so scary. I wanted to post to you I just couldn't find the words.

 

yeah these are great times. :-\

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Just picked my kids up from their last day yesterday and now feel like I'll be housebound because there won't be a reason to leave. 

 

I MAKE myself go out.  Today is a swim party for my daughter and a friend offered to take my kids, but I said no.  I know I need to get out or I'll sink into depression.  I never feel good, but I feel worse when I'm home alone, so onword and outside word!!! 

 

I know I'll be the person I was before, as I do have short windows and I see my old self...just wish she would stay longer!

 

 

And yeah, this is sooooo Great!!!

 

 

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If you don't mind me asking, how old are your kids and how do you be a mom still?

 

It's something I'm struggling with as I feel me being sick is and will affect my kids negatively!  Mine are 9 and 11.

 

:)

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Oh I think its for sure the K that is causing it. I just worry my brain will be so damaged it won't heal.

 

Take a look at my sig...I was on and off (mostly on) either Temazepam or Xanax (for awhile both) for 30+ years and I'm back to normal....er, as normal as I ever was, anyway.

 

:laugh:

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Oh I think its for sure the K that is causing it. I just worry my brain will be so damaged it won't heal.

 

Take a look at my sig...I was on and off (mostly on) either Temazepam or Xanax (for awhile both) for 30+ years and I'm back to normal....er, as normal as I ever was, anyway.

 

:laugh:

 

You're so lucky Challis! So happy for you.  :smitten:

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If you don't mind me asking, how old are your kids and how do you be a mom still?

 

It's something I'm struggling with as I feel me being sick is and will affect my kids negatively!  Mine are 9 and 11.

 

:)

 

My 3 boys are 17, 13 and 12. They seem to be doing pretty well in SPITE of me.

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It's not luck.  It's just how this goes.  I spent close to two years on the couch.  Literally...on the couch.  Got up to go to the bathroom or to bed, that's it.  When I finally got up for good I had to re-upholster the couch because it had a big spot on it that matched the shape of my body, gross as that sounds.

 

I've always been healthy and thought I'd kick this thing as soon as I was off my taper.  Did not for a minute believe I would be like everyone else here.  Mind over matter does not work as far as healing.  It may help with coping, but it won't speed up the physical/mental/emotional healing.  This is a beast, no ifs, ands or buts about it.

 

If withdrawal and recovery were minor blips in the road I wouldn't still be here offering my time to help other people get through it.  It's a unique and frightening ordeal that only those who've experienced it can understand.

 

Hang in there, girl.  You're headed in the right direction, you just don't know it yet.  Can't wait to read your Success Story. 

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Kudos to you moms who are going through this.  I couldn't bear to be around kids (or anyone else for that matter)...even though I'm retired from a 35 year career as a kindergarten/first grade teacher and LOVED being with kids.  Noise, activity, nonsense...thrived on it.  During withdrawal and early to mid-recovery I avoided kids like the plague.
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I have been like this since summer of 2015 for the most part.  I go out only if I HAVE too which isn't often. I can't even imagine going to the mall ect.. I pick up the kids from school cuz I HAVE too. today is the last day of that.

 

I don't see any reason to leave. I want to want to leave.  I use to be so active and always out running around doing things. I am a shell of the person  I used to be.

 

Am I alone in being like this for so long?

 

I suffer from this when I am in a bad wave also. I get this maybe once or twice a week now instead of all the time, so it does get better. All of this $%#& gets better with time. Please hang in there. I'm having a bad day also, and just want to let you know that you are not alone my friend.

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Yeah its not easy. I worry about them all the time, I worry about everything.

 

Thanks for writing Challis it helps to read your story.

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I have been like this since summer of 2015 for the most part.  I go out only if I HAVE too which isn't often. I can't even imagine going to the mall ect.. I pick up the kids from school cuz I HAVE too. today is the last day of that.

 

I don't see any reason to leave. I want to want to leave.  I use to be so active and always out running around doing things. I am a shell of the person  I used to be.

 

Am I alone in being like this for so long?

 

I suffer from this when I am in a bad wave also. I get this maybe once or twice a week now instead of all the time, so it does get better. All of this $%#& gets better with time. Please hang in there. I'm having a bad day also, and just want to let you know that you are not alone my friend.

 

Thanks, Billy and everyone. I guess it helps to know its not just me.

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A year, since May/June 2016 when my internet addiction started.

 

I leave house twice a month (mostly) to get Valium from my pdoc.

 

I go with my mother though we are not on good terms.

 

It's always a torture to go out with her. But it's easier to go out with her than alone.

 

Before Valium I used to run around the city. To my job, back from my job.

 

At least one shopping mall a day. Therapist once a month.

 

Pdoc twice a month. AA meetings with my ex once a week. I'm a pill addict, not an alcoholic.

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[e8...]

As someone else mentioned, kudos to everyone who has to raise children whilst going through this sh*t show. I only have myself to look after (not very well it has to said) and that's a challenge in itself. Thankfully, in a few way, I have no dependents as I'm about be evicted due to rent arrears and could imagine what it would be like with kids in the mix as well.

 

I recently jumped and feel crap constantly, must  of Of had about five hours sleep over four nights in total. When I was CT of Temazepam 10 years ago I became very agraphobic, not leaving the house for months. I remember being so paranoid I thought there were CCTV cameras in the fibres of the carpet watching me!

 

Anyway this time around I have tapered (albeit a bit fast and forced) so it will be 'interesting' to compare it to the CT which, most definetly, was the worst experience of my life.

 

I have only recently jumped so don't think it has completely 'hit' me yet. I just don't hope it's like before. I'm not sure how you're meant to deal with agoraphobia when you have no where to live! :(

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I have so much anxiety with K taper that I am house bound.  Husband does everything.  I feel so worthless and guilty.  WooHoo to you moms out there. 
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