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losing all hope


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I am losing hope to  recover.  Even if I am only fighting for such a short time compared to all of you.

I can handle it all, but not the insomnia.

I thought things were getting a bit better, I slept 17 hours last week. But the past 3 days I slept NOTHING. I feel relaxed, still stay awake, heart pounding, night sweats etc.

I am going to lose my job over this, my social life is already nothing for months.

 

Sure, I can still try remeron, but I feel I am masking the problem only by taking medication. And what if I take it for a while and have to cut back on that eventually, then I get rebound insomnia from that too? And I just really get depressed if I gain weight. I already gained a lot past years. My weight is healthy now, but I don't want any more.

 

I need to get to work (interacting with a lot of people and making decisions). I took some time off, but it didn't help with the insomnia at all.

 

I lost all hope for a good (normal) life.

 

Sorry, to complain, but I am crying my eyes out here....

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I'm right there with you. I have severe health anxiety due to resting heart rate being in the 90's, PVC's that I can feel, night sweats, jolting myself awake every 15 minutes.

 

It's truly awful. I feel like I'll be a dead in a month.

 

I'm almost 2 weeks post jump and trying to get to 8 weeks. This is killing me. I work in a very high pressure, deadline-oriented director-type job and I'm barely holding on.

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I'm right there with you. I have severe health anxiety due to resting heart rate being in the 90's, PVC's that I can feel, night sweats, jolting myself awake every 15 minutes.

 

It's truly awful. I feel like I'll be a dead in a month.

 

I'm almost 2 weeks post jump and trying to get to 8 weeks. This is killing me. I work in a very high pressure, deadline-oriented director-type job and I'm barely holding on.

 

I pray it will get better for us all. I worked today and I surprise myself that I got through it okay. But it shouldn't be like this.

I go to the cardiologist next week for testing. Also have many PVC's and very irregular heartrythm (30 to 247). But I think it is caused by lack of sleep. Not the other way around (as my doctor suggested).

 

Hugs...

t

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I hope you get some relief soon with the insomnia. I know lack of sleep makes it tough. I really struggled with sleep when I hit tolerance on the Valium. Waking in cold sweats after 3 hours.About broke me. I was considering inpatient and didn't think I could do this on my own. I have no family support which makes it harder. Thankfully I'm now sleeping much better now.
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I'm going through my second withdrawl right now. I did a very rapid taper the first time and thought I'd never be myself again and I was right. This changes you but not always for the worse. Even when I was clean I still had a hard time with showers, but I became much more compassionate. Here's hoping the second time will be forever. I'm right there with you on the sleep. It's so hard BC I used to be able to nap like a champ. You will get there. It just takes time. I remember going to the grocery store when I was in the throes of detox last time and wishing I was everyone else I laid eyes on. Just keep thinking it does get better. Even if it's just a little.
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Maybe give Rozerom a try?  It works for me sometimes. 

My Dr prescribed it because he knows that I don't want anything addictive and it's benzo safe.

Good luck

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I'm going through my second withdrawl right now. I did a very rapid taper the first time and thought I'd never be myself again and I was right. This changes you but not always for the worse. Even when I was clean I still had a hard time with showers, but I became much more compassionate. Here's hoping the second time will be forever. I'm right there with you on the sleep. It's so hard BC I used to be able to nap like a champ. You will get there. It just takes time. I remember going to the grocery store when I was in the throes of detox last time and wishing I was everyone else I laid eyes on. Just keep thinking it does get better. Even if it's just a little.

 

I hope we all get out of this nightmare soon.

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I'm going through my second withdrawl right now. I did a very rapid taper the first time and thought I'd never be myself again and I was right. This changes you but not always for the worse. Even when I was clean I still had a hard time with showers, but I became much more compassionate. Here's hoping the second time will be forever. I'm right there with you on the sleep. It's so hard BC I used to be able to nap like a champ. You will get there. It just takes time. I remember going to the grocery store when I was in the throes of detox last time and wishing I was everyone else I laid eyes on. Just keep thinking it does get better. Even if it's just a little.

 

Hi shakes, good to hear your sleep is a bit better. When did it get better for you? I did not sleep AGAIN at all last night. And on the nights I do get some sleep it is short, broken and very light. How long can I go on like this.

Sorry to read you don't have family support, I have support, but in the end nobody really knows what it is like. Only you guys on here.

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Maybe give Rozerom a try?  It works for me sometimes. 

My Dr prescribed it because he knows that I don't want anything addictive and it's benzo safe.

Good luck

 

Yes, but I am scared to try anything at this point. Just want my sleep to go back to normal on its own. This is week 6 (not counting the month before when I also could not sleep because of very rapid tolerance on benzo). This week has been the one with even less sleep. I know it is not a linear process, but I can't handle going worse very well

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Hey,

 

When are the doxylamine and phenergan scheduled to arrive? I think you ordered them online? Is it two substances in one pill? I know quite a lot about phenergan. Almost nothing about doxylamine.

 

How is your sleep?

 

I slept 8 hrs on Valium and feel like crap (cause of Valium) - so maybe it could be any comfort to you. As long as I just sit not doing anything I'll feel like this. Only action saves me from despair.

 

Cheers,

Estee

 

 

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Hey,

 

When are the doxylamine and phenergan scheduled to arrive? I think you ordered them online? Is it two substances in one pill? I know quite a lot about phenergan. Almost nothing about doxylamine.

 

How is your sleep?

 

I slept 8 hrs on Valium and feel like crap (cause of Valium) - so maybe it could be any comfort to you. As long as I just sit not doing anything I'll feel like this. Only action saves me from despair.

 

Hi Estee,

I think it will arrive within a week or two. Two different pills.

My sleep is hoorible. Last week only 6 hours,  (the whole week), weeks before that between 15 and 20 hours. It is getting worst instead of better.

I keep losing hope after multiple days of no sleep. Wonder if it ever gets better.

I had some weeks off and did nothing, but did not help my sleep at all.

sad...

Cheers,

Estee

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I would first give Phenergan a try.

 

Maybe some kind of therapy? To figure out causes why you cannot sleep.

 

Even therapy by Skype or by phone if you're too exhausted to go.

 

There are special therapeutic groups for insomniacs in my country.

 

But you have to go everyday. Impossible for someone who is working.

 

I have been insomniac since childhood. But this is caused by dysthymia. I could not sleep before benzos too, even as a teenager.

 

Somehow difficult to figure out that such a short course of Temazepam ruined your sleep so much.

 

I think I would also consider changing a pdoc.

 

Someone I know started doing mindfulness meditation while tapering Valium. And it helped her a lot.

 

Take care,

Estee

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I would first give Phenergan a try.

 

Maybe some kind of therapy? To figure out causes why you cannot sleep.

 

Even therapy by Skype or by phone if you're too exhausted to go.

 

There are special therapeutic groups for insomniacs in my country.

 

But you have to go everyday. Impossible for someone who is working.

 

I have been insomniac since childhood. But this is caused by dysthymia. I could not sleep before benzos too, even as a teenager.

 

Somehow difficult to figure out that such a short course of Temazepam ruined your sleep so much.

 

I think I would also consider changing a pdoc.

 

Someone I know started doing mindfulness meditation while tapering Valium. And it helped her a lot.

 

Take care,

Estee

 

Thanks Estee,

Yes, I also find it sometimes difficult to believe this can be caused by short term Temazepam. But before the Temazepam I only had mild-moderete insomnia for a month or 2. It was work related stress. Before that I never ever had insomnia. So, I took the Temazepam the doctor prescribed for my mild insomnia. Now the work stress is gone (I am doing different more relaxed work at better hours), but the insomnia is horrible.

 

I am also going to try the Mindfulness, yoga also. I need to get to the bottom of all this. Can't live happily like this.

I am even thinking about quitting my job to reduce all stress in life for a while, but I also believe that is maybe too soon to think about that. Maybe in a few more months, if it is still this bad (and I am still alive...hahaha).

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hi sleep, how are you doing? hope you are hanging in there... is the doxylamine there yet?? it really helped me a lot in the early days... i am crossing my fingers that it works for you... here in the US they put it in cold medicine called Nyquil that is widely sold and used by anyone and everyone... so i felt much safer using it than other meds...
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hi sleep, how are you doing? hope you are hanging in there... is the doxylamine there yet?? it really helped me a lot in the early days... i am crossing my fingers that it works for you... here in the US they put it in cold medicine called Nyquil that is widely sold and used by anyone and everyone... so i felt much safer using it than other meds...

 

Hi teegirl,

 

No doxy yet. Had my worst week of sleep last week. Not getting any better... how are you?

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Im going to tell you a little story, i dropped klonopin after taking it for 6 years, cold turkey, and after a few months it all got better, then i spent three years with no medications whats so ever, best three years of my life. Little anxiety every once in a while, after all, thats why we started taking these pills to begin with, but i promise it does get better and you will get through this.
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hi sleep, how are you doing? hope you are hanging in there... is the doxylamine there yet?? it really helped me a lot in the early days... i am crossing my fingers that it works for you... here in the US they put it in cold medicine called Nyquil that is widely sold and used by anyone and everyone... so i felt much safer using it than other meds...

 

Hi teegirl,

 

No doxy yet. Had my worst week of sleep last week. Not getting any better... how are you?

 

i am doing okay! last night i slept 7 hours with 2 wake ups. not normal, but certainly enough to get by on for today. it DOES get better. progress is not linear so you could have a better week and then a worse week... hang in there  :hug:

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I know how you feel, having failed withdrawal attempts.  The lack of sleep is torture.  Also, when you just lay in bed trying to sleep, your mind tends to torture you with negative thoughts.  Get up and watch some old movies, or o!d tv shows, avoiding CNN and other 24 hour news stations which run nothing but terrifying events happening in the world. A glass of milk is good. Atarax 25 mg tablets are just a strong antihistamine which can help. You need a script for it in the US, but it is OTC in Canada and probably other countries.  You can substitute Zyrtec if you don't want to go to the doctor.  Also, download audiobooks into your phone, ipod, or kindle.  Play something not too mentally taxing like action/adventure.  Laying in bed with a story playing can help, and at least distract you.  Also helps with tinnitus.

Good luck, I feel for you.

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In regards to sleep, some people find trazodone (an old time antidepressant that helps with sleep) or vistaril (an antihistamine stronger than benadryl) helpful. 

 

I don't know what state/country you are in, but the use of medical marijuana has helped some people with their insomnia.  I went to Oregon to visit family a few weeks after starting my taper.  I had been awake over 60 hours and was still completely wired.  We went to a dispensary, and I told the budtender that I had recently cut back on my sleeping medication, and asked him to suggest something that would help me sleep but would not get me too high or make me anxious.  He suggested a low dose edible that was made for sleep/relaxation.  It was a piece of taffy, and he suggested I take half since I had never tried it before.  I took half, and within 30 minutes, I felt just a bit tipsy, went to bed, and slept for over 10 hours (would have slept longer except we had to be somewhere the next day).  I felt soooooo much better after a good nights sleep!  I still had a ton of withdrawal symptoms, but that "I need to sleep I'm going out of my mind" feeling was gone, and I was able to keep food down again!  (I hope I didn't offend you with this - I know some people are against marijuana even for medical purposes)

 

Good luck, and I hope you are able to get some sleep!

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I can tell you that remeron truly saved me. I have not gained weight on it. Knowing I will sleep every night makes a huge difference. Lack of sleep makes everything worse! I cannot tell you what to do, only what has worked for me. I know some people take it only as needed; maybe one or two nights a week of good sleep could make a difference, without the risk of dependence.
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This is for you recent reply to remeron helped you sleep, and you did not gain weight.  I am presently 10 pounds overweight, that I picked up after a pelvic fracture last year.  Sincs I am on a long hold reduced Benzo dose, I eat like a bird, somedays not at all.  Due to lack of activity ( I am afraid of falling again, probabaly caussd by long term benzo use) I havent lost an ounce.  I am sleeping fair!y well now with 25 mg Atarax (strong antihistamine at night. 

Does remeron need to be taken daily like a regular antidepressant?  If I gain any more weight, I will be at risk for health problems, not to me tion self esteem issues.

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Marja2,

If you are a little overweight I would probably pass on the remeron. It has potential to make you gain weight.I've read where some have gained no weight and others that have gained 30 pounds. I gained the 15 I lost plus about another 5 and I stay pretty active. It sounds like you are getting decent sleep with the atarax. I get a solid 8 hours on remeron but weight isn't an issue with me.

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Marja2,

 

Do you think that your falls could be from lack of food? Low blood sugar levels could cause dizziness.

 

In regards to the remeron and weight, well, I am 60 pounds overweight, all gained while on lexapro, and have not gained weight on remeron. I really thought long and hard about taking this drug due to the common issues with weight gain, but not everyone who takes it gains weight. Luckily, I have not. Remeron works well for me because it also has anti anxiety and anti nausea properties, both of which I desperately needed. I am embarking this summer on a real effort to lose the weight--I really haven't tried--so we will see how that goes. I am also nearing 50 and perimenopause, so I don't expect this to be easy. I don't have diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. so I just try to accept that it is what it is and I do the best I can.

 

At low doses (below probably 30 mg--you likely would not need anywhere near that much to sleep), remeron functions more like a sedative than an antidepressant, so I believe you can take it as you needed--I know others here have. I take it everyday because it helps with the anxiety as well.

 

But I agree with Pitchman11 that if you take atarax, then you might want to stick with that. But I would think anything you take for sleep could make you dizzy during the day and more likely to fall. Maybe you could work with a PT on strengthening your core which might help the fear of falling, or try some easy exercise like Classical Stretch on PBS (I have the DVDS).

 

 

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Hmmm. All sound like good suggestions.  However, when I fell and broke my pelvis inMarch 2016, I was just walking in the house.  I was headed for the shower with bare feet on a hardwod floor.  I did not trip over anything, or feel dizzy. The same thing wi the three ankle fractures.  My husband was walking behind me, and he didn't see me reach out or try to break the fall. I have been on but benzos for 15 years and am now 65.  I am afraid I have brain damage, whch is probaly irreversible.  I will talk to the clueless.shrink I have been seeing for 12 years and get a neuro eval done. That's if I can outline my issues in the assembly line 15 miutes he gives me. Then I may head to a lawyer and try to sue the primary care doctor who wrote the scripts for 6 months, along with him.  If he couldn't help me, he should hae referred me to somene who could. That is, if such a person exists in upstate NY.  Sorry, I am just so discouraged and frustrated I needed to spout of and vent.
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