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How can I make other understand ?


[Ta...]

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Hey buddies

 

I have a very huge problem that just keep getting harder and harder.

 

I started taping in september and now I am about to quit diazapam - I know -it will last a little bit longer.

 

But my surroundings - family, wife, friends just dont understand at all. They think that when I have been taping for 8 mounth, then I will be clean and fully recovered.

 

Well I am not and far from.

 

Yesterday morning I felt fine - Yesterday evening I felt like shit. Right now I feel like shit. This morning my wife left for some hillclimping.

 

I am taking care of our 6 year old daughter. Not that I cant do that, I just cant be the good father; like play with her. A 6 year old girl makes noice and as I feel right now NOICE is like knives flying in the air. Noice really hurts.

 

So I can take it for an hour or two. But on hard days, it becoming unbearable.

 

I quit my job in october because I couldent work and tap.

 

The last 2-3 weeks my wife has suggested that I could pick up our daughter earlier from school (kids are normally in "after-school" from 1.00 to 4.30 in the afternoon) - its also normal that kids play with others after school.

 

I just cant handle my own daughter and 2 other kids at the moment. I am too unpredictical for that.

 

I have been telling how I feel so many times. I am so sorry that my sorrounding just dont know how I feel.

 

Its so sad that I do not have any controle of how and when I will recover. I even feel very unsafe driving my car. I simply cant keep focus of what I am doing.

 

Coming from 20mg to 1mg is tough. But now when I am almost clean, days is very different to each other. I can have 4 hours feeling absolutely brilliant. Then I can have 4 hours in hell.

 

And nobody can tell me if I am healing tomorrow or in two years.

 

Anybody who feels the same ? - I know there is no to way out, other than hope my family keeps forgiving me.

 

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[18...]

Tapping,

I am sorry you are having a difficult time. I certainly can understand where you are coming from and speaking about. I sometimes wish others around me understood how this affects us. The sad part is that those around us don't understand unless they have been through it. As much as we try to explain, as much as they see us battle, it is a hard concept to grasp unless one has been through it themselves. Our spouses /significant others don't fully realize the change in us. It is almost as if we changed over night. It can be difficult for them, and can be confusing. Remember our loved ones are going through this too in a different degree. They must compensate for our lacking and that can be stressful. It's understanding that they are also having a difficult time. Our withdrawal consumes their lives too. And then when we constantly try to make them understand, it overwhelms them. I just recently understood this, and now try to make my withdrawal less of a repetitive conversation point. This has helped my husband relax a bit and trying to find new things focus on distracts me a bit from my symptoms.

As a mother myself I also understand that parenting while tapering is hard, no doubt about it. I feel like I fail my child daily. As much as I some days want to shut myself away, I know I can't.  I am crucial in my child's life. My child needs me, and is my focus to push through. Even if we just sit and watch TV together, even if I just watch video game play,  talk about school...being active in their lives can give us a reason to get better. When I noticed that my child was being affected and began to worry about the long term well being I decided to do my best to shield what I am going through. Now I am using (mostly) a fake it till you make it approach..

I wish there would be an easy way to make others understand. It would be less difficult.  Just rest assured, you aren't alone here.

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Hi Tapping,

 

Your story about family and friends not understanding is a very common theme around the forum.  You are not alone!  This whole process is life altering, both for those of us going through it and for those around us.  Only people who have gone through this hellish experience can truly understand the pain, the suffering, the utter hell.  How can we expect them to understand and validate our experience when even the medical professionals don't?  This lack of understanding and validation often creates as much pain as the withdrawal itself.

 

Your quote from Kierkegaard is very apropos here:  "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward."  We ourselves only have some small understanding of this process from our past experiences with benzos.  We suffer in the present.  We are trying to go forward, but we ourselves don't have a good understanding of how to go forward, of what to expect, how healing will progress, how long it might take.  How can we expect others to truly understand when we don't?

 

Pumpkin gave some excellent advice.  To try to keep your withdrawal in the background of every day life.  To interact with your daughter and family regardless of how you are feeling.  To do the best you can.  To try and accept that they can not and probably never will truly understand unless they go through it themselves.

 

Hang in there Tapping.  I know you are sick of hearing this platitude.  You have come a long way and that shows a great deal of discipline and strength.  Press on and you will get there.

 

:smitten:

She

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Hi Tapping,

 

I feel the very same way with a different situation.  My daughter is almost 18 so I don't have the care aspect, but she notices everything.  Like Pumpkin said, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it.  She has had a rough year too so it is interesting to notice the parallels with her struggles, even tho she doesn't know the details of mine because I don't think she needs to know.  At least right now.

 

In my case, my husband supports me fully but doesn't know the details because that is his comfort zone.  Mainly I talk to my sister or write on this board when I feel like I can't handle it.  Also, I pray a lot and have been getting wonderful insight on how we are all the same and are mirrors of each other.

 

I know you will find a combination of support that will work for you, whether it is your immediate family or not.

 

Tiny

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