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I went on a "binge"...support please.


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[e3...]
Posted

Please don't judge me. If you do, please don't be hateful. I know I made a mistake. I own it and now am asking for help.

I have been tapering Ativan a little faster than I want. Been doing fairly. Well, until life hit two days ago. Our only family car broke down and then my kiddo got sick. I was having a really rough time. I was (or am) down to .375 mgs of Ativan. Until the day the car broke down. I took an extra .25...pushing me to .625 for one day. Then today I took a total of 1.25.

I binged. I am sorry I failed.

Do you think after two days I can just drop back down to .375? Did I run my taper...withdrawals be harder?

Posted

Hey Pumpkin,

 

That's not a binge. It's a kind of a situation that everyone would find extremely stressful. Please don't beat yourself over it.

You're not drinking, you're not doing heroin. You're not taking amphetamines.

 

You're dealing with one of the most potent benzodiazepines ever made. Please give yourself credit when credit is due.

 

I think you will be ok with your taper. You may want to try go back to .625 and then back to .5 and then to .375. You may want to waltz back down a bit more slowly, but you can do it. Just please be easy on yourself.  :smitten:

[e3...]
Posted

Hey Pumpkin,

 

That's not a binge. It's a kind of a situation that everyone would find extremely stressful. Please don't beat yourself over it.

You're not drinking, you're not doing heroin. You're not taking amphetamines.

 

You're dealing with one of the most potent benzodiazepines ever made. Please give yourself credit when credit is due.

 

I think you will be ok with your taper. You may want to try go back to .625 and then back to .5 and then to .375. You may want to waltz back down a bit more slowly, but you can do it. Just please be easy on yourself.  :smitten:

Thanks loraz... I should have messaged you sooner so you could talk me down. What is done is done. I am tired of pushing myself to reach this goal that my now retired doctor had for me. I see another new one in three weeks. It might be pressing for the amount of pills I have, but I am going to get to a point and hold until I see the doctor. It's not as much physical this week besides my tinnitus and sleep as it is this stupid anxiety.

Posted
Don't be hard on yourself. Pick up where you left off. It will be ok. People have taken rescue doses and come out fine after. Just remember , that the drug really doesn't help that much.
Posted

 

 

I think you'll start feeling better as you hold.  Then I'd slow it way down.

 

How do plan to approach your new doctor regarding this?  I might tell him I was on .5 (or even .75) and not say much about a taper at my first meeting.  He may have ideas that an even faster taper is needed and you'll be SOL.

[d7...]
Posted

Please don't judge me. If you do, please don't be hateful. I know I made a mistake. I own it and now am asking for help.

I have been tapering Ativan a little faster than I want. Been doing fairly. Well, until life hit two days ago. Our only family car broke down and then my kiddo got sick. I was having a really rough time. I was (or am) down to .375 mgs of Ativan. Until the day the car broke down. I took an extra .25...pushing me to .625 for one day. Then today I took a total of 1.25.

I binged. I am sorry I failed.

Do you think after two days I can just drop back down to .375? Did I run my taper...withdrawals be harder?

 

Oh sweet Pumpkin!

 

No one better judge you or I will end them!! JK :laugh:  Of course you can taper right back down. You might have even done yourself a good deed. Tapers (like life) are never linear.  We have these bumps in our road.

 

In my vast experience of failure, it is always easy to hop back on the original dose and, No, the withdrawals won't be harder.

 

Pumpkin, this is my 5th taper. I know failure like the back of my hand. Two days of up-dosing is probably therapeutic. You can do this! If it's any consolation to you, I took triple the amount of gabapentin that is prescribed to ease the emotional tornado that is going on inside. :wink:  No biggy. Just trppin a little. And I too will get right back down on the proper dose and resume my taper.

 

There is a wonderful part in the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" where he writes a letter to his daughter. It sums up life so beautifully:

 

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."  :smitten:

 

So, I hope we have the strength to start all over again :smitten:  Love Ali

[d7...]
Posted

Hey Pumpkin,

 

That's not a binge. It's a kind of a situation that everyone would find extremely stressful. Please don't beat yourself over it.

You're not drinking, you're not doing heroin. You're not taking amphetamines.

 

You're dealing with one of the most potent benzodiazepines ever made. Please give yourself credit when credit is due.

 

I think you will be ok with your taper. You may want to try go back to .625 and then back to .5 and then to .375. You may want to waltz back down a bit more slowly, but you can do it. Just please be easy on yourself.  :smitten:

 

Perfect response and wonderful advice! :smitten:

Posted

I rescue dosed twice coming off Clonazepam, and was able to go back to my prior place without resetting, on the advice of the good people on here. Other than the drug not doing what I'd hoped when I RD'd, it did not effect my plan at all.

The position you were in was crazy stressful on top of tapering and withdrawal, and you had a couple rough days. It still gets better. Just don't give up!

Posted

Hey, sweet pumpkin. I agree with what most everyone else said in response. I think you can probably pick right back up with your taper where you left off. I wouldn't classify a couple rescue doses as a "binge."

 

Try not to be so hard on yourself and keep moving forward!  :thumbsup:

 

[e3...]
Posted

Thank you everyone! Your sweet words and support are deeply appreciated!

 

A note:

I take my Ativan all at night. The night before last I returned to the normal .375 dosage. It was rough! I ended up taking 50 mg of benedryl which gave me a whopping 4 hours sleep. Yesterday I spent the better half of the day groggy,

irritated, and very very symptomatic. Last night I took my gabapentin, then my normal .375 dose and found myself actually getting sleepy. I went to bed and slept almost 6 hours, which is about my normal when my body adjusts to cuts.

Posted

Please don't judge me. If you do, please don't be hateful. I know I made a mistake. I own it and now am asking for help.

I have been tapering Ativan a little faster than I want. Been doing fairly. Well, until life hit two days ago. Our only family car broke down and then my kiddo got sick. I was having a really rough time. I was (or am) down to .375 mgs of Ativan. Until the day the car broke down. I took an extra .25...pushing me to .625 for one day. Then today I took a total of 1.25.

I binged. I am sorry I failed.

Do you think after two days I can just drop back down to .375? Did I run my taper...withdrawals be harder?

 

 

Absolutely you can go back down, listen, sometimes things happen in life that causes a lot of stress and people make mistakes, shit I know I've made a bunch of them. Don't feel bad and don't judge yourself, you did what you felt was right for your body and only you understand your body and what you're going through no one else on this forum does.  I actually respect you for mentioning it on the forum, but you don't need to justify anything, you did what you thought was right at that moment and you're owning up to it. Just keep the good fight and you're going to get through this believe me. And I am very sorry to hear about your current situation with the vehicle

[e3...]
Posted

Please don't judge me. If you do, please don't be hateful. I know I made a mistake. I own it and now am asking for help.

I have been tapering Ativan a little faster than I want. Been doing fairly. Well, until life hit two days ago. Our only family car broke down and then my kiddo got sick. I was having a really rough time. I was (or am) down to .375 mgs of Ativan. Until the day the car broke down. I took an extra .25...pushing me to .625 for one day. Then today I took a total of 1.25.

I binged. I am sorry I failed.

Do you think after two days I can just drop back down to .375? Did I run my taper...withdrawals be harder?

[/quote

Thanks jrod!

I was really happy to hear your positive response. After those bad days I went back to my normal .375 dose. The first night was a challenge, but recovered the next night. Last night I cut from that .375 to .25 of Ativan, so let the next round of "fun" begin! Hope you are doing well!

 

 

Absolutely you can go back down, listen, sometimes things happen in life that causes a lot of stress and people make mistakes, shit I know I've made a bunch of them. Don't feel bad and don't judge yourself, you did what you felt was right for your body and only you understand your body and what you're going through no one else on this forum does.  I actually respect you for mentioning it on the forum, but you don't need to justify anything, you did what you thought was right at that moment and you're owning up to it. Just keep the good fight and you're going to get through this believe me. And I am very sorry to hear about your current situation with the vehicle

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