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It's all coming back to me now!


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Well, not all. My brain is still in a fog, but when I read posts on here, I think, so that's what's been wrong with me for so long.

In May of 2016, my husband awoke early to find me dressed with a cup of coffee asking what day it was. He checked and said it was Thursday. I kept asking over and over again. He finally realized that something was wrong, so called our daughter. She said I must have asked 100 times what day it was. Why was the dining room table in the living room. The kitchen and dining room were being remodeled. Took me to the ER and a brain scan was done to rule out a stroke. I was diagnosed with transient global amnesia. Around 3PM, I started to be aware of my surroundings. I was in the hospital and had no recollection of getting there. All of my tests were normal, but they kept me over night for observation. I didn't want to stay, but a call to insurance told me that if I left without being released, they would not cover it. I was becoming very aware. The doctor gave me a memory test that evening and again in the morning, which I passed,  before they released me.  Not sure if the TGA was from benzos, but my guess is yes.

The year before, I awoke very dizzy. Went to the ER and all tests were normal. Sent me home with some meds, but by the time I left, the dizziness was mostly gone. I never took the drug they sent me home with. Not even sure what it was.

Two years before these ER incidents, I started feeling like I was dying, for lack of a better explanation. When I went to the PCP and relayed my thoughts, his only comment was," that must feel awful."  I sat there and just stared at him. After a year or so, I stopped feeling like I was dying, but I became more reclusive. I hid inside my home, not wanting to go outside and be seen by anyone. I've gained weight and think I look horrible. As I look back on the last 10 years or so, it's all beginning to make sense. The horrible Benzo life stealer. I just thought it was me and this was how it was, now. Not until I found this site, did I realize it was the drug. The awful, horrible drug, that I had begun to hate, when it no longer helped me to sleep. I kept saying, I would rather be awake and not drugged than being drugged and not sleeping.

So here I am and here I'll stay until I am benzo free.

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You are correct -benzo's are life stealers.  I let them steal 5-6 years of my life.  As my user name suggests-If I had only known, I would have never started this road to ....you fill in the blank! 

This must have been so scary for you-you have incredible strength!  I have health anxiety in addition to everything else so I would have freaked out.  I like you look back and see things that happened that I know are benzo related.  I guess we cant look in the rear view mirror anymore-time to look out the windshield and into the future.  I wish you continued success. 

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Yep they are for sure, they sneak up so slowly you don't even realize its happening until its too late.
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