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1 year off this week and a lovely wave...


[Wa...]

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So, I am officially 1 year off Klonopin this week from a c/t. Wouldn't you know a wave hit me like a ton of bricks. I have had glimpses of less anxiety, cognitive abilities coming back, i can sleep from 11pm to 7am with a few interruptions now, balance is coming back...it seemed as though i was headed for a victory lap and then the wave crashed. I had anxiety attack today that scared me all over again, the nasty thoughts of mental illness and flashback of being on mental floor hit. I have read and read all the posts that have said healing takes awhile with cold-turkey and with coming off benzos anyway, it felt like I was lying to myself today. Like my brain really want me to believe that I am crazy and it couldn't still be benzo w/d. I have cried and cried this afternoon, pacing and telling myself it will pass, I have made it through the worst times and I will make it through this. I want to believe that. I need to believe it.

I find myself when I am around people putting on this fake front, like I am ok and trying to keep my tears from flowing in front of them. Fear that if they found out what was circling around my head or what I felt like, they would lock me up for good. I am good person, I want to be a good person. I am tired of my family seeing me like this.

How long can this last? will it ever just go away? will i know peace again?

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