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28 months later - Fully Healed/Recovered


[Al...]

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Hello to all of those suffering through benzo withdrawal. May 1st will be 28 months since I quit alcohol and Xanax COLD TURKEY! It was hell (read through my posts) and my brain was mush. I was scared and hopeless. My doctors were clueless and thought I was making it all up, but as you know, I wasn't. I couldn't remember what someone said to me 2 sentences prior. I couldn't remember what I ate for lunch or what I had just read. The first 6 months were hell. I have no doubt that I was at the extreme of the brain damage that can occur. The best thing I did for myself was to start practicing yoga. I started with YouTube videos. It was hard, but it was exactly what I needed to help calm my mind and heal my brain. I have not had a drink and I have not taken a pill in 28 months. Treat your brain right and it WILL repair itself. I'm almost in disbelief of the how the brain can rewire and repair. You WILL be okay. You WILL recover. But you have to work for it. Do not lay around in misery. Get outside and stimulate your brain with new experiences, even if it's just a walk around your neighborhood! Start practicing yoga. Meditate. Run. Make new friends if you can. Live life the best you can and you WILL make it to the other side happier and healthier than you were before all of this. I came back because I don't think many people return once they have healed. It was tough to log back in and think about the pain and suffering I endured. You are not alone. You WILL be okay if you decide RIGHT NOW to stop drinking, drugging and anything else you might be doing to poison your body and brain. Flip the switch in your head and decide right now that you are FINISHED with that BS. You can do it! You don't need 12 steps (but if that's your thing, excellent), you don't need anyone. All you need is just beyond the voice of your ego telling you that you are different and special. You ARE NOT any different or more special than anyone else. You are an addict, just like me, whether by prescription or recreation. Accept your flaws, embrace them and bring them into the light, all the way to the other side! Take 100% personal accountability for ALL of you shortcomings and stop blaming others, regardless of the role they have played. YOU CAN DO IT! YOU WILL BE OKAY! I promise you!

 

I'm not any different than any of you either. I was an addict and an alcoholic. Today, I have zero cravings for any drugs or alcohol. I am completely sober and THAT is why I am fully healed. I killed the narcissistic ego lurking in my mind and that is how I have stayed sober and will remain sober for the rest of my life. I am now a registered yoga teacher and I live a happy and fulfilling existence. I'm also incredibly lean and muscular. I look better than I ever have, even in my 20's, with the exception of some wrinkles, grey hair and a receding hair line.  :laugh:

 

I know you are wondering, so I would estimate that at 12 months, I felt 75% recovered. I experienced the biggest improvement in months 6-12. I was fully recovered around 18-20 months. I still have some lingering hypochondria from the trauma and fear I experienced, and possibly some slight memory issues, but not enough to bother me at all. I am fully functioning and these minor issues are still improving. I cannot even say for sure that they are from my withdrawal. I'm 41 so who knows for sure...

 

I'm going to make myself available to anyone who might need reassurance, a shoulder or advice. I know how important this was for me to help me get through, and to survive the hell we all must endure. Message me and I will reply within 24 hours, most likely sooner. Much love to you all!  :smitten: Stay strong!

 

 

Tim (AlTerego)

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[a7...]

Tim,

 

CONGRATULATIONS, both on your sobriety and recovery!!! Fantastic job...I can sense your joy in the new life (and body) you've built for yourself. It's so lovely to hear.

 

Yours is not a popular message, i.e. taking complete responsibility for our own recovery. But I agree with you completely. You're proof that life can be more beautiful than ever after we've walked through the fire...if we're willing to do the work.

 

Thank you for coming back and sharing the hope with those of us still in the midst of the battle. Wishing you a long, healthy life, filled with peace, service, happiness, and love.

 

Much love,

Lara  :smitten:

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A wonderful story!  Thank you so much for coming back to shine the light and encourage us all.  I read the success stories obsessively - they're my #1 means of keeping my head in the game and my spirits up right now.  I think often of my own upcoming success story, and what I might want to say, and I've also thought how hard that will be to log back in one day.  This whole experience has felt like opening the gates of hell. 

 

I'm just going into the fifth month, and hope & pray I'll start to turn that corner soon and feel my healing accelerate.

 

Thanks again - so glad you have a healthy, good life ahead!! 

 

CH

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Awesome! Thanks for posting. I'm glad you now practice yoga and have kept of the alcohol. I'm going to look into yoga myself. Good job 👏
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Hello Tim.

Congratulations on your recovery from these horrible drugs. It must feel amazing to be you again. I have been off of lorazapam for close to 14 months now and am still suffering a lot.  I also tapered sertraline which I have been free of for 8 months.  I think I may have kindled on the lorazapam as my pdoc told me it was ok to take one now and then after I had been off of them for 5 months.  So, unfortunately due to family pressure I believed him.  I thought about ending my precious life this morning as I'm so tired of trying to beat this. I really don't want to leave as I have a beautiful daughter who I love more than anything. The idea that it even crossed my mi d scared me. I have never ever felt so totally exhausted before. I have pushed myself and pushed myself with absolutely no help or understanding from family or friends. My daughter tells me I can't possibly still be in withdrawal and that she does not or will not support me as I'm only doing this for attention. My god!  Who the hell would want to feel like this just to get attention. My anxiety is horrible as is my depression. Things I never had before these drugs. I just do t know what to do anymore, or where to turn. I'm scared. This isn't living and I'm close to being broke as I had to leave my job years ago and have used up my savings.you say we all heal. I think I may be the one percent that won't. I'm not special by any means, but I just don't know how much longer I can do this alone. I really need someone on my side. I know I am better off than lots, as most days I can cook and do dishes and go and get groceries., but it's usually a struggle. I guess I just need some hope and a kind word from someone.  My daughter keeps sending me job postings and I know she means well but there is no way I could work right now. I go for walks and I do work around the house everyday but if I do too much I get terrible spasms in my back that bring me to tears. I have tried to talk to a friend about. This, and have even asked her to go onto this site and read stories, but all I get is,  just go out and get a job ir suck it up.  This has been a very lonely few years for me and it's only getting worse.  I am 63 now and really don't know how I'm ever going to get back on my feet which scares me and makes me feel like such a failure. I can't believe how this tiny little pill has destroyed my life and taken so much away from me. I go to bed at night hoping that the morning will be better, but it never is. I have never had a 100% window and never had an all day window.  I think this may mean that I will not get better. I hope I'm wrong, but it seems like everyone on here has good windows. I do try to be positive, but it's getting harder as time passes.  I have to have surgery in a month or so and going it alone is eating at me as it would be so nice to have someone there for me. I am sounding like a big baby now I know. A woman my age should be stronger.  Sorry I have gone in and on here. I guess I just needed to talk as the only being I have to talk to is God and sometimes I think he has washed his hands of me too. Anyway thanks for your shoulder for a bit, and I am so very happy for you and your success!  I do hope I will be where you are today sometime  I was on .05 mgs of lorazapam for ten years for insomnia and Paxil for menopause. Doctor took me off Paxil cold turkey as she said it wasn't a problem. The door to hell opened shortly after that and instead of helping me with the witbdrawals I was told it was relapse and then put on sertraline and because of horrible side affects was up dosed every two weeks for months.

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[a7...]

Inahandbasket,

 

I wish I could give you the longest, warmest hug... My heart goes out to you. We do understand on here, and you are not alone.

 

63 is by no means old and there really is no reason you cannot recover! I've read many, many stories on here...and I can tell you, there are others who never really see windows, and yet they heal fully. Everyone is so different.

 

I'm struggling a bit to find the right words tonight, but you are very welcome to visit the thread at the bottom of my signature. Again, you're not alone here. You can do this. I believe this with my whole heart.

 

Sending strength and love.

Lara

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Thank you all for your kind replies. You brought me tears with each one. That's no exaggeration either. This is tough for me, but it's even harder for those of you still fighting. I'm by your side in spirit and in any way I can be via this digital medium. Please, keep fighting, do not give up!
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Inahandbasket,

 

I sent you a message. Please, do not harm yourself. You will recover. I look forward to talking with you. I believe I can help.

 

Tim

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Joe,

 

I had all kinds of physical symptoms. Head pressure was the most troubling, but there were also tingling and burning sensations, headaches, funny vision and many more that I probably have buried deep in my psyche. I am unwilling to go back and read my posts. It's just too painful. Send me a PM and tell me about your experience. I'll do my best to offer you something that might help you in your recovery. Today, I am still experiencing some strange sensations in my body. Mostly tingling and numbness, but I have no way to know if it is from my withdrawal or another condition (I have an auto-immune disorder). Best of luck. Hang in there. I hope to hear from you.

 

Tim

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WOW, thank you so much for this!!!

 

 

I had problems with alcohol and at one time thought I needed a 12 step program so it is amazing to hear what you are saying. I knew that I only needed myself!

 

Congratulations on becoming a yoga instructor. I have thought about doing the same thing. That's amazing!!

 

 

Your post really really speaks to me, I can't put it into words, but just know it means the world to someone out there struggling and I am very happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

8) 8) 8) 8)

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Hey Alterego -

 

Congrats on your recovery! 28 months is such a long time but you finally made it through! I am not a benzo user (I am in WD from CTing an antidepressant) but hearing your story of triumph after a CT gives me so much hope! I am almost 7 months out right now and still going through the worst hell of my life. I needed to read your story to give me the strength to carry forward.

 

I have SO many physical sxs and some mental ones. Did you ever have really bad broken sleep and songs looping in your head 24/7? Were you in the windows/waves pattern the whole time or were you in 24/7 torture with gradual upward progress?

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Hey I have a question. I have been practicing yoga at home, I use a book.

 

I tried to use a video and I can't really concentrate and follow along.

 

I know I should go to a class but I'm nervous about the whole idea.

 

How did you break through and start going to class and learning in real life, not from video?

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Thanks Tim I'm overjoyed for you, hope I can be at where you are in a year or so. I'm glad you brought up alcoholism as Benzos triggered it in me and during the taper cravings are unbearable. I know when I'm off it will go away, but it's nice to hear it from someone else. It's the most troubling aspect of my taper. I'm glad you came ack to share your story.
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  • 2 weeks later...
Thanks for posting your success story.  I'm 24 months benzo free and am still suffering.  Some days better than others.  The success stories continue to give me "hope" and faith that I too will heal one day.  Wishing you lots of joy and love in your life.    :-*
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  • 2 weeks later...
Hi I'm so happy for you that you recovered you are giving people lot's of hope. I was just wondering if you had any emotional flatness? I'm really distressed over this symptom and was wondering if you experienced it. I don't have any windows and I'm not doing so well trying to deal with it. The other symptom i have is insomnia but I'm ok to live with that.
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At 28 months out I am still seeing some lingering symptoms.  I have better days now but still am

Not fully back to normal. Will these ever fully go away?

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Hi,

I am so pleased to hear about your recovery - it gives us all hope.  What is the autoimmune issue you are dealing with.  I am trying to fix autoimmune hypothyroidism and its a nightmare trying to sort the symptoms of hypo from withdrawal symptoms.

 

How did you cope with your insomnia after your jump - did you take anything for it.?  I have got awful insomnia and never feel tired - did you suffer that too.

 

Take care :thumbsup:

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Congratulations and thank you for coming back to write your story.  It really means a lot to us that are still in the thick of the struggle.  I am also an addict that used benzos (and opiates) for recreation.  It's hard enough to detox and go through the withdrawal of these medications, but it makes things even tougher when you crave the buzz and like in my case have relapses.  I've only had one really big one but it set me back big time.  Sounds like you really went through it during your cold turkey.  It's great to hear that you're doing a lot better now and have been for a while.  Sometimes I hear about people still suffering big time even after two years or more, but you have to take it with a grain of salt because like you mentioned there's always some initial anxiety that you started out with.  I can't wait to get back to doing yoga myself. It's one of the many things I loved that pills have taken away.  Good job with everything!
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