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What is your current worst symptom/advice needed


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for me it's, what i'm guessing is, depersonalization. i can't remember my actual personality. ive stopped being able to feel a connection with people including myself. i keep finding myself searching online "psychosis" , "schizophrenia onset", and terrifying myself, then I stop and realize everything is accompanied by muscle spasms, twitching eyelids, and I don't think that a truly psychotic person would be able to assess themselves. for whatever reason, it's like my mind will not allow me to remember what it feels like to be recovered. I so badly want to heal again so I can help others, but right now I need some sort of guidance and assurance myself, as I can't quite trust my own thoughts. I'm 38 days in. My symptoms are  so much different and worse this time. Looks like sleep isn't happening even with the benadryl. I. can't imagine today being too great. Should I just go with the flow and  allow myself to feel these horrible feelings without fighting it, as in not Googling all these psychiatric illnesses and expecting myself to be functional again? I don't know what to do to occupy myself other than watch TV.  I feel so self-absorbed when I try to talk to my family/friends because I can't quite focus on anything other than what's going on in my head, so I shut down and can't talk correctly. It's as if I'm watching my world fall apartment, helpless, unable to resolve it. I'd love to hear from others, as it helps me to better understand what's going on inside my own mind  :-[  thank you so much, if I could give you all a hug and peace of mind somehow I would
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early on my worst symptoms were head pressure and hallucinating. i too did a cold turkey. it is a brutal way to go isn't it. It has been over three years now for me and although i considered myself 10 percent healed at the one year mark, there is 10 percent that really hasn't improved for me. I still struggle with DP/DR, and emotional blunting from the moment i wake until the moment i go to bed. i so long to feel like my old self if even just for a day. If i compare myself to the acute period then  am doing fantastic. That really was a horrific terrifying experience.
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Insomnia. Insomnia is the mother of all symptoms - as it can create every other symptom in the benzo withdrawal syndrome plus brain damage.
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early on my worst symptoms were head pressure and hallucinating. i too did a cold turkey. it is a brutal way to go isn't it. It has been over three years now for me and although i considered myself 10 percent healed at the one year mark, there is 10 percent that really hasn't improved for me. I still struggle with DP/DR, and emotional blunting from the moment i wake until the moment i go to bed. i so long to feel like my old self if even just for a day. If i compare myself to the acute period then  am doing fantastic. That really was a horrific terrifying experience.

 

Thank you for responding.  You've been through so much, reading your signature.  3 years is a huge accomplishment  :).  I'm also experiencing kindling right now.  Past periods of benzo wd have always been accompanied by tinnitus, so I at least felt like I knew what was what.  This time there is no tinnitus, but the psychological symptoms are far more severe.  I haven't experienced hallucinating yet.  I'm sure if I were to ever end up in this situation again, I would eventually.  I can't even imagine, that must have been terrifying.  Sometimes if I have music playing or the TV too loud, and someone in my house is having a conversation, I think that they're saying something nasty about me, and my mind will change what they've actually said.. for example: "Do you want to get a coffee?" or whatever will become "Do you want to go somewhere and get away from him? He's miserable and does nothing with his life" until I eliminate noise sources and realize they're not even talking about me.  Not sure if that would be considered a true hallucination, either way it's extremely upsetting.  The first 1-2 weeks were definitely worse in certain ways.  I wasn't yet "accustomed" to being in this mental state, and I still had clear memories of what non-benzo withdrawal life was like, so it felt more devastating to me to be in this state.  Maybe that's the nature of long-acting benzos, or just benzos in general, I'm not sure. Clonazepam was the main one for me.  Now I just can't remember at all, I sleep 3-4 hours max of the lightest sleep ever.  Agreed, this is a brutal, horrific, terrifying experience  :-[

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Insomnia. Insomnia is the mother of all symptoms - as it can create every other symptom in the benzo withdrawal syndrome plus brain damage.

 

Agreed.  I got 2 hours of light, interrupted sleep.  I feel more terrible than usual.  I can at least leave the house and accomplish something after sleeping 4+ hours, even if it's minuscule.  Today it's just not happening.  Monday and Wednesday were just as bad.  It's been an every other day thing this week.  Every week seems to bring something new. 

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