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WAVE getting more indepth!!! Losing hope quickly.


[Ta...]

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Hi everyone.

All I do is cry.  I sounded like a wounded animal this afternoon.  I can't take anymore of this impending doom and fear in my body.  I just feel so helpless and lost. I'm living from minute to minute and it's torture. No one should have to endure this. 

I've just got know idea as to what is going on.  I just can't believe that this wave has hit me so strong and for so long at close to 13 months out.

I haven't felt like this since I reached tolerance and acute.  It just doesn't make sense.

Does this mean I'm heading towards protracted withdrawl with this wave being so acute. 

I thought the waves were supposed to get easier the further we get down the track.

I'm absolutely shattered and can't get myself in a good space at all.  I don't have any comfort in my body and I can't get away from this.

I'm trying so hard to get distracted but it keeps hitting me in overwhelming surges of despair.

I think this is me forever.

I'm just so sad and frightened. 

I think I had my heart set on being well at 12 months and now this onset of acute symptoms has knocked me for 6. I have no idea where I am in this journey.

Please pray for me to hang on.

love

Tallow

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

 

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Hi tallow love . I'm sorry but I'm going through the exact same thing now . You are not alone . I still in this wave for 3 weeks and not let up . This has been a long wave since I jumped . I feel very tired and my body is full of dread. Headache , intrusive thoughts, chest pain ,feelings of despair and thoughts of this is me forever , I'm permanent brain damage , etccc.....it's horrible ....I have to push my body to do things ....zero energy ....but we have to hang on....for a little while ....

 

Hope you feel better ,

 

Tracy

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I'm so sorry you ar going through this Tallow Love. You will get through this. If it makes you feel any better, I'm in a really nasty wave myself. I'm 16 months off and still struggling. The mornings/afternoons are incredibly rough....intense back pain, fatigue, nerve pain/itching, anxiety and depression. Somehow, in the late afternoons, the depression breaks and the other symptoms lessen. My mood improves by a landslide.

 

Remember this is just withdrawal and you will walk out of this free in the near future. It's not going to take forever. It just feels like it. 

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Hi Healthfirst.

I sure know how to cry. I even let out a few screams today.  I'm glad the kids weren't home.

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

Hi Bhealthy.

I hope your wave lets up soon as well.  It's just so cruel and unfair.  Have you had many windows before this?

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

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Hi Tallow

 

      I am going through the same. You are not alone. Mine is a little different such as I am in and out of the wave each week. The wave is less intense most days but on some days it is rough. I am only at 14 months out and from some of the posts I have read here the average time it takes to heal for most people is 2 years but with that being said, I also read that many people really start to break through around 16 to 18 months out. At this point in time we are extra sensitive and I think the more we worry and panic it can intensify certain symptoms. There is no easy way to deal with this stuff, I try not to let it get to me. Some how, some way I keep powering through each day believing I will get better as time goes on and will eventually heal. All the stuff you are going through is the normal part of withdrawal. You will get better. It takes awhile but you will heal.  :thumbsup:

 

  ldm27    :smitten:

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Ohh dear

Remember the tread I put up, after a really bad spell there should be a huge turn around. You're in my thoughts and I'm sure you will get through. I know a lot of people are saying to try to distract, to me it has never worked, I've always choosed to face the symptoms face on, feel them as strong as I could meditate my whole mind into every inch of discomfort, observing and talking to them, I know it sounds strange, but the idea of trying to distract your self with a flower or anything while a huge fat monster is dragging in your body has not for me worked, the monster was still there. I would rather turn around and say HEY YOU BIG FAT DESPAIR OF A MONSTER WAVE I KNOW YOURE TRYING TO TELL ME ITS RAINING WHILE YOUR PISSING DIWN MY NECK, I really REALLY don't have time to you right now, so could you please tell me what you want or if I can help you, and then we can work on it together. The symptoms are a part of withdrawal we have to accept them and work with them, they can not do uss harm, they can just be a pain in the arse. Don't try running from them they're a part of you while this is going on. It's your own brain who is making these symptoms and your brain is healing and are injured and really really need help to learn to overcome these emotions and you're the closets one to do it. All my love Angelene  :smitten:

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Ohh Tallow, I would like to hug you and tell you everything will be ok. I'm so sorry you are in this terrible wave. I know how you feel, and I know it will get better.

 

For me, I never had a window and I don't even remember how is feels like not to have a horrible burning headache and life without anxiety. But I still keep pushing myself forward. Pain are less intense and I'm grateful for any tiny improvement.

For me the distraction never work either. When you are in agonizing pain your mind not able to focus on anything else. But hot loooong bath always worked for me and a nice walk outside. If you have garden go outside and try to do some gardening.

 

Please don't give up. We do it together and we will heal together! Maybe is not going to be in exactly same time but what other body's said around 16-24 months most people get better.

I'm praying for you and sending a big hug and love for you!  :smitten::hug:

 

 

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Hi Tallow!

You are not alone. I am almost to 7 weeks of my wave and 15 months off and so sad that I couldn't drive or go to the store or function. I was dizzy and so much head pain. It is easing ever slightly and I think what has helped me is to realize while it feels never ending that everything comes to an end eventually. Good things and bad things as life is ever changing end. So while we have been suffering for so long it is easy to cry and be angry and scream and everything. I am so damn mad myself that we are all suffering but we will be okay and then fight for others to avoid this tragedy. Do not lose hope and do not feel alone because all of us are with you and cheering in your corner.

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Oh Tallow, I will pray for you tonight. I have been in a wave too--only slept one hour last night and cried many times today. I have to go wind down now before trying to sleep again. Hope you feel better soon. Sending you lots and lots of hugs. You will get through this. Please hold on.
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Tallowlove, I'm so sorry you are in such a bad place right now. I know the exact feeling you are describing of that deep, desperate, lonely crying full of fear and terror, it's truly horrible. After 11 months it still shocks me when I'm feeling slightly better I forget how bad it is when that horror wave hits and tell myself that next time it comes just remember it ends and I'll feel better again but sure enough when it comes there's no reasoning with myself and then I don't remember at all what that good moment felt like and I'm adamant I will spend the rest of my life in this torture, it's truly one of the nastiest tricks on our benzo brains, I often think I should make a video talking to myself on a good day just to remind myself "this too shall end" because it always does and one day it will end forever, I just hope that happens sooner rather than later for all of us. This benzo world we live in is so lonely , even with BB's and a supportive family I've never experienced loneliness like it, you explain to people as best as you can the torment you live every day but they will never fully understand, I know I wouldn't unless I lived it but I understand and hear you, its torture and we should never have to live like this and it should never have happened to us but the buddies before us have lived it also and they are now off living their lives to the fullest without a thought towards that horrible period in their lives and you will too one day. Much love  :smitten:
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Thanks for all these loving and supportive posts.  This site is such a security blanket for me.

Still struggling big time but feel so blessed to be a part of this aamazing group.

My love goes out to you all and I pray that those of you in waves get some relief soon. 

We all deserve days of inner peace and happiness.

Take care friends

Love Tallow

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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