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Why am I so much worse 15 months out?i


[Je...]

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I don't know if it's because I am just so worn out from fighting but for the last 5.5 weeks I haven't been able to drive. I cant go to a store. I haven't been to any of my therapy appointments. I am not able to be on my own. Even in acute and through the taper I was on my own and still going to my appointments but now I can't drive. My eyes cannot interpret stimulation so when I am on a busy road as a passenger or driving I get so sick and my head starts cramping! Why wont this improve? Why is is it so slow? Over 3 years of my life gone ... I am so sad. Does anyone have any advice to give me hope?
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I typically have heard that when a really bad wave hits like you are speaking of that symptoms get significantly better afterwards :-) and that the symptoms are signs of you healing! I was told that it is your brain adjusting to the differences of healing that sometimes make the symptoms flare up and that once your brain adjusts everything will be better!
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Thank you Robert! I am trying to stay positive and keep going but it is truly a battle of will. Wait info and missing out on so much of my life has been crazy. I have heard what you are saying and I want to believe it but it sure is tough. I guess closer to the finish line can be hell just like the beginning. Thanks for your kindness and responding.
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Hi Jenn13.

 

I'm suffering with you and I'm so over it as well.  This wave is brutal and feels like acute again.  I never thought I would have to go through these symptoms so severe again and for so long.  Absolutely CRAZY!!!

 

All we can do is stay strong and ride the storm.

I just feel so unwell and lost.  This is such a scary ride.

 

You're in my loving thoughts.

Hang in there.

 

Tallow Love

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

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Thanks Tallow! It is so crazy. At first I thought I was dying. I think that it was so traumatic during acute that I blocked it all out and now that I am back in the depths of hell when I thought I would be well, it is all coming back. This is seriously the most cruel process ever. I really can't believe it.

 

And the fact that no one is held accountable for all of us suffering is maddening. I started these meds in 1998 and now that I know that they were aware of it harming people I am so angry. I know anger doesn't help but today I m just so over it.

 

Thank you for your kind response and I hope you feel much better soon. I just want to be able to drive and go to the store so I can be back on my own. I want to be able to do everything but having my basic abilities stripped away AGAIN is just plain mean.

 

Okay thanks for listening. Be well!

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These drugs are straight from hell. This will be the hardest thing you will ever go through.

Once you are healed you may remember it was hard but with the feeling of pain being gone you will be at peace with it.

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Hi silveralpha, I wondered if you are fully recovered? I hope I am one day and I hope you are right that the memory will fade from how horrible this time has been. Thanks
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No I am not completely healed at 19 months today. However the further out I get my memories of the pain and all my symptoms are becoming more distant.

Don't get me wrong I still remember it was hell on earth and it felt like my life was falling apart, but once those thoughts are gone and your head is clearer, it becomes harder to relate to it.

Very hard to explain. There are others that have described the same thing.

 

Some of the worse cases swore that they were going to have PTSD from this and went on to have no ill effects at all.

 

I think it is all about time and allowing your body to calm down on its on timeline.

For some of us it will take a couple of years or more to be completely healed.

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Hi Jenn, hold on because as I have seen these past months and with myself too the sixteenth month is a good one  especially after a rough wave ... I think I actually wrote about how good I felt and I know before it  around month 14, I was in a wave and before this too ... I felt really healed at 16 months and was feeling 100..though I didn't say it ... I can say though apart from Insomnia and a few aches ..palpitations and just a few others that are so much easier now ...I feel okay ..I can do all my housework cook clean ect ...shop at the store ..babysit without any problem and enjoy it ... you will soon be out of the wave , I know my wave at around the same time was torture ...I felt weak nausea shaking and thought I was about to pass out on standing ... really bad and so ill...the worst wave ...this for me was the last bad one like it ...others were similar but a quarter Intense ...now they are less and less Intense ... the Insomnia is my worst and some muscle and joint pain ... you will be soon out of it SENDING A HUG ..x
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Thank you Tassie! I really appreciate that information.  It is hard to imagine being able to actually enjoy something after all of this time.  LOL.  I hope that I am blessed to have some relief soon.  I am happy to hear that you are much better. It is weird because I really cannot believe that the wave can be this maddening so far out, but then many say that healing is taking place so I am counting on that.  I just have moments of such despair and frustration.  Thanks again for the encouragement. Looking forward to life again one day soon. :)
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Jenn, I have found the worse the wave the better the window and after the window is closed symptoms never feel so Intense or for as long ..It is healing taking place ...you will soon feel alright . x
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Hi Jenn

 

  Just want to let you know that you are not alone. I am about the same....14 months out and since January I have been in a more intense wave. But for the last three weeks I have been getting a huge window for one day in each of the weeks...and then...right back into the wave. This benzo withdrawal is some crazy stuff. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. For these last three weeks it has been an experience...I can tell stuff is changing and hoping I am getting closer to recovery. I wish the same for you...and all of us going through this nightmare. I believe you are near to turning that corner and soon you will feel a lot better.  :thumbsup:

 

 

  ldm27

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I typically have heard that when a really bad wave hits like you are speaking of that symptoms get significantly better afterwards :-) and that the symptoms are signs of you healing! I was told that it is your brain adjusting to the differences of healing that sometimes make the symptoms flare up and that once your brain adjusts everything will be better!

 

^ This is a nice thought but I don't think there is any proof that supports this claim. From what I know and have experienced, bad waves come and go and aren't really indicative of healing any sooner. If that were true, I would have been healed a long time ago. ;)

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Jenn, I have found the worse the wave the better the window and after the window is closed symptoms never feel so Intense or for as long ..It is healing taking place ...you will soon feel alright . x

 

I hope that is the case. I am thankful I was able to walk around the block and get some fresh air today.  It is crazy how debilitating it can be to get into these bad waves. I wish someone could just fix me but that is a useless thought. I hope you are having a better day. Thanks.

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I am almost 12 months jumped and have had some wonderful windows but am currently in a severe wave.  I as you wonder how much longer these withdrawals are going to last.  You are at 15 months and still suffering which tells me I still have a ways to go myself.  We just have to keep getting through each day because that puts us one day closer to healing.
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I typically have heard that when a really bad wave hits like you are speaking of that symptoms get significantly better afterwards :-) and that the symptoms are signs of you healing! I was told that it is your brain adjusting to the differences of healing that sometimes make the symptoms flare up and that once your brain adjusts everything will be better!

 

^ This is a nice thought but I don't think there is any proof that supports this claim. From what I know and have experienced, bad waves come and go and aren't really indicative of healing any sooner. If that were true, I would have been healed a long time ago. ;)

 

 

 

I agree with this so much  :smitten:

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I am almost 12 months jumped and have had some wonderful windows but am currently in a severe wave.  I as you wonder how much longer these withdrawals are going to last.  You are at 15 months and still suffering which tells me I still have a ways to go myself.  We just have to keep getting through each day because that puts us one day closer to healing.

 

Yes each day we survive is a day closer to healing.  I can't wait to be able to live again.  This wave I am in is like a tsunami! hahahah....but I am just trying to be peaceful as I can and ride it out.  Way to go 12 months is great! 

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I typically have heard that when a really bad wave hits like you are speaking of that symptoms get significantly better afterwards :-) and that the symptoms are signs of you healing! I was told that it is your brain adjusting to the differences of healing that sometimes make the symptoms flare up and that once your brain adjusts everything will be better!

 

^ This is a nice thought but I don't think there is any proof that supports this claim. From what I know and have experienced, bad waves come and go and aren't really indicative of healing any sooner. If that were true, I would have been healed a long time ago. ;)

 

 

 

I agree with this so much  :smitten:

 

Hi Marj!  Did you get better or are you still in the process?

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