My new life

[[Kl...]]

I guess the benzo brain is legit making me not only crazy but, delusional. How could I have ever thought that I could just go on like a normal person right now when I'm NOT. It will be nine months next week that I jumped, and it feels like 9 years. I've had to work the entire time and this has made me worse. Why do I have to work? Well my husband doesn't make a lot of money, and he doesn't try to change. We were going to buy a house and we've been looking and god just won't allow it because it won't work. How can I even think about paying a mortgage right now in my condition? I have a mentally and phsically demanding job I'm a dental hygienist and I can't do it anymore right now. I have reached my limit. I'm trying to be ten different people and I can't even be me at this time. My husband has threatened to leave me numerous times throughout this, maybe he should go. I can't and shouldnt have to carry him. I need him to carry me. I don't know how much time this will take but I'll tell you this much. My parents gave me a good amount of money for a down payment and none of that shit matters. I have the best credit in the world and none of that matters. Not any amount of credit, money, a job, nice weather, sunny days or pools (I live in Florida now), can take this away. Everyday I feel like my spine is going to snap in half. Now BC in having so many muscular issues, its causing other parts of me to fall apart. I have had such bad leg pain on my left leg inner upper thigh area that I cry screaming its killing me and he doesn't care. He doesn't understand this. He's nervous if I don't work because we won't survive if I don't, yet I'm barely surviving because I do. I'm not afraid BC the lord is with me and he knows the truth, I'm not looking for pity just saying that you can't push through this. My job affects the body on women who aren't going through this, carpal tunnel, back problems. I just can't keep going. My mother in law woke me up to reality again today, she told my husband if he had a better paying job or looked for another job on top of the one he has we wouldn't have to struggle so much to pay a higher mortgage. This isn't about money, this is about the fact I got sick from these damn pills and he can't contribute enough to even pay rent alone. Its like we have one salary only right now, mine. He gets paid cash and sometimes he'll make 800$ a month, the most he's made a month here so far has been about 1200$, I believe. He's a watch polisher and well that's another story. No one ever plans to get sick, but things happen in life without warning sometime. At this point, I feel I can't do anymore but just try to heal and live day by day. I am 36 years old, and may have to move back home because we won't be able to stay here paying rent while I am not working. He probably will not want to be with me because he has stated that and he's exhausted as well from this whole ordeal. Jesus take the wheel.

[[Je...]]

I am sorry for your suffering. We have had our lives stolen. It is causing so much strain on relationships. I am praying Gods covering over you and that's He will make a way. I am 40 and have my own crisis. However, I just want to let you know someone is listening and I hope that you can get enough peace of mind to make the right decisions. None of us wanted this life interruption. We must persevere and encourage each other until we recover. I hope things improve and you can see a way.

[[He...]]

Do What your heart is saying. Its time to stop and take care of you, your life, your health.

 

Sometimes we fix our life in our heads and then se cant move due this

 

In my case, i dont care about work, carreer , relations... I care about my self because im sick