How long can you blame it on the benzos?

[[Ch...]]

So, over a year after my last cut I feel pretty stable generally but one truly horrifying symptom persists.

 

That is, the urge to bash my head against any hard surface. It comes and goes, sometines after weeks pretty much free of it.  But is scary and distressing as you can imagine. It seems to be triggered by a build up of stress and frustration and has come back with a vengeance after a very stressful week.

 

I don't feel I can handle it much longer. I have talked about it before and know others have had the same but I am wondering if some kind of neural pathway is now hard wired.

 

I am thinking of phoning the mental health crisis team tomorrow but what can they do other than sling me in the psych ward? I am scared for the future, really I am.  This was not an issue pre-w/d. Talk about deadly Klonopin.

[[bu...]]

So, over a year after my last cut I feel pretty stable generally but one truly horrifying symptom persists.

 

That is, the urge to bash my head against any hard surface. It comes and goes, sometines after weeks pretty much free of it.  But is scary and distressing as you can imagine. It seems to be triggered by a build up of stress and frustration and has come back with a vengeance after a very stressful week.

Then it would seem that's the problem, not you benzo history. 

 

I don't feel I can handle it much longer. I have talked about it before and know others have had the same but I am wondering if some kind of neural pathway is now hard wired.

 

I am thinking of phoning the mental health crisis team tomorrow but what can they do other than sling me in the psych ward? I am scared for the future, really I am.  This was not an issue pre-w/d. Talk about deadly Klonopin.

Sounds like a winner to me. 

 

 

[[be...]]

I am sorry you are going through this. I think calling a crisis line is a excellent idea.They should be able to steer you in the right direction in getting mental health help.

[[Ch...]]

Thanks. Past experience shows me the crisis line is pretty dysfunctional. I suspect going to the ER would be a better bet. I honestly wonder what anyone can do. I have felt like this before and come through it and that is what I am hanging onto.

 

Others have told me they have had this in w/d too - it seems to be a Klonopin thing.

 

I am genuinely curious to know though at what point you can say you are fully stable after a cut or jumping?

[[li...]]

I guess the ER could give you a benzo or some Haldol ...

 

'mental health crisis' ? Doesn't sound safe IMO.

 

I don't know if some psychotherapy would work. My guess is that it's basically the Klonopin.

[[lo...]]

You've been making massive cuts! perhaps try a very small one, and them more frequently if you can handle it.

 

It could be some severe OCD surfacing, the urge / compulsion is something I've dealt with my whole life and it parallels what you're talking about.

 

So the answer would be therapy, but, benzo's really mess our heads up so I would also recommend a tiny tiny cut! maybe 2%!

[[Ch...]]

Appreciate the input.

 

I did make massive cuts before I knew better, that is true.

 

I guess the answer is no one can say for sure how mich is benzos. But I am sure without K I would not be in this place now.

 

On the flip side I did have OCD so maybe that is part of it but this feels more like some primal urge from my benzo-screwed brain.

 

I think I am now wired to react like this to stress overload.

 

Just in case anyone else reads this who has the same issue I am going to use ice cube therapy as taught in K Klub. That is confusing the nervous system by squeezing ice cubes in my hands.