Help

[[so...]]

I'm going through the psychosis again. I know I'm real and that I'm not dead. I just get sucked back into ruminating whether or not I am. I have Pure o OCD which is like the nastiest form of OCD there is. Please can someone reassure me that I'm alive and that I'm not dead please?

[[pn...]]

You are alive and typing. Sometimes the depths this thing can bring us to are almost unbearable.. almost.

[[so...]]

It just feels like I am tho. Like I'm trying to grasp onto anything that will make me think I'm alive. I can't seem to hold onto the thought that I'm going through withdrawals. It's so scary to think you could of went to heaven but now it's too late.

[[Wh...]]

If you are still, can you feel life in your body?  Like tingling or vibrating?  I wonder if that would help ground you to the reality that you are alive.  Your depersonalization/derealization is severe and you can get thru it.  It is actually there to protect you.

[[Wh...]]

P.S.  You didn't miss going to heaven, that is yet to come for when you really do die.  In the meantime know that you are in w/d.  Did you cold turkey?  Your signature doesn't say where you're at.

[[tw...]]

I've been where you are, it's a very scary place. My severe stage was better in about a week. I found that grounding exercises would help me. Put your bare feet on the floor or grass outside & feel it beneath your feet. If you have a pet, pet their fur & hug them (my lab loves hugs) or get a soft blanket & rub it. Fix yourself some hot tea & hold the warm cup in your hands & smell it. I found that helpful. Do NOT forget to eat, even if you can't. Stay hydrated. You're going to get through this, I promise, even if it feels like you won't! You are ok.

[[so...]]

Yes I am ten days into one mg three times a day of klonopin withdrawals. Thanks guys. It just feels like I'm losing it. But this is keeping me grounded.

[[so...]]

I just feel so detached.. I know I'm fine then I get sucked back into I'm lost. I'm a sinner and I'm lost. Man these thoughts are just so disturbing, the dreams are beyond horrible. Please God get me through this.

[[so...]]

All he staff there where really nice but they didn't believe that it could last years. I felt and still feel alone. But you guys are grounding me by your responses.

[[tw...]]

I ct'd off 2 mg of klonopin & was fine until day 10, when I had some sort of psychotic break, if you will. Extreme soul crushing depression, pacing for hours, felt like I was brain damaged or had dementia & that I'd never be normal again. I also was unable to eat & had to force feed myself. Thought I was absolutely a goner.

 

You are in the throes of it now. I got to where I was just completely unable to think anymore. I was completely dysfunctional at home, but I had to go to work, and was frightened to drive & barely was able to get anything done. I went to the ER, and was sent home after all tests showed nothing obviously wrong. And the klonopin had been out of my system for 2 weeks. I recovered with no lasting effects.

 

You're going to get through this...you ARE. Try to get out of your own head. Focus on what you can see in front of you. What you can touch. What you can smell. Make absolutely sure you are eating enough & staying hydrated. Tell your body that you are doing everything you can to take care of it, and get it through this safely.

 

From my experience with where you are, you should start to turn a corner of some sort by weeks 2-3. Keep doing your grounding exercises. They really did help me immensely.

[[so...]]

I mean this morning I was fine up until about ten minutes ago and had a massive panic attack. So I'm trying to convince myself that I won't lose it. But it's so hard. I can't explain it only to feel deep crushing impending doom come over me. Like I walked into a room called doom.

 

This is deep. I didn't know the klonopin was numbing such anxiety that I was unable to think without it.

[[tw...]]

It does numb you for sure, but the depths of despair I felt in acute, I had never, ever felt before. It was just not my baseline in any way. It was in my head, in my case. I came out of this doom-filled horrific depression the longer I was off the klonopin. I wouldn't think in any way that this is your normal state if I were you. For me, it was just a hyperactive response to feeling normal anxiety and normal lows. I'd been a zombie while on benzos. It will get better. You just have to keep telling yourself that.

[[so...]]

These forums are the only thing that keep me going. I still see hope and a light. Through all of this I must admit I didn't think my normal self felt like this. Now I look back and see since I've been cut off of the klonopin with no option to reinstate. I have to do this for me.