12 months free - What a long year!!!!

[[Ta...]]

WOW is all I can say - I've made 12 months  :thumbsup:

 

This time 12 months ago I took on a personal job that has been the hardest work I've ever had to endure. The job description was not ideal but I had no other option but to take it if I was going to move forward and become a healthier and happier me. This last year has been dedicated to moving towards becoming the CEO of my own body and nothing will ever take that position away from me again. The hours have been relentless and the pain I've endured has been horrific.

 

Luckily there have been days where the job hasn't been so hard and it's given me the incentive to stay on track, love my work and move up the ranks. I was told if I stuck at my job my health and happiness would return gradually in a subtle way even though I would have to endure countless nasty bodily symptoms during the process. I took this chance with open arms!!!!

 

I actually feel very uplifted and empowered today knowing that I have 12 months securely noted in my resume.  Is the job PERFECT yet??  NO WAY.  In the past 365 days this is what I've dealt with:

1. Acute days: 30

2. Wave days: 106

3. 1/2 Wave days: 125

4. Coping: 63

5. Much better: 45

I had to stop my after school home tutoring during the acute phase and then I slowly worked my way back to four nights. I operate so much better towards the end of the day so tutoring at this time is ideal for me. I returned to relief teaching at my local school this term and have completed 6 days. I was lucky to hit 6 coping days. This is probably enough proof in the pudding to prove that healing slowly happens.  My point is tiny steps make secure progress.

I keep a daily journal which gives me so much insight to my working days and proof that those early acute days haven't returned. Time is my friend and without it healing would be impossible. I also have two other wonderful supports and they are my devoted, caring and understanding husband along with all my Benzo Buddies.  This is what I wrote this time 12 months ago:

 

  "OMG this is the worst I've ever been, but I will hold on for Sean and the kids. I want to be here, I want to be well. I'm just stuck at home, I can't go anywhere. I won't be able to tutor tonight I'm going to have to give it all away. This saddens me so much. All I can do is cry!!!! I really don't know how I'm going to keep strong. This is so in depth and the pain is constant. I'm so so scared. Please God let me hang on" :'(

 

After waking with impending doom the past 6 mornings and crying constantly throughout the day things turned around today and I was treated to a day of decreased symptoms.  I feel like I've been given a bonus and a promotion. These baseline days are still not 100% but I'd take these any day over a wave of doom. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

 

At the moment I still feel very detached from life with an incomplete state. My baseline days are manageable but still consist of symptoms that put a stop to my natural flow of life. I'm in this for the long haul and want to prove to everyone that healing is possible with so many added benefits. I will write a success story in the future and go on to live a beautiful enriched life with my sweet family.

 

My life may seem small at the moment but I'm sure this second year will make it even bigger and brighter. I have so much to be here for and so much to give. I finally have hope and strength to conquer this incredible journey and live life with a silent and peaceful mind instead of inner loud chat and tying to hide my secret life. Thanks to everyone on BB for your continued support, love, care and understanding. You're all my online ANGELS!!!  :angel: :angel:

 

If you're just starting out on this marathon please take note that things do improve slowly over time and the touch of life can excite you once again. My biggest tip for a WAVE as hard as it gets is to AFP (accept, Float and let it pass). During the depths of one I try to nurture myself  unconditionally with resting, baths, success stories, keeping lightly active, cooking, reading, craft, reassuring myself it will pass and sticking to my safe boundaries.  You all know what it's like to hang in the bubble - safe place!!!!  Doubt definitely always kicks in but I try my best to push it aside. (not always easy)

 

Now I'm not sure when I can resign from this personal job that has been thrown my way but when I do I'll be the happiest girl in the world. Sorry for the long post but I believe sharing this with everyone is another step in the healing process.

 

Take care and take time everyone.

Healing will come eventually.

Oceans of LOVE

Tallow

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

(so happy to be out of the WAVE to write this) 

[[er...]]

Hey Tallow Love,

 

Congratulations on making 12 months!!!

 

I like your new CEO job and creative way to describe how we must participate in our own recovery.  It has certainly been hard and I don't think anyone besides us in benzo recovery will ever come close to understanding what this has been like..

 

Thanks for everything and I hope you start to heal even faster during this second year!

 

Good job!!!

 

Eric

[[Tr...]]

Congratulations! You did a good job. 12 months is a huge milestone. I can't wait to get there , I'm 9 months. Thank you for posting.

 

Tracy

[[Ta...]]

Thanks So much Eric.

I'm really looking forward to this second year for further healing to happen. I'm hoping

boot camp is coming to an end and better days will appear. Wishing you a productive second

year with extended healing.

The body is magic!!!!

:smitten: :smitten:

 

Hi TracyNGLE

Well done on 9 months!!  You will get to 12 months and when you do it's an amazing feeling of pure

proudness.  Stay strong darl and reach for the stars.

At times the going gets really tough but we have to stay strong and think of the finish line.

I'm still waiting for a really good window at 12 months - it will come!!!!!

Tallow

:smitten: :smitten:

[[Co...]]

This is such a great post, TallowLove, thanks.  I know this coming year will get better and better for you.  I can't wait to read your success story! 

[[te...]]

Congratulations on 12 months free Tallow 

[[be...]]

One year! That is a huge milestone to hit.  

[[on...]]

Congrats on twelve months benzo free!! It is a great accomplishment. I will reach 12 months on May 31st so I know how hard the struggle is!! Best wishes as you move into another year!!

[[Ma...]]

WOW is all I can say - I've made 12 months  :thumbsup:

 

This time 12 months ago I took on a personal job that has been the hardest work I've ever had to endure. The job description was not ideal but I had no other option but to take it if I was going to move forward and become a healthier and happier me. This last year has been dedicated to moving towards becoming the CEO of my own body and nothing will ever take that position away from me again. The hours have been relentless and the pain I've endured has been horrific.

 

Luckily there have been days where the job hasn't been so hard and it's given me the incentive to stay on track, love my work and move up the ranks. I was told if I stuck at my job my health and happiness would return gradually in a subtle way even though I would have to endure countless nasty bodily symptoms during the process. I took this chance with open arms!!!!

 

I actually feel very uplifted and empowered today knowing that I have 12 months securely noted in my resume.  Is the job PERFECT yet??  NO WAY.  In the past 365 days this is what I've dealt with:

1. Acute days: 30

2. Wave days: 106

3. 1/2 Wave days: 125

4. Coping: 63

5. Much better: 45

I had to stop my after school home tutoring during the acute phase and then I slowly worked my way back to four nights. I operate so much better towards the end of the day so tutoring at this time is ideal for me. I returned to relief teaching at my local school this term and have completed 6 days. I was lucky to hit 6 coping days. This is probably enough proof in the pudding to prove that healing slowly happens.  My point is tiny steps make secure progress.

I keep a daily journal which gives me so much insight to my working days and proof that those early acute days haven't returned. Time is my friend and without it healing would be impossible. I also have two other wonderful supports and they are my devoted, caring and understanding husband along with all my Benzo Buddies.  This is what I wrote this time 12 months ago:

 

  "OMG this is the worst I've ever been, but I will hold on for Sean and the kids. I want to be here, I want to be well. I'm just stuck at home, I can't go anywhere. I won't be able to tutor tonight I'm going to have to give it all away. This saddens me so much. All I can do is cry!!!! I really don't know how I'm going to keep strong. This is so in depth and the pain is constant. I'm so so scared. Please God let me hang on" :'(

 

After waking with impending doom the past 6 mornings and crying constantly throughout the day things turned around today and I was treated to a day of decreased symptoms.  I feel like I've been given a bonus and a promotion. These baseline days are still not 100% but I'd take these any day over a wave of doom. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

 

At the moment I still feel very detached from life with an incomplete state. My baseline days are manageable but still consist of symptoms that put a stop to my natural flow of life. I'm in this for the long haul and want to prove to everyone that healing is possible with so many added benefits. I will write a success story in the future and go on to live a beautiful enriched life with my sweet family.

 

My life may seem small at the moment but I'm sure this second year will make it even bigger and brighter. I have so much to be here for and so much to give. I finally have hope and strength to conquer this incredible journey and live life with a silent and peaceful mind instead of inner loud chat and tying to hide my secret life. Thanks to everyone on BB for your continued support, love, care and understanding. You're all my online ANGELS!!!  :angel: :angel:

 

If you're just starting out on this marathon please take note that things do improve slowly over time and the touch of life can excite you once again. My biggest tip for a WAVE as hard as it gets is to AFP (accept, Float and let it pass). During the depths of one I try to nurture myself  unconditionally with resting, baths, success stories, keeping lightly active, cooking, reading, craft, reassuring myself it will pass and sticking to my safe boundaries.  You all know what it's like to hang in the bubble - safe place!!!!  Doubt definitely always kicks in but I try my best to push it aside. (not always easy)

 

Now I'm not sure when I can resign from this personal job that has been thrown my way but when I do I'll be the happiest girl in the world. Sorry for the long post but I believe sharing this with everyone is another step in the healing process.

 

Take care and take time everyone.

Healing will come eventually.

Oceans of LOVE

Tallow

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

(so happy to be out of the WAVE to write this) 

 

 

Well .. well.. WELL DONE!!! CONGRATS!!!!!

You helped me so much here on bb, and I am so proud of your effort and your way of dealing with all the wd stuff.

What a year! And you made it, survived it and  - really thats awesome.. I am sure that you are a person who will be happy no matter what, you know? You have an inner wisdom, strength and love in your heart which I really appreciate and I really wish your dreams to come true in the following years. Big hugs, Marigold