Four months benzo-free - good days and bad days

[[so...]]

I am coming up on four months benzo-free. I have good days and bad days. There are few physical symptoms at this point and the ones I do have are mild (akathisia and heart palps but they leave me alone most of the time). It's the anxiety that gets the best of me. I've gotten quite good at shooing away actual panic attacks. I keep wondering when the worst of it will hit, but when I am having a really bad day, it feels like the end of the world.

 

Even though I am hanging in there and doing my very best (I might describe this as "going through the motions") at work and in my relationship, I keep wondering if life will ever feel normal again. I don't know if it's the benzos or if it's just my jaded mind. I only seem to enjoy things superficially most of the time. It's not that things don't matter to me. They do. I just feel very detached.

 

I see a lot of posts saying that things don't really start getting better until the one-year mark. I wonder if that is true. I feel like I'm doing pretty well, but when I think back to the last couple of months before I jumped, I was practically euphoric compared to this. I guess that wasn't that long ago and that should give me hope that the feeling will return someday.

 

At any rate, I am thankful that I am free from that @#$%& controlled substance. I'm now only on one prescription for my blood pressure and I have cut back on supplements too. I don't have to worry about running out of pills or forgetting to take one. My moods might be strange right now but they are not at the mercy of a little white pill. If nothing else, that freedom is a really good thing.

[[no...]]

Well done SP Like you said its a biggie actually not having to think about taking a pill any more and just try mitigate or ignore the symptoms the best you can I can't wait to be able to not have to think about taking the pill, worrying if I've taken it, taken too much, and at least we know we're symptomatic because we're off the pill but it will get better  eventually. Not because we're not sure if its to do with cuts being too big, doses missed, cutting too fast/slow  we did something wrong with the pill,    All the best to you from here on in and beyond, upwards on onwards to wellness

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Hi SandP good to hear from you! I'm glad your physical symptoms have pretty much subsided, it's just a matter of time before the mental ones go too. I can relate to the detachment too, my brain is just too tired to emote. Let's hope we can both recover in less than a year.

[[ed...]]

SandP,

 

Great news that the physical symptoms have faded. I bet it won't be long until the mental symptoms diminish as well. You've come a long way!

 

All the best!

 

--Ed

[[so...]]

Nova, you're almost there, and Grapejuice and Ed, you've jumped! This is quite the celebratory thread then, despite my melancholy start to it! Hehe. I was just saying earlier that we have to focus on the good because what else can we do? And right here are so many good things to focus on! Congrats on all of your progress, we are doing this!

[[Re...]]

Congrats on four months of recovery