realized I should keep my mouth shut - how about you?

March 21, 2017

I'm starting to get a little better and recover some common sense after 7 months of a taper and now about 12.5 months off of long term clonazepam use.

So, what I'm trying to say, is that I need to keep my mouth shut about this benzo ordeal to "outsiders".. I've wanted to tell lots of people about the dangers of these drugs and how terrible my experience has been, but I am starting to understand that most people really don't want to hear about this shit.

I mean, I've understood that - at one level, but now I'm starting to really understand that at a deeper level. For example, I just recently told two people that I work with that "I haven't been at 100% for the year" because of medications I was prescribed that I'm no longer taking, and I didn't get a very good or compassionate response. One person looked at me weird, and said that it was "TMI" - and I really felt like a jerk.

After that, I immediately remembered something my mother used to tell me when I was growing up, and that was something like "the world is cruel enough that you don't need to give it ammunition" So, lesson re-learned, and I guess I'll go back to faking it full time.

This whole experience sometimes just gets me very pissed off and I'm so very glad that this site and community exists. If I could not vent this and other things to people like you all (who understand), I know this experience would have been much, much worse.. Thanks to all of you..

How about you all? How have your experiences been in discussing this ordeal with others?

Eric

March 21, 2017

Hi Eric,

I told three co workers. One of the co worker was very nice. This lady wasn't in my department but I consider her a friend even if I don't work in this company. She listened to me talk, probably she wouldn't agree on everything but she never minimize my experience. When I had the heart pain or even panic attacks she helped to calm me down. So when she was around and I was suffering those syptoms I feel very safe and cared for.

The other co worker seemed nice and sometimes she asked how I am doing but obviously she doesn't understand much as my other coworker. But she still nice.

The last co worker was my supervisor. She had a short temper and very pass-aggressive type of personality and maybe she also my supervisor. She told me that she was on psychiatric drugs, but I don t know if she was on benzo. I do not think so. she told me her doctor helped her got off the drugs i assured its psychiatric drubs but she said she don't have much wd like I have been. I used to talk to my supervisor the first year I worked there. But now I don't talk to her beside "hi, how are you?" or anything related to work bc she rarely talk to me much. I notice she doesn't talk o others too.

But I agree with you about keeping in to ourselves. I feel they do'nt understand. My fiance listens but he doesn't get it either.

March 21, 2017

Oh boy, have I ever learned not to talk about this - I have regretted it every single time.

I have a psychologist friend that I stupidly confided in, and her response was more absurd than anyone else's. Because she has worked with heroin and meth addicts, she thinks that benzo withdrawal is somehow easier. Yeah, right.

There's some ridiculous belief that once drugs are out of the body, the symptoms should disappear, otherwise it is somehow the fault of the person who got benzoed.

March 21, 2017

I am in agreement with everything said and my life experiences are similar....yes, thank goodness that BB exists 24/7, 365!!!!

March 22, 2017

Same here. People just do not understand. My favorite *sarcasm* is when they think they know better. "Well, that's why people go to rehab." "You know, they have drugs to help you get off that." "I took it and quit cold turkey, it's no big deal." I think what we have to remember is that they don't know and don't want to know. They have the blissful ignorance that we wish we had. So the best we can do is let them have that.

March 22, 2017

I used to be reasecher and lets say intellectual. Now I am stupid and confused but people still take me serious. When I started to say to my collages my benzzo experience I was suddenly become mental and crazy to them...So yes keep your mouth shut.

March 22, 2017

Yes. You're not crazy. We desperately need to be told we aren't imagining the symptoms. We need someone to cry with/for us and to feel our pain. To say "man alive! I can't believe you're going through that!" would feel better.

But instead we get "do you think it's good to keep taking about it it's so negative" or " you need to stop researching and just accept it." Or "I thought you were doing better yesterday, you're still feeling like that again?" Or "you just have to be positive" (which is true) but we are human too. I went through stages of complaints. While people are not wrong they have lousy timing and don't know the process of empathy. First-FEEL WHAT IM SAYING- then you can comment AFTER I FEEL HEARD.

Now I tell my husband what's going on because otherwise he has no clue. He's great however, even he struggles to wrap his head around it. I feel he doubts what I'm experiencing at times. That's why I tell him now but I don't drag it out. I just say I'm being positive but this is what I'm phsically feeling . and need your support, understanding and encouragement. I also refer him to Loved Ones Guide To Benzo Withdrawal website. Highly recommend as it has a list of WHAT NOT TO SAY and what TO SAY. It's helped us communicate better.

People just do not know what it feels like to feel what we are experiencing. The person that said TMI was a incredibly immature and insensitive at best- and that's putting it politely.

Yep BB is VERY helpful. You aren't alone in the "really lame responses" to your pain- that's for sure! They just can't imagine. Nor do they want to. Until their painful event comes, then they'll be talking your ears off. Hopefully you'll have better friends when that time comes and you can limit conversation because that's not a healthy friendship in my book.

I think it's also a sign that we need the right people in our lives. I really allowed my friendships to halt (they checked out) and am realizing I didn't have emotionally available (distant relatives/family or friends but I'm changing that now. At least I see the truth about people. I'm not bitter- I adopt the thinking that your "inner circle" can be trusted provided they are healthy and emotionally mature. The rest are only privy to superficial information. You have to gaurd your heart. If you can't find supportive friends find hobbies you like and then you'll find friends again. But this time with better give and take (boundaries and emotional availability/intelligence).

March 22, 2017

Yeah you never know how someone is going to react.

But keeping that in mind, people who frown down upon you and are rude about it,

aren't the kind of people you need in your life anyways.

I told someone causualy the other day and I had no idea how they would respond,

and they were so caring about, I'm glad I did.

If you're looking for help in the real world, it's hit or miss.

But when it's a hit, it all becomes worth it.

March 22, 2017

Agreed! I warned 2 friends that wouldn't listen and thought I was hysterical. I feel people get really angry at me if they are on Benzos and I'm telling them the hardship of getting off. Even gentle warnings don't work. They get that first taste and feel wonderful and don't want to hear it. I have a friend right now starting Klonopin knowing what I'm going through but won't listen. Maybe they need the wake up call? It's sad I know.

March 22, 2017

When it comes right down to it-most people couldnt give two good shits what other people are going thru because they are to absorbed in their own lives. Us included. Adding "drug addiction" to the scenario then they couldnt give THREE good shits to the issue at hand. Maybe this experience will encourage us to be more empathetic to other peoples problems once we have the capability to do so. Wouldnt that be an added bonus to benzo withdrawal?

March 22, 2017

Maybe this experience will encourage us to be more empathetic to other peoples problems once we have the capability to do so. Wouldnt that be an added bonus to benzo withdrawal?

Yes absolutely. I can say I would never wish this on my own worse enemy.

I know I am already a *way* nicer person.

March 22, 2017

Yup thats the sad truth.

Ive had a lot of people giving their opinions regarding withdrawal, and being told everything from: "its all in your head" "you wouldnt go through this if you werent so negative" "benzo withdrawal doesnt have that effect long term" etc.

Recently my dad told me over the phone:"you know what? Its about time you stop talking about this benzo nonsense and move on". In other words he doesnt want to hear about it anymore. The saddest part was that I visited him with my daughter a couple of days later and found out he is just starting klonopin use for his anxiety... I tried talking him out of it and he became really hostile...

I told him Ill be here if he has any adverse effects. But Im sad to know he will potentially go through the same hell I went through.

I decided not to talk about benzos to anyone other than my wife, who has seen all the extent of the damage and been hugely supportive of me through the whole process. Most people dont want to hear about it.

March 22, 2017

Yup thats the sad truth.

Ive had a lot of people giving their opinions regarding withdrawal, and being told everything from: "its all in your head" "you wouldnt go through this if you werent so negative" "benzo withdrawal doesnt have that effect long term" etc.

Recently my dad told me over the phone:"you know what? Its about time you stop talking about this benzo nonsense and move on". In other words he doesnt want to hear about it anymore. The saddest part was that I visited him with my daughter a couple of days later and found out he is just starting klonopin use for his anxiety... I tried talking him out of it and he became really hostile...

I told him Ill be here if he has any adverse effects. But Im sad to know he will potentially go through the same hell I went through.

I decided not to talk about benzos to anyone other than my wife, who has seen all the extent of the damage and been hugely supportive of me through the whole process. Most people dont want to hear about it.

Thats exactly what my dad said. Very painful. But... I am learning how to talk about it- not with him though. LOL I am also healing and realizing it's important to focus on the positive. I do think it has made me a much more caring person (going through this I mean)

March 22, 2017

I'm starting to get a little better and recover some common sense after 7 months of a taper and now about 12.5 months off of long term clonazepam use.

So, what I'm trying to say, is that I need to keep my mouth shut about this benzo ordeal to "outsiders".. I've wanted to tell lots of people about the dangers of these drugs and how terrible my experience has been, but I am starting to understand that most people really don't want to hear about this shit.

I mean, I've understood that - at one level, but now I'm starting to really understand that at a deeper level. For example, I just recently told two people that I work with that "I haven't been at 100% for the year" because of medications I was prescribed that I'm no longer taking, and I didn't get a very good or compassionate response. One person looked at me weird, and said that it was "TMI" - and I really felt like a jerk.

After that, I immediately remembered something my mother used to tell me when I was growing up, and that was something like "the world is cruel enough that you don't need to give it ammunition" So, lesson re-learned, and I guess I'll go back to faking it full time.

This whole experience sometimes just gets me very pissed off and I'm so very glad that this site and community exists. If I could not vent this and other things to people like you all (who understand), I know this experience would have been much, much worse.. Thanks to all of you..

How about you all? How have your experiences been in discussing this ordeal with others?

Eric

Hi Eric,

I think you are at the beginning of this new process, or way. At the beginning, reactions are mostly hurting and it is frustrating. So it was for me, when I was "fresh out" and wanted to inform others. But - it gets better.

I learned to make a difference. At work I would not tell anyone, because I have to seem normal and anything that is not the average is, well, not helping.

But anywhere else I do talk about the stuff. And when people tell me things like "well, but YOU are not normal, you know, for others perhaps a WD is not as bad, / others do tolerate that stuff very well / some people need medication", well then I add 2-3 comments about biochemical processes. Most are impressed then. Most stopp arguing with me. Some told me later, that they have thought about it. When someones tells me that he or she wants to try a benzo, I inform him about the signs of addiction, I don't force him not to do, but I tell him for example that paradoxical effects may occur or what benzos do with the hormonal system. Or I give advice which supplements or blood tests can be made before benzos are taken - because there are options. Sometimes its better to show alternatives and not only tell them "don't do it - its dangerous".

AND_ When I notice that I have a very stupid person in front of me, who wants to hurt me instead of listening - well, then I get a little sadistic and think "well - then go and find out!"

When I am informed, and I am well informed, I talk very very convincingly and only a few people dare to tell me I am not right:-) because I have 1001 facts about WD and chemical processes in my mind and can always ask them counter questions.

Idiots of course don't want to discuss - they just want to hurt people. But I am working very hard on getting all idiots out of my life..

But it was a learning process. I learned how I have to react and how to talk to people, and the first months I felt like a jerk or an alien, but with the time it got better. I think this will happen to you, too.

With more time, it won't hurt so much any more when people cannot understand that we were on another planet in the time we took the pills and in the time we tapered them. Thats another thing, I notice. But this will not stop me talking about it, either.

I am sorry that so many of us have to make the experience that people look at us like we were crazy - but I think when people get out of a coma or other traumatic experiences - its the same. When I talk about my chronic diseases people tend to react the same way. Like sheep - you show them an apple and they think "this is nothing I can eat - what shall I do with that?" (same stupid eyes... )

Here comes a hug! :my buddy:

Marigold

March 23, 2017

Yup thats the sad truth.

Ive had a lot of people giving their opinions regarding withdrawal, and being told everything from: "its all in your head" "you wouldnt go through this if you werent so negative" "benzo withdrawal doesnt have that effect long term" etc.

Recently my dad told me over the phone:"you know what? Its about time you stop talking about this benzo nonsense and move on". In other words he doesnt want to hear about it anymore. The saddest part was that I visited him with my daughter a couple of days later and found out he is just starting klonopin use for his anxiety... I tried talking him out of it and he became really hostile...

I told him Ill be here if he has any adverse effects. But Im sad to know he will potentially go through the same hell I went through.

I decided not to talk about benzos to anyone other than my wife, who has seen all the extent of the damage and been hugely supportive of me through the whole process. Most people dont want to hear about it.

I'm dealing with a similar situation with my mom but very far along. She has been on 6mg Klonopin for 15 years. 70 this year she is bed ridden won't leave the house unless to get her RX, but has no drivers liscense because she just was too out of it to renew it. She is morbidly obese and also on a high dose of suboxone as Florida is a pill mill state and she lies to her pain Dr. And he doesn't care....ha yet medical marijuana is such an issue... that's another story but to boot I'm to blame as I recommended the quack Dr. Who put us on mass doses. It's messed up all around. I can't believe she is alive and she often runs out early, had to go to the ER multiple times cold turkey.

Jeeze I'm not helping anyone here. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, just need to vent on others posts I guess... I'm sick and my family is f upped and it's a challenge. Not every family is like this.

March 23, 2017

I learned early on that people just don't like discussing it. I don't feel like everyone else is so self centered they ignore it. Something about it and the fact it affects us mentally makes them not like discussing it. I try to avoid talking abt it as much as I can. Family and friends might ask me about it and I avoid discussing it as much as I can. I know it is different for a lot of people going through this but that is where I'm with it.

March 24, 2017

When it comes right down to it-most people couldnt give two good shits what other people are going thru because they are to absorbed in their own lives. Us included. Adding "drug addiction" to the scenario then they couldnt give THREE good shits to the issue at hand. Maybe this experience will encourage us to be more empathetic to other peoples problems once we have the capability to do so. Wouldnt that be an added bonus to benzo withdrawal?

Man, I think you are absolutely right.. When we add "drugs" into our sad story, people really don't give a shit or have much empathy - even when we say the doctor told us to take it as a medication..

I mean, if we had (God forbid), cancer, than people would all be sympathetic.. Sad thing is, many people have posted on BB that they had some serious cancers, but benzo w/d was much, much worse! One guy even said he was a combat veteran of Viet Nam, and he'd rather go back to fighting in the jungle than deal with benzo w/d! ..i think that's some serious shit!

Eric

March 24, 2017

You're so right. If you say the word "drug" to a regular person, what's the first thing that's going to come up in their mind? Probably, heroin, cocaine, meth, LSD, etc. etc.

If you've never done any of them or if you maybe even did, but you're years removed from them, it certainly doesn't help in any way to be using the drug language, either way

Since benzos are medically legitimized, using the drug language certainly doesn't help, because you will eventually run into someone who will say something like: "Well, my uncle Frank has been taking a 1mg of Klonopin a day for the last 20 years. He's exactly following his prescription, and he is doing quite well". Never mind that uncle Frank has a ton of unexplained medical ailments that are being treated with the other meds. But, they're "different" problems, and there is no way the Klonopin may be contributing to any of that. Yeah, for sure.

i learned to bite my tongue many times. All I've ever taken were benzos and antidepressants and now Gabapentin, yet people always ask whether I have used other "drugs" or alcohol to cope with life. No, I didn't, but I find the drug stereotypes so useless. Like all the sexist drug stereotypes where "men are the ones who drink and women take valium" or whatever. Well, sometimes men take benzos and women drink, and sometimes men take prozac and women don't take anything, or women take zoloft and men take prozac......

March 24, 2017

Oh boy, have I ever learned not to talk about this - I have regretted it every single time.

I have a psychologist friend that I stupidly confided in, and her response was more absurd than anyone else's. Because she has worked with heroin and meth addicts, she thinks that benzo withdrawal is somehow easier. Yeah, right.

There's some ridiculous belief that once drugs are out of the body, the symptoms should disappear, otherwise it is somehow the fault of the person who got benzoed.

My husband actually compared the two this morning. I rather go through the heroin WD, he said its the same for long term users. No it isn't. I've never had to deal with that but as an ex smoker once I quit it was over for me. This doesn't end like that.

March 24, 2017

My husband actually compared the two this morning. I rather go through the heroin WD, he said its the same for long term users. No it isn't. I've never had to deal with that but as an ex smoker once I quit it was over for me. This doesn't end like that.

Heroin is dangerous as hell, but the dangers are very well-known, and they are not downplayed by the media, family or friends......

March 24, 2017

My husband actually compared the two this morning. I rather go through the heroin WD, he said its the same for long term users. No it isn't. I've never had to deal with that but as an ex smoker once I quit it was over for me. This doesn't end like that.

Heroin is dangerous as hell, but the dangers are very well-known, and they are not downplayed by the media, family or friends......

I can actually speak from experience here because ive been an opiate addict for decades and have done most drugs known to man and nothing comes close to kicking benzos because of how long the wd lasts. Heroin/opiates have like a 3 day acute period that definately isnt any fun but neither is having evil thoughts and hallucinations for 6 months any fun from benzo withdrawal. I would rather kick heroin 20 times in a row vs. go thru the benzo wd ive experienced. Yet-i also believe common sensically that many people on this forum dont suffer near the wd symptoms as others do because maybe they were low dose short time users. I had serious evil hallucinations filled with terror for 6 months and i know many people havent experienced that. So maybe someone like that-opiates would be more difficult to kick. All i know for 100% sure-from the dozens of times ive kicked every opiate out there-there is no comparison to the benzo wd ive experienced this past year. Its not even close hence me saying "i would rather kick heroin 20 times in a row"-So when any Drs. or whomever compares getting off benzos to all the other drugs out there they simply are showing their ignorance. On a side note-nicotine is one of the most difficult drugs to kick because its withdrawal also lasts a very long time. Im glad i found vaping. Good luck everybody.

March 24, 2017

Since benzos are medically legitimized, using the drug language certainly doesn't help, because you will eventually run into someone who will say something like: "Well, my uncle Frank has been taking a 1mg of Klonopin a day for the last 20 years. He's exactly following his prescription, and he is doing quite well". Never mind that uncle Frank has a ton of unexplained medical ailments that are being treated with the other meds. But, they're "different" problems, and there is no way the Klonopin may be contributing to any of that. Yeah, for sure.

this is a "classic" story i've heard all too many times in this adventure.. Uncle Frank is doing quite well, and he takes clonazepam as prescribed and has been doing so for many years.. I LOVE it that you mentioned this, I have heard so many of these knucklehead explanations - and the person explaining such a situation to me, always seems to look down on me for having been affected by it! and, I'm always thinking, "wow, this person is in some serious denial!"

For me, I was never "well" while I was taking clonazepam, and I was always trying to get well, but I had no idea that it would be impossible to become well, while taking clonazepam.. it's total insanity, and I for one, am going to look forward to telling every doctor I meet about this, and when they disagree, I'm going to tell them that I'm sorry, but you're completely ignorant!

March 24, 2017

I've told 10 people, my Father told 2 (urg). I wish more than half of them didn't know for all the reasons you have all have mentioned. It's really frustrating, someday one of the things I hope to take away from this experience (& of course the the prior ones that landed me on xanax in the first place) is to simply not care what people think about me! Truly what they think about me in my opinion is NONE of my business. Being a "nice maker"/"people pleaser"/"good girl" was my second biggest mistake, first is of course taking benzos!!!

March 24, 2017

Being a "nice maker"/"people pleaser"/"good girl" was my second biggest mistake, first is of course taking benzos!!!

Oh, yes. Being a people pleaser while trying to maintain my own sense of identitiy and boundaries is what started throwing me into anxiety/panic episodes long before the ativan. I was very self-aware and very aware of other people's emotions, but lacked the proper boundaries to deflect them away, and didn't really allow myself to feel some emotions I needed to feel. I see that now as one of the key reasons that got me on ativan....

March 24, 2017

Being a "nice maker"/"people pleaser"/"good girl" was my second biggest mistake, first is of course taking benzos!!!

Oh, yes. Being a people pleaser while trying to maintain my own sense of identitiy and boundaries is what started throwing me into anxiety/panic episodes long before the ativan. I was very self-aware and very aware of other people's emotions, but lacked the proper boundaries to deflect them away, and didn't really allow myself to feel some emotions I needed to feel. I see that now as one of the key reasons that got me on ativan....

Me too, I've struggled with all of the same. I still absorb other peoples emotions, but I'm working on it (well, I was before wd began, I thought my heart would literally break in detox, so much pain in one place). I was diagnosed with ptsd, panic disorder and issues of delayed grief. If I could have dealt with my pain and loss before I shut myself down so I could be strong for others I would have done myself a huge service and in the long run a service to those how love me most as well. So many lessons. Blessing to you

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