Anyone feel like withdrawal itself doing irreversible damage?

[[tw...]]

Hi, all - can someone please talk me down "off the ledge" so to speak. I have been having a lot of palpitations, breathlessness and panic today. (I'm at work. Ugh, no fun.)

 

Lots of burning in my legs, red eyes and veins in my wrists feel like they have acid in them. (this is typical, so in my head, I KNOW what this is...)

 

However, I keep thinking that all these weeks/months of being in a consistent nasty state of withdrawal (in some form) is doing permanent damage to my heart/lungs/circulatory system and that once I'm off, I'll always have high heart rate, high blood pressure, etc.

 

Is this just my withdrawal brain tricking me? I literally feel like I'm in the midst of a full blown panic/anxiety attack, while I sit here at my desk. (nothing in particular has set this off either.) Now, whenever I take my reduced dose (I reinstated after 6 weeks off back in February), I feel NOTHING. No relief, no windows, etc.

 

I'm at day 9 after my cut down from .5, so the withdrawals are probably hitting me real good right now. Holy hell, my suffering wasn't this great when I c/t'd off 2 mg back in 2014. I want to be normal again, and my ONLY thought the past few days is that I've done permanent damage and will be dead in 5 years. (I'm 48...)

 

This is crazy. Or maybe I am, I guess. 

[[bu...]]

No, withdrawing from benzos will NOT cause "irreversible harm".

 

But...staying on them can.

[[lo...]]

I have this feeling too. I came to this conclusion after noticing my baseline is way worse than it was years ago, and that I react oddly to certain things. Like exercise kills me, and I don't get pumped up for it (or anything really), and I know that's a problem. I can't drink alcohol as it doesn't really work as it's supposed to, and I have a massive paranoia rebound the following 2 days.

 

These drugs are seriously fucked.

 

But I am fully confident things will return to normal. What sucks, is that it's going to take a long time. My 2% taper is turning out to be not as easy as anticipated, and I still have .6mg to go. So it kind of fucks with me thinking about this whole process but... I guess I'll get through it and look back on it one day.

 

I understand your pain

[[be...]]

I don't think any of my withdrawal symptoms caused irreversible harm but often felt like it...but no I agree after using them for decades I had hit a wall where without immediately starting to get off them I've no doubt I'd have had irreversible harm. I'm actually so much better now after almost completing my taper than I was for many years on them. It wasn't until I began to get off them regardless of some of the dreadful symptoms I realized how sick I had actually been. So hang in there these symptoms are temporary...even when at the worst of times. I was basically forced off them and I'm extremely glad now that I was. I'd happily go through withdrawal than end up in that place ever again. Hang in there. Temporary albeit pretty difficult at times. B

[[Jo...]]

Re read Parker's Sticky

 

Many who have had strokes, heart attacks, and other disabling injuries recover nealy completely at ages far older than 48.  Being in alcoholic recovery circles I have seen many people recover completely from gastric and brain hemmorages, and severe alcohol withdrawal.  The effects from benzo withdrawal are relatively mild in comparison.  I have a close friend who ate nothing but beer and rye for an entire year at age forty six, and had to be medically detoxed, and fed in a rehab for a month.  He is fine at fifty except for normal aging things. 

[[Ph...]]

From your sig:

 

Feb13th - down to .5 again

Mar 12th - down to .375

 

You cut .125 from .500 ??  That's 25%.  Rule of thumb is 10%, or even less as you get closer to jumping.  Best not to get greedy, these drugs do not negotiate.

[[Ge...]]

In my mind, stress of this level is obviously unhealthy, but if you stay on benzos, the stress will only end up sticking around for a much longer time overall. Getting off at a reasonable pace and letting yourself heal and become less stressed overall seems to be the healthiest long-term option.

[Guest [...]]

I fear the same as you..will I have all day anxiety daily? Will the tinnitus ever heal? Heart palps, crying spells....which all leads to health anxiety! The other day I began to fear I have a brain tumor. I know it's silly, but like you I fear I am damaging myself permanently by going through daily withdrawals. I have come a long way in just under two months, tapering down to 1.125 mgs of Ativan. I am listening to what my body tells me. Sometimes I go faster, sometimes slower. Either way, ready to be done.

I feel like I am not healing at all right now!

[[ly...]]

 

 

I think that in many circumstances people are causing things to be much worse by going faster than what can be handled.  If I was having wd sxs that were bad and unrelenting I would re-examine my taper schedule and make some adjustments.

 

A taper does not have to be brutal, rough or, even, extremely uncomfortable (with a very few exceptions...).

[[Ge...]]

 

Best not to get greedy, these drugs do not negotiate.

 

Wow.. summed up perfectly!!

[[Ca...]]

 

 

I think that in many circumstances people are causing things to be much worse by going faster than what can be handled.  If I was having wd sxs that were bad and unrelenting I would re-examine my taper schedule and make some adjustments.

A taper does not have to be brutal, rough or, even, extremely uncomfortable (with a very few exceptions...).

ofcourse it takes a little practice... But thats the goal... Thats why we taper...

 

[[be...]]

Re read Parker's Sticky

 

Many who have had strokes, heart attacks, and other disabling injuries recover nealy completely at ages far older than 48.  Being in alcoholic recovery circles I have seen many people recover completely from gastric and brain hemmorages, and severe alcohol withdrawal.  The effects from benzo withdrawal are relatively mild in comparison.  I have a close friend who ate nothing but beer and rye for an entire year at age forty six, and had to be medically detoxed, and fed in a rehab for a month.  He is fine at fifty except for normal aging things.

 

Here it is:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

[[tw...]]

Thanks, everybody. I stupidly cut too fast - AGAIN - and am paying for it now. I appreciate the encouragement. It was good to back and read Parker's link. Appreciate the responses!

[[be...]]

Thanks, everybody. I stupidly cut too fast - AGAIN - and am paying for it now. I appreciate the encouragement. It was good to back and read Parker's link. Appreciate the responses!

 

Yes it's a great post and I have to go back and read it myself. If you slow it down, I think you'll feel a lot better. It may take some time to stabilize. If it were me, I would hold until I felt better. Just my 2 cents and good luck to you!

 

Betsy

[[Ca...]]

I wish you calm seas and smooth sailing...

You will find your balance, that works for you...

Good luck...

 

[Guest [Lu...]]

I feel like the stress of being out of my mind anxious, higher bp, worried, etc etc alone would take a toll. i dunno. Im trying to imagine feeling all wonderful and fine and boy it seems like a helluva fantasy. ive never been so stressed over anything like i have been over my withdrawal.

[[Ma...]]

This hell is without a doubt causing major irreversible damage. How can it not. The high bp. Weightloss. I've aged ten years in the last year . I can't recognize my body anymore from all the muscle loss. My doctor thinks this is absolutely killing me. And he's right. Benzo withdrawal alone i'm sure has killed people. Strokes from high bp. Heart failure. This is a serious medical crisis for me and I was very healthy before it began.

[[ly...]]

This hell is without a doubt causing major irreversible damage. How can it not. The high bp. Weightloss. I've aged ten years in the last year . I can't recognize my body anymore from all the muscle loss. My doctor thinks this is absolutely killing me. And he's right. Benzo withdrawal alone i'm sure has killed people. Strokes from high bp. Heart failure. This is a serious medical crisis for me and I was very healthy before it began.

 

I don't believe that I've suffered any permanent damage.  In many, many ways I am far better than I was before this taper started. 

 

I'm curious as to what your doctor has said about the affect on your health long-term.  What does he think irreversible or that has caused lasting damage?

[[Ma...]]

High bp is a killer in middle aged men. The cumulative damage from years of high stress. No sleep. Not eating well, there are dozens of symptoms that benzo withdrawal causes that are killing people or shortening their lives bigtime. It's common sense. Stress kills. Alot of us are in the middle of a medical crisis that will cause a premature death. Those who have an easy taper my avoid these problems but alot of us have a difficult taper no matter the method or pace.

[[Ca...]]

High bp is a killer in middle aged men. The cumulative damage from years of high stress. No sleep. Not eating well, there are dozens of symptoms that benzo withdrawal causes that are killing people or shortening their lives bigtime. It's common sense. Stress kills. Alot of us are in the middle of a medical crisis that will cause a premature death. Those who have an easy taper my avoid these problems but alot of us have a difficult taper no matter the method or pace.

Well, I sure feel like crap much of the time...

But permanent is a very strong word, considering the bodys capacity to heal... -even from "permanent" Damage...

For example, Post accident I was classed by a multitude of assessing Drs, specialists and Boards, as 122% TPD (Total and Permanent Dissability). On a good day, -Without Benzo WD SX I can still ride a dirt bike with the best of them... -so yeah, it took a few years to get there, but riding a Kx 500 is NOT 122% TPD...  And I feel the same goes for benzo WD, Opiate WD, -any withdrawal...

But if one tapers wrong or does a CT, It sure may feel Permanent, -for a while...

 

As for Deaths and stuff, I would want to see propper studies or records, from a credible source...

Feeding fear to scare ones self to death (or others) doesnt quite count...

But I sure do understand the feeling that this will never end... There is a benzo lies thread, recently reposted (with an additional link), on the updose support group, That might be worth a read...

Cheers...

 

Edit..  -sory, It was on the Long Hold Support Group, pg 703  Benzo Lies  re Nova/BlackJack...

-yes, i know... -I shoulda just linked it... its a fone thing...

 

[Guest [...]]

As a person that feels like it's doing permanent damage but know I may heal, it can be difficult I know! I feel like each day when I put Ativan in my mouth, I am damaging myself. I want off! But, in that being said has grown into more encouragement to TRY to do healthy things that will encourage healing. Eat more fruits, veggies, whole grains, reduce sugar and caffeine,move around at least 30 minutes a day. Do something positive for myself like paint my nails. Heck, I never had any interest in them before, but now I play video games to distract. I am a believer that at least for me, it helps. Not always. But there is a plus side to healthy eating, even when I can't.  Even stuffing down some bone broth. My anxiety level and tinnitus play with me way too much to allow it to take me out. momma ain't going down like that!  My suffering from this crap called Ativan will not be in vain, my goal is if I can save one person from going through this, then the projected year of my life on it including tapering will be worth it. But right now at this moment, it's a fight I won't allow it to win. I MAY HAVE TO FORCE, AND I MEAN FORCE MYSELF,  BUT BEING A WOMAN ALREADY WITH A LOT OF GENETIC HEALTH RISKS, I SURE AM NOT GONNA LET BENZOS DO THE JOB FOR ME....NOPE NOT GONNA!  :tickedoff:

[[Ca...]]

As a person that feels like it's doing permanent damage but know I may heal, it can be difficult I know! I feel like each day when I put Ativan in my mouth, I am damaging myself. I want off! But, in that being said has grown into more encouragement to TRY to do healthy things that will encourage healing. Eat more fruits, veggies, whole grains, reduce sugar and caffeine,move around at least 30 minutes a day. Do something positive for myself like paint my nails. Heck, I never had any interest in them before, but now I play video games to distract. I am a believer that at least for me, it helps. Not always. But there is a plus side to healthy eating, even when I can't.  Even stuffing down some bone broth. My anxiety level and tinnitus play with me way too much to allow it to take me out. momma ain't going down like that!  My suffering from this crap called Ativan will not be in vain, my goal is if I can save one person from going through this, then the projected year of my life on it including tapering will be worth it. But right now at this moment, it's a fight I won't allow it to win. I MAY HAVE TO FORCE, AND I MEAN FORCE MYSELF,  BUT BEING A WOMAN ALREADY WITH A LOT OF GENETIC HEALTH RISKS, I SURE AM NOT GONNA LET BENZOS DO THE JOB FOR ME....NOPE NOT GONNA!  :tickedoff:

Very productive thinking... nearly sounds like a cure to me...!!!

[[be...]]

I think if I believed I had what is permanent, I would not be here and probably have upped my dose. Even if there is, the best way to minimize it is to get off this poison. I think looking at the glass half full rather than half empty goes a long way. Just my 2 cents. And CF; rev up the cycle for us so we can live vicariously.

[[ly...]]

I think if I believed I had what is permanent, I would not be here and probably have upped my dose. Even if there is, the best way to minimize it is to get off this poison. I think looking at the glass half full and than half empty goes a long way. Just my 2 cents. And CF; rev up the cycle for us so we can live vicariously.

 

:thumbsup:

[[Ph...]]

 

 

I think that in many circumstances people are causing things to be much worse by going faster than what can be handled.  If I was having wd sxs that were bad and unrelenting I would re-examine my taper schedule and make some adjustments.

 

A taper does not have to be brutal, rough or, even, extremely uncomfortable (with a very few exceptions...).

<<"A taper does not have to be brutal, rough or, even, extremely uncomfortable...">>

 

I had several brutal tapering failures early on.  But yes, you are correct.  It doesn't have to be that way.  The keys are knowledge and patience.  Accept the fact that it is going to take a long time, be at peace with it.