1 year free from psycho-meds

[[Ma...]]

On the 21.th of march I am 1 Year free from all meds.

 

I have been on so many psycho-drugs that in the end I was no longer me, I was a zombie, I was so depressed I did not want to live any more and I was sure that all the meds were killing me. But I did not have any other options. I thought. With the last power inside me, I decided rather to die without meds than on them. It took me 5 years to taper them.

 

The taper years were pure hell. In the last year reading here on bb, there were only 2-3 symtoms mentioned by other members, which I did NOT have. I had so many WD symptoms.. but I dont want to look back on my documentated lists. I only know that at the beginning I was so exhausted that I had to sleep every 2 hours, I could not walk, I was bed-ridden. The worst things for me were the „crazy“ ones. Which no doctors can explain, which no other person can understand - and you really go crazy. You hear, feel, see things - no one other does.

 

Am I now healed and do I have a normal life? Nope.

WD-Symptoms left are:

-tinitus

- extremely sensitive to anything

- too exhausted to do a real job

 

The rest ist completely gone. I think 3 against 97 symptoms - thats fine for me.

 

Sadly I am not a healthy person, I do have other diseases which are torturing me - but at least..

I am me again. My brain. My humor. My feelings. My personality. My character. My love for myself.

 

So, for anyone who is still struggling, my best helpers were:

 

- in hardest times - make a list with 3 things you have to do (like a little bit homework or take a shower) AND 3 things that normally you would do for yourself (paint your fingernails, buy yourself a flower, make yourself good food) --> every day.

- don't forget that you never know how bad or good tomorrow can be. Use NOW to have one single good moment. This can be done with the hardest suffer. I swear. I have practiced that so intently that after 5 years I am able to get one good moment out of each day. That gives me control.

- hope is a decision. And you have to make that again and again.

- when you feel only a little bit better, means you can stand up out out your bed: Do things no matter what. I learned that I can go for a walk so slowly like an old lady. I wear sunglasses in houses. I left my house in conditions I would never had done before - but that brought me to "events" like going out "no matter how I felt", making friends "no matter how.." and so on - and put me back to life. Most of the time we wonder how other people will look at us, when we feel so sick - but why should we not be out there? We are suffering, we look like shit, - but the sun belongs to us, too. And 5 minutes out can make you proud. And give yourself an new input.

- The last thing: Be kind to yourself. There are enough out there who are bad to you. You deserve love. Stay by your side.

 

I never thought I would make it that far. Thanks to anyone here on bb who gave me support, information and some messages here and then!

 

Marigold

 

 

[[Ch...]]

I am happy for your wellness report...AND if Dr Jennifer Leigh is any indicator, you aren't done yet!!!!

Thank you for posting, I have been following you for quite a while!!!

[[Be...]]

Congrats Marigold. How wonderful for you! I can hardly wait to be done with my meds. You know the last three symptoms you have left are usually last to improve. Even bigger healing comes after the second and third year so you have lots to look forward to. I wish you well.

 

Becky 

[[So...]]

Wow, what an incredible story of hope, courage and love for self. Wish you continue healing and keep hoping, never lose your faith! :smitten:

“Hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is no virtue at all… As long as matters are really hopeful, hope is mere flattery or platitude; it is only when everything is hopeless that hope begins to be a strength.” ~G.K. Chesterton

[[Ma...]]

I am happy for your wellness report...AND if Dr Jennifer Leigh is any indicator, you aren't done yet!!!!

Thank you for posting, I have been following you for quite a while!!!

 

Thank you.. 

[[Ma...]]

Congrats Marigold. How wonderful for you! I can hardly wait to be done with my meds. You know the last three symptoms you have left are usually last to improve. Even bigger healing comes after the second and third year so you have lots to look forward to. I wish you well.

 

Becky 

 

thanks becky, I hope you are right! 

[[Ma...]]

Wow, what an incredible story of hope, courage and love for self. Wish you continue healing and keep hoping, never lose your faith! :smitten:

“Hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is no virtue at all… As long as matters are really hopeful, hope is mere flattery or platitude; it is only when everything is hopeless that hope begins to be a strength.” ~G.K. Chesterton

 

thank you..What a wonderful explanation of hope - I could not explain it better. Thats what I meant. People often want to give hope or to create hope but hope sounds so light, so easy - but in my eyes "hope" belongs into terms of war. Creating hope inside a person is the hardest thing to achieve - and sometimes can be given so easily when 2 people connect to each other and really care. Only fighters create hope - for themselves or for others. And if someone can make a hopeful feeling for only 1 minute in the worst situation - then these people are really my heroes.

 

All heroes on bb - keep on going!

[[Sn...]]

Congrats Marigold. How wonderful for you! I can hardly wait to be done with my meds. You know the last three symptoms you have left are usually last to improve. Even bigger healing comes after the second and third year so you have lots to look forward to. I wish you well.

 

Becky 

 

thanks becky, I hope you are right!  :smitten:GA

 

She is right. I'm almost 13 months off and I have healed much more just over the last month and a half. I could have wrote a success story similar to yours but my last two or three symptoms are still continuing to improve so much that I figured that I should wait until I'm 100 % since I can tell that I am heading in that direction. It's amazing when I just look back from week to week because my healing just continues to accelerate.

[[lo...]]

Hi Marigold

 

I am so pleased to read your one year success story.  It is incredible that you are now free from so very many symptoms.  But I am very sorry of course that you have other health problems.  But the most important thing is that you have your personality back.  I do hope that some of your other health problems will improve over time.

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

[[Ma...]]

Congrats Marigold. How wonderful for you! I can hardly wait to be done with my meds. You know the last three symptoms you have left are usually last to improve. Even bigger healing comes after the second and third year so you have lots to look forward to. I wish you well.

 

Becky 

 

thanks becky, I hope you are right!  :smitten:GA

 

She is right. I'm almost 13 months off and I have healed much more just over the last month and a half. I could have wrote a success story similar to yours but my last two or three symptoms are still continuing to improve so much that I figured that I should wait until I'm 100 % since I can tell that I am heading in that direction. It's amazing when I just look back from week to week because my healing just continues to accelerate.

 

--> what amazing news!! I am very happy for you - and it gives me hope that there will be an ongoing healing underneath all that is happening now with me. Wonderful! thanks for this information!!

 

[[Ma...]]

Hi Marigold

 

I am so pleased to read your one year success story.  It is incredible that you are now free from so very many symptoms.  But I am very sorry of course that you have other health problems.  But the most important thing is that you have your personality back.  I do hope that some of your other health problems will improve over time.

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

 

Dear Fiona,

..thank you :my buddy:

You are so right. You cannot fight against diseases when you are not yourself. Surviving the hole wd-journey gave me more power than anything else and the faith and trust into my body. I don't fight against my body anymore, its now my best friend. Thats great.

Solutions for other problems may come, or not, but any moment I am in peace with me and my body is a gift to me.

Big hug goes to you..

Marigold

 

PS: Here in my country the 21th is to come tomorrow - I don't feel well physically. But I would not be me if I would not celebrate NO MATTER WHAT! I first wanted to party with friends but this is impossible, so me and my body will leave the house no matter what and we will sit somewhere and have a tea and celebrate in silence, me and my body, in peace. Normally I would have to visit a doctor - I will cancel that. not tomorrow..

[[er...]]

Hey Marigold!

 

For what it's worth, I'm real proud of you!  Such a long, difficult journey to free ourselves from these awful "poisons" that doctors gave us.  You're so right, on so many levels in what you wrote.

 

I love the "sun belongs to us also", and your thoughts about being kind to yourself, because the world can be so rough, we don't need to make it harder on ourselves.

 

I'm very glad to hear that you're still you, and that your personality is coming back - after those years of being like a zombie.. I can really relate to what you're saying, as well as the thought, that "I'd rather die OFF of the meds, than on them.."  I've had that sentiment as well.

 

I really hope your strength and stamina begins to build and you get clear of the other health issues - as someone said, healing really progresses after the first year, and things get better and better.. I really hope that's true for us as well!

 

Sorry I've been out of touch - I'll try to be better, and thanks for the update and I'll hope great things for you!!!

 

Eric

[[Ma...]]

Hey Marigold!

 

For what it's worth, I'm real proud of you!  Such a long, difficult journey to free ourselves from these awful "poisons" that doctors gave us.  You're so right, on so many levels in what you wrote.

 

I love the "sun belongs to us also", and your thoughts about being kind to yourself, because the world can be so rough, we don't need to make it harder on ourselves.

 

I'm very glad to hear that you're still you, and that your personality is coming back - after those years of being like a zombie.. I can really relate to what you're saying, as well as the thought, that "I'd rather die OFF of the meds, than on them.."  I've had that sentiment as well.

 

I really hope your strength and stamina begins to build and you get clear of the other health issues - as someone said, healing really progresses after the first year, and things get better and better.. I really hope that's true for us as well!

 

Sorry I've been out of touch - I'll try to be better, and thanks for the update and I'll hope great things for you!!!

 

Eric

 

Thank you, Eric.. I am also proud of YOU!!

 

..sadly I was the only one today remembering how important this day was. family and friends did not mention it - although I have been talking about that date a lot in the last weeks.  :'( Today was also a very rough day physically and I was not able to celebrate at all, like I had planned it. today I felt very lonely and sad, - sadly. But I am happy a lot of buddies responded here on my success story, - because they knew how hard the road is. But after 5 years I wish someone in the real world out there had given me a hug or a flower or something. But well - another proof that we should give 100% for US, because we can be sure, we are worth it and will be happy some day for it.

So thanks to anyone who gratulated me because although I don't feel like a hero today.. in the last 5 years I have been one..

Marigold

[[lo...]]

I am sorry your family and friends did not recognise this important milestone.  And sorry you could not even have a day when you could celebrate .... and no wonder you feel sad and lonely, this is a very sad and lonely journey.  But you have been a hero, for sure.  And I hope the next year will be easier than the year just gone.

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I am sorry your family and friends did not recognise this important milestone.  And sorry you could not even have a day when you could celebrate .... and no wonder you feel sad and lonely, this is a very sad and lonely journey.  But you have been a hero, for sure.  And I hope the next year will be easier than the year just gone.

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

 

 

.. thank you ...

[[Ge...]]

What a great post Marigold!  I'm so really happy for you!  You are truly inspirational!!

[[Ni...]]

Marigold,

Great accomplishment getting off the drugs.  Best wishes for continued healing.

[[lo...]]

Happy Anniversary, Marigold. I hope today is a better day! Congratulations on a year of freedom. You are a warrior for sure! Love and continued healing  

[[Ma...]]

Today I could finally celebrate!

This morning I decided that this date cannot be so sad. It has to be celebrated NO MATTER WHAT.

 

So I put myself into a car (yap, driving in my condition is ... ahm.... interesting) , and into a big mall. There I bought myself new shoes with a real WOWWWWWW-factor , had a nice lunch there and enjoyed the time. (besides: no panic attacks in huge malls any more although my condition is very bad!!!). I could enjoy although I could hardly walk and some people stared at my swollen face (I am on cortisone), but to one man I said "buh!" and he ran away then

 

Today I could enjoy my proud and joy! And the best: I think this day has brought my strength back.

 

Thank you all for your lovely comments and wishes! Thank you really!

[[on...]]

Marigold- you are inspiring! To read how far you have come and the wonderful attitude you have is amazing. You manage to keep a sense of humor and also keep your hope alive.. Sorry your non benzo buddies did not acknowledge your  milestone- thankfully for me my wonderful husband surprised me with a bouquet of roses on the one year anniversary of when I began my taper - January 31st- and it meant the world to me.  I am glad you got out and managed to seize the day!!! Congratulations  to you ! You are a warrior!

[[pu...]]

This is my favorite success story thus far, priceless advice. *THANK YOU*

[[Ma...]]

Marigold- you are inspiring! To read how far you have come and the wonderful attitude you have is amazing. You manage to keep a sense of humor and also keep your hope alive.. Sorry your non benzo buddies did not acknowledge your  milestone- thankfully for me my wonderful husband surprised me with a bouquet of roses on the one year anniversary of when I began my taper - January 31st- and it meant the world to me.  I am glad you got out and managed to seize the day!!! Congratulations  to you ! You are a warrior!

 

... thank you.. how wonderful your husband is...

[[Ma...]]

This is my favorite success story thus far, priceless advice. *THANK YOU*

 

well thats a good thing regarding my situation at the moment:-))  thank you!

[[ne...]]

Liebe Marigold,

 

ich hab mich schon gefragt, wo du hin bist Ganz offensichtlich an den schoensten aller denkbaren Orte....auf dem Weg zurueck ins Leben.

Von ganzem Herzen wuensche ich dir, dass es stets weiter bergauf geht und dass du, nach einer so langen Zeit des Kaempfens, nun erfahren wirst, was es bedeutet, wirklich leben zu koennen.

 

Nur das Beste fuer dich und danke fuers Hoffnung machen!!!

 

Never

[[Ma...]]

Liebe Marigold,

 

ich hab mich schon gefragt, wo du hin bist Ganz offensichtlich an den schoensten aller denkbaren Orte....auf dem Weg zurueck ins Leben.

Von ganzem Herzen wuensche ich dir, dass es stets weiter bergauf geht und dass du, nach einer so langen Zeit des Kaempfens, nun erfahren wirst, was es bedeutet, wirklich leben zu koennen.

 

Nur das Beste fuer dich und danke fuers Hoffnung machen!!!

 

Never

 

Huhu,

der Weg zurück ins Leben ist nicht grad der schönste aller denkbaren Orte. Finde ich. Haha.

Aber ich sehe das etwas anders. Ich bin einfach auf meinem Weg und auf dem Weg pflück ich mir ein paar Blumen und schau, was es schönes gibt, egal ob ich Entzug mache, jetzt daraus raus bin, und wo auch immer es hinget. Wer weiß schon, wann der Weg für immer endet - also lass uns schauen, was am Wegesrand liegt, nicht?

Danke für deine Worte - lass dich auch nicht unterkriegen - dafür ist das leben zu kurz - und am Ende gewinnt man noch im Lotto oder so:-)

Drücker

Marigold