4 weeks in on c/t taper Pls HELP!

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Hi everyone,

13 years ago I was put on valium-10mgs 3x/day (30 mgs every day total) for muscle spasms & anxiety. For the last 10 years, I have also been on 12.5 mgs of Ambien nightly. I have been on them consistently & always took as prescribed. Over a month ago I switched mental health providers, unaware that my new provider has a "benzo clause" & that they immediately start tapering anyone who is on them. When they told me this I was very very mad. They also told me that to follow their taper protocol I cannot smoke medical marijuana even though I have a card & it's legally prescribed to me for Hepatitis C. It was then that I said "screw it" & decided to do a fast taper on my own. Please keep in mind at this point I knew absolutely nothing about the living horror that is benzo withdrawal. I have been through heroin & c/t methadone withdrawal & thought it couldn't be worse than c/t methadone. Oh lord was I wrong. So I tapered,myself to 20 mgs then to 15 then to 10 & tmw to 7.5. I have been dropping the amount every 2 weeks-I have to go this fast bcuz I only have so many left. 2 weeks into my taper my ambien Rx was up & I asked the new psych doc to refill it. She refused. So now I'm fast tapering off valium & was forced to c/t the ambien. Before everyone tells me to re-instate: I tried that today & they refused that also, even though I told them I had a seizure last night. The hospital won't help either-they told me to call my mental health provider & reinstate. Here are my symptoms: I cannot sleep except occasionally in 10 minute intervals. Depersonalization/derealization. Auditory & visual hallucinations. Severe stomach PAIN, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, seizure, racing heartbeat, constant panic attacks, severe depression with suicidal ideation, severe acne & herpes outbreaks, OCD through the roof, terror, negative intrusive thoughts, withdrawal-induced psychosis, headaches (more like entire brain aches), ear pain, tinnitus, tics, profuse sweating & occasional cold chills, low back pain, restlessness, palpitations, itching, aversion to light/sound, etc etc. I could go on & on. I have no friends, no family, & no other support system whatsoever. I am all alone. Please help me. What can I do? Since it's this bad already should I just jump off from 10mgs? Like I said, reinstating is not an option. I cry a lot, the rest of the time I feel emotionally flat-I can't feel anything except this endless suffering. I just want it to end. Please help asap. I have lost my faith in what God there might be; I am in the clutches of the demons now.

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Hi  Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I am so happy you found us today. I am sorry you are having it so rough with your rapid withdrawal. The best way to minimize symptoms is with a gradual taper. The recommended reduction rate is 5 to 10 percent every two weeks. I personally would continue with the taper.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms.

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

Withdrawal Support During Your Taper

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome! 

 

benzos-R-cruel