9 months

[[Tr...]]

Tomorrow I will be exactly 9 months of no xanax and paxil.  For the past week or two, I have been feeling better. I notice I smile and laugh more. I feel happier and more confidence. I'm more positive of my future and more calm.  I notice my symptoms have been lessen. However, today my heart started to hurt and I felt a missed heartbeat, I was scared and then the panic attacks came and severe dp/dr. Is this normal? It has been so good for couple weeks and then today happened gave me a bit of disappointment. Also, the feeling of disconnected to the world has been better but it's still lingering? When will the dp/dr and adrenaline surges really go away? I think 9 months is a long time to suffer, I know many others are suffering more. But does it really take that long to recover? I think I am getting better slowly but I don't know why sometimes I Feel "NOT SURE" Is the "not sure" feeling is 'normal'. I still have intrusive thoughts.

 

Tracy

[[do...]]

That's the pattern of recovery, I'm afraid. At 16 months I thought, "damn! I'll be working full-time soon!" but at 17 1/2 months I've been in an awful wave for three weeks, starting with horrible pain and then shifting to DP/DR and anxiety just recently. 

 

I'm looking forward to my next window.

[[Tr...]]

That's the pattern of recovery, I'm afraid. At 16 months I thought, "damn! I'll be working full-time soon!" but at 17 1/2 months I've been in an awful wave for three weeks, starting with horrible pain and then shifting to DP/DR and anxiety just recently. 

 

I'm looking forward to my next window.

 

Hi donnieogik,

 

Thank you. Even thought I am still feeling the wave and windows, but I notice I am a lot more calm. Recently I am better at talking to people in person and on phone and be able to follow the conversation and understand things. I was able to take care some house work paper today and yesterday where I could understand and ask intelligent questions compared to when I was on benzo. I was so nervous talking to people and could not understand or ask questions. I really like those 'windows moments' where everything seem easy to handle. I started to feel like I can do everything in life now and not afraid If i could feel like that. I don't really like my job for a while now and really want to look for a job but I think I am still early and need more time to look for a new job. Beside others things are going on now. But I can't wait to have a new job, the one I have is and has been giving me more anxiety where my supervisor really micro-manage every little things and I been put on for almost 7 years. But I know now is not a good time to do anything challenging or big deal.

 

My best part of this is that I feel a lot calmer and not nervous talking to people in person/or on phone and more confident. The hard part was when I'm in a wave where I still suffer chest pain and dp/dr and adrenaline surges and intrusive thought.