My job is killing me.

[[Da...]]

Hi fellow Buddies,

 

I am still at my work, but can't take it anymore, would like to cry.

The job is asking so much from me and got so little understanding for my situation from my manager.

 

Some information:

I work for a temporary employment agency (so I am deployed by a company for between 1 month to years).

 

Since I started my taper of Valium I am at the same company and all went well.

All went pretty great, I was relaxed at this company, was working out and learning new skills.

 

Since the beginning of this month the amount of work is decreasing and I heard that I can no longer stay at this company.

3 colleagues can stay, because they cost this company less money than I cost (my title is a bit higher).

 

They are trying to find another company to go to.

 

Since i'm aware of this, the pressure I have is increasing a lot.

Everyday I'm seating and my hearth is pumping in my chest like crazy.

 

2 weeks ago I had to go to a job interview at a new company.

The whole week I was scared to death to go.

Told this to my manager, but he couldn't do anything.

He said that I just have to go.

 

At the end I went there with the help of a rescue dose of Xanax ( I know it sounds bad, but I was shaking like a straw and was really nauseous.

After I toke the Xanax (0.5mg), I managed the interview, but gave me a bit of a setback.

 

2 days later my manager called that they had chosen another employee of my Company.

 

So here I am.

Another job interview next Friday.

Am really really stressed all week, because I was expecting another job interview, but had no idea when.

On top of that, I need to go to another department at the Company I am now tomorrow for one day.

They need me more than the department were I'm now.

 

I had a bit of miscommunication with my manager, he said that I had to go there today.

Blamed it all on me.

I had a rage in me wherein I almost attacked him literally.

 

Still shaking like a madman and angry, sad and anxious.

I love my job at the company I am now, but can't stay here.

 

I feel I have no other option than going to my doctor.

Don't want to take another Xanax, but also don't know what to do :'(

 

Thinking about drinking tonight after been of drink for half a year now.

 

Please can someone give me some advise.

Really don't know what to do. :'(

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Take a deep breath and know you'll get through this. So sorry to hear about this stress. Try to be optimistic and hopeful that things will work out. Take some time to not worry so you can give your body a break from the anxiety.

[[Da...]]

I believe the thing about it is you have to take it day by day little by little. And I know that is so much easier said that done. It sounds like you are in a stressful situation wondering if you will be starting a new job or if it will take awhile. Try to lay back and do it as easy as you can until you get over this hump. I'm hoping you will find something new that works as well as this does for you.

[[re...]]

Being let go is a stressful situation in the best of times.  It's obvious that you are good at what you do (higher title and pay) and my advice is that you should remember that when you go in for interviews and look for work.  The benzos and wd play tricks on our self esteem.  I am finding that most of it isn't real.

[[be...]]

i think once you settle in at a new assignment you will feel better. Right now you have a lot of the unknown and that is difficult for anyone let alone someone who is going through withdrawal.

[[Da...]]

Thank you all buddies for the kind replies. Really appreciate it 😊!

 

I am struggeling a lot with my thoughts on how to act.

My recovery went so well before the job interviews I need to take.

 

My manager even advised my to take a pill as it helps.

So basically not taking my hell year I andured while tapering to this point i'm now really seriously.

 

I have decided to go to my local doctor and call sick tomorrow.

 

I don't want a negative affect from my job on my health.

 

I hope the doctor can advise me something or help me out.

I know that I need to do a lot myself and am aware that a job at a temporary employer company is not really the ideal situation right now.

 

I Will look on a full time job wich is a bit less demanding. Ideally a job in wich I can settle and don't have to go to customers. It's not that I don't want to work, but it has to be managable.

Well we will see what the doctor advise.

 

Sorry for the late really, had a good talk with a friend. Appreciate all the help 😊! 

[[Da...]]

Just back from the doctor.

 

He said literally: All will be ok you managed to stop the valium and you look pretty normal to me.

Just take a rescue pill. It's ok.

 

I said: but what if it is a slippery road in wich i need it more often?

 

Doc: you are in controle.

 

So the advise is to just take some rescue pills.

 

I am so very tired.

[[Tr...]]

I took a rescue pill about 6 months ago and didn't like it at all. I didn't suffer any side effects, really. I'd just come to a point where I'd worked on managing my mind and the Klonopin made me feel like I had given up control to that substance. It felt like my mind was caught in a spider web of numbness and haze that I couldn't get out of. I had a difficult time doing the usual coping skills I'd developed and felt like I was just covering things up. I threw out the rest of my pills the next day.

[[Bh...]]

My job is incredibly stressful as well. I'm just doing the bare minimum at the moment until I'm a healed. I have realized my health is way more important over any job. I went on Xanax when I lost my current job 3 years ago. All for nothing too...I got re-hired two months later. No job is ever really worth it. You will be able to get another job if you need to. Maybe you even need a little time off to destress too. Listen to your mind and body first. This is one valuable lesson that I"ve learned through this process.

 

Life is too short. Try your best to enjoy it and not sweat the small/big stuff! Hang in there 

[[Da...]]

Thanks for the feedback!

 

I really really like to get some rest.

 

I don't really like my job anymore at all.

 

Not allowed to take a holiday right now, because they want me for another company.

I work in the IT and there is a lot of work in there right now.

 

I hoped the doctor would advised me to take it slow. Just a week or 2 off, but just advised me to take a rescue pill and go for it.

 

Wish I could just power off my phone. Get some rest.

Only choice I have been given is going to the interview tomorrow.

Guess I just go with help from a resque pill and try to find a different job at another company when I am a bit more calm in my head.

 

Again all my thanks for all tour great advise and kind words. Appreciate it a lot. Take care fellow Buddies!