Help!!42 days off and just took 1mg K

[[Ir...]]

I need some guidance here.  Can someone help me figure out what I should do? 

 

I had 42 days off Klonopin and I broke.  I just didn't want to feel the DP/DR anymore. Or the anxiety, and sweating, or the dizzy feeling.  I just said 'Screw it' and took a 1mg klonopin. 

 

And within about an hour or so I felt 'normal' again for the first time since Jan.2. I just don't know if I can give up 6/12/18/24 months of my life to this.  I really want to, but I'm also taking 6 other prescriptions just to get off one.  And what if after 12 months I still have the same exact symptoms?  And what if I just need klonopin to be normal?  My brain could be wired with extreme anxiety.  How is it different than taking an antidepressant? 

 

I'm also wondering if taking that one dose starts the entire healing process over as if from day one? 

 

I am seriously thinking about going back on.  But I also want to fight. 

 

Please help. How do I get through this and how do I know the symptoms leave? 

[[Wa...]]

hey there, don't beat yourself up. you have been on high does of benzos for many years, did you taper slowly? that is part of the secret to less withdrawals

[[Da...]]

Taking one dose will not set you back to starting WD all over again. It happens, definitely don't beat yourself up over it. The WD process is an incredibly difficult process. I am at 14 months and it has been a long hard road for me. I did a CT withdrawal which I know is not recommended. I never believed this far out I would still have problems but I cannot change it. Take it easy, it is super tough. One thing to think about is I was on Xanax for 15 years and it burned my brain up. They say it will get better I'm waiting to see. So every pill you take is contributing to that, so there are really solid reasons to get off them now before more damage gets done.

[[Ir...]]

Thanks for the words of support.  This battle has been the most insane, and difficult thing I have ever tried to do.  I know you understand. It is so tempting to just end the pain and suffering by reinstating.  I don't want to do that. I really want to be off this drug but is it really worth it if it costs me a year of my life or more?  I just don't know what it feels like to be normal again and the fear is that I will always feel this bad.  Or that I will always be so anxious in any social setting that I am going to sweat through my clothes and be totally embarrassed. 

 

I'm willing to do anything. To get through this and see what life is like without benzos but man, this really is the most difficult journey. 

 

Thank you for your replies.  I will keep pushing through.