Please help, is this what 'Re-Kindling' is?

[[Vi...]]

Please help asap, something is wrong……

 

(Am I posting this in the correct place?)

 

Please see my history below.  Been doing okay, then last friday  night (2-11-17) I forgot my dose (i never do that) I felt great slept great and had the most wonderful dreams! So I wanted to just take it once a day instead of twice, But I know it could be a problem, so back to two doses a day. I did cut .5ml more than previous the next dose morning, (Saturday noon/yesterday,) had an okay day, a bit more stoned than unusual, and took the same amount last night. 

 

I could not sleep, and having the tingling creepy feeling in my limbs, and trouble with muscle control that I have not had much since I transitioned too fast (overnight) from Lorazepam to Diazepam last September. So I thought maybe I cut too much/too fast: I got up and took half of the extra that I pulled. Two hours later, I’m only getting worse. Scared to make any changes. Which way to go? Or just ride this out?

 

What did I do wrong? These are all my guesses, in order of what i think most likely:

 

Most likely: Was it the skipped dose friday, and then back on two doses per day saturday, catching up to me now? That would be best option, and just ride it out and be more careful to never miss a dose, and I don’t have to make my poison again….

 

Was it because i am using italian mineral water for liquid micro taper, and I changed brands last night when I made my poison? Would the mineral water brand change make any difference? Maybe need toss the poison and make the whole damn four daze doses over again in plain water? It takes me over an hour when i am in GOOD shape,…. my next dose is due at noon… it;s 8:30 am in Hawaii now….

 

Or just maybe, though unlikely, the thin film of bentonite clay on the glass that I drank pure water from to wash down my dose last night? (It was VERY little bentonite, which I use to detox often, as it binds to ingredients and does not allow them to pass through to the bloodstream. I take it when I have eaten something that I might be allergic too (causing me to need Benadryl, which causes terrible symptoms on top of the Diazepam, so I need to avoid at all costs). All the directions say NOT to use bentonite with in an hour and a half of taking any medications. I used it once to avoid the assimilation of a dose I took that was a mistake, i.e. too much, i drank it before I withdrew the amount to be discarded, due to poor cognition and severe short term memory issues.) this seems far less likely than the above,.

 

Okay, its not getting any worse, as I write this, it seems to help me figure this out. I’m not sure if I assimilated too much or too little, so I don’t know what to do. But It FEELS more like too much, so maybe I am taking a hit 36 hours later after skipping a dose and going back up to two doses per 24 hours. That would mean I should just change nothing and ride it out.  I am not totally functional, I could not drive safely (I could yesterday), but I don’t have to drive anywhere today. I really need to work today, but it’s just 2 violin students, that I teach at home, I can fake it with them. Gotta clean up the house…. I hope I have enough muscle control to play my violin by 2pm. I take my next dose at noon…

 

Please tell me your best guesses and what i should do? after all this worrying and rumination about my change in symptoms for the last few hours, I remember that i did expect this, when I realized i had skipped a dose. i Should have taken it as soon as I realized it, instead of waiting til my next scheduled dose, it just felt SO GOOD!…  I won’t do that again. … So I think I just got a hit from missing a dose and going back up. That makes the most sense. Is this called re-kindling???

I think that I will just ride this out and be much more careful. 

unless anyone thinks other wise?

 

Damn, I am so tired of this. It goes sort of okay, and then i mess up something, cos my cognition and memory are terrible….

 

I could use some reassurance please. And some sleep!!

 

Thank you for this wonderful support group!

 

My benzo history:

(i never used anything else, not even alcohol, mj only 4 times in my youth)

Lorazepam since April 2011 5.5 years:

Dose was .75 mg daytime &1mg nighttime

I am a 62 yr old underweight petite female,

hypothyroid, taking thyroid,

with mild, resolved CFIDS and severe food  & airborne allergies

 

First (and only, i Hope!) taper:

 

Lorazepam since April 2011 5.5 years:

Dose was .75 mg daytime &1mg nighttime

Began taper:

8-20-2016 dry cut to .75 2x day

9-12-2016 dry cut to .5 mg daytime, then forgot my night dose!

Cold turkey symptoms 10 hours later, took.5 mg 2X day

 

9-27-16 doc transitioned me to 5mg Diazepam overnight.

Could not move in am! Severe dizzy & cognitive

9-28-16 dry cut by 1/4 next day & night

9-29 dry cut to 2.5 mg Diazepam day & night

wait for stable (HAH?!!?) for two weeks.

 

Oct 11th 2016 dry cut by a sliver

October 30th cut to 2 mg daytime & 2.5 at night

Then dry cuts by 25% or 50% aprox every 2-3 weeks.

November December January were rough! Too fast!

January 28, 2017 dry cut down to Diazepam .25mg day & night

 

February 12th 2017:

Now liquid titration micro taper:

I make 8 doses of .25 mg Diazepam from a 2mg pill in mineral water,

I take it  every 12 hours day & night for four daze,

minus .2-.5 mil less every 5th day, for the next four daze,

i.e. the next time I make it from one pill.

Is this okay?

WHEN CAN I JUMP OFF SAFELY??

[[bu...]]

Please help asap, something is wrong……

 

 

 

What did I do wrong? These are all my guesses, in order of what i think most likely:

 

Most likely: Was it the skipped dose friday, and then back on two doses per day saturday, catching up to me now? That would be best option, and just ride it out and be more careful to never miss a dose, and I don’t have to make my poison again….

 

a skipped dose will almost always cause an uptick in sxs.  Never skip a dose.

 

Was it because i am using italian mineral water for liquid micro taper, and I changed brands last night when I made my poison? Would the mineral water brand change make any difference? 

No matter what kind of water you use, diazepam is NOT water-soluble.  Trying to water taper caused me big problems.

 

Or just maybe, though unlikely, the thin film of bentonite clay on the glass that I drank pure water from to wash down my dose last night? (It was VERY little bentonite,

No, that didn't have anything to do with your sxs.

[[no...]]

I missed an entire day of doses once ( I was slightly psycotic all day, and I didnt wanna take my klonopin ) and then the SXS's were horrid for 24-36 hours after I missed an entire day. Don't skip doses, try to space them out evenly & I always recommend food before/after taking pills even if its a small granola bar ( for me alteast.)