17 weeks off and I just don't understand? Major head pressure and acute normal?

[[Ma...]]

Ok I'm over a week into the small cut I made on the Zoloft and I really don't understand where I'm at or why their has been no improvement in my main symptoms mainly with the benzo WD symptoms and I'm losing hope!

 

I just don't understand I'm 17 weeks off Xanax and still having severe acute symptoms and I thought acute would only last 2-4 months and I'm over that and I just don't understand?

 

The head pressure and numbness and physical pain is still so bad I can't hardly function at all and I've even tried to walk a few times and the pressure is still so bad I can't even hardly make to the end of the driveway!

 

I still have all the psych symptoms confusion, DP/DR, intrusive thoughts it's all still very bad but the head pressure is the absolute worst symptom I have and keeps me from being able to do the other things I need to do like exercise quitting smoking and everything else it's all just taking such a toll on my my mind and body!

 

All that I've been through since last May with these drugs has done so much damage to my mind and my body! I have grey hairs now in my beard and I've lost more hair on my head my lips are stained because the only break I get from the misery is going outside to smoke and I can't work or take care of myself or my kids and it's miserable!

 

I'm 36 years old and I feel like my life is over!

[[er...]]

Hey Man, I feel your pain.. It seems the cold, hard facts with benzo w/d, is that 17 weeks off is just not much time yet.. We just don't heal very quickly, as with other ailments we've had.  It looks like you did a cold turkey as well, so you'll probably be messed up for a while.

 

I think you need to work on acceptance of the situation, and that is you've (like the rest of us) suffered a pretty bad brain injury, and it's going to be messy and take a while to recover.

 

Sure man, what you're talking about all sounds normal, if I compare it to my experience.. My head pressure was terrible 9 months after I started tapering.  If yours lets up in a few months, you'll be ahead of the game. 

 

If I were you, I'd give up the smoking asap, that's definitely bringing in more toxins to your body and you need them like a hole in the head.  Quitting smoking is tiddlywinks compared to quitting benzos!  Try to do little things to take care of your body.  Stretch, Take care of your teeth, Wash, etc.. Maybe you could take little walks around your neighborhood?

 

The way I see it, we've been utterly destroyed by being on and getting off of benzos, and now, our job is to participate in our own recovery.  We've got to start somewhere, and baby steps (although incredibly difficult) must be made at some point to get the momentum going in the right direction.

 

Just relax and accept this shit.  Fighting it just makes it worse, and expecting changes to happen day to day or week to week just lead me to frustration, until I learned to accept what was really going on with my brain and body.

 

You'll be okay, just grit your teeth and hang tough.  Sometimes comedians or funny movies on Netflix helped me when I didn't know how to get through the hours..

 

Eric

[[Da...]]

I agree with a lot of what Eric is saying. I totally feel bad for you and I know what you are going through and it totally sucks. I've been there so nobody knows better than I do. You kind of have to adopt this attitude like yesterday was really shitty but I got through it alive, so today is shitty but I can get through it alive too. I don't necessarily agree that you should try to quit smoking now unless you really want too. I was actually too sick to smoke for like the first 90 days so I believed I had quit smoking. But then I starting to think about cigarettes and I would be around people smoking and it started smelling good. So one day I decided I would have one cigarette and now I'm back up to close to a pack a day. It stinks and it sucks but it is something I'm not going to beat myself up over and I'm not going to try to quit that now. Cut yourself some slack until you start to improve.

[[Ma...]]

It's just so hard the suffering and pain never ends and I've been through so much already since last May and I've literally lost everything over the last year and it's just taking such a toll on my mind and body sometimes I think I'll never get better or want survive this much longer.

 

As far as the smoking I need to quit but I just don't know if I can tackle that monster right now with all other going on and it's so destructive the damage it's doing to my face and lips and my body but I already can't work and I can't work out or go to the gym I mean I don't really ever get to leave the house it's just constant torture and misery 24/7 and quitting smoking would be hard enough healthy but in this position almost impossible! All the things they say to do to help you quit like go to the gym working out and just being able to hold down a job to take up the time I can't do so I would lose my mind trying to quit while being stuck in my house 24/7 in this state!

 

It's just so hard to understand how after 17 weeks no improvement not even a sign of healing and it's hard not to lose hope!

 

My kids are suffering so bad to they have seen me go through all of this and I can't even hardly take care of myself much less them and it's gotten so bad my sister takes them during the week and they have gotten to the point that's where they would rather be and it breaks my heart!

 

I feel as if my life will never be the same and their is no coming out of all this!

[[Ma...]]

I literally feel like I'm going over the edge and I'm having a complete breakdown! Between all the pressure and pain in my head and the emotional symptoms I literally just was setting on the couch crying and jumped up and just started screaming and hitting myself in the head and just am having a worse day than normal went to the mirror just crying begging Fod to help me and can't even recognize myself in the mirror!

 

This is crazy after 17 weeks to still be this bad it's scaring me!

[[St...]]

I completely understand what you're going through. I'm close to four months out and it feels like there's no end in sight. New symptoms are showing up all the time. Just last week I started getting nerve pain and numbness in my left arm and now I'm starting to get sinus pressure and headaches, along with all the other persisting symptoms I've had since I started tapering. It can be really scary, especially when there's no easy explanation for the symptoms you're feeling. When fear or frustration creeps in, it becomes really difficult to grin and bear it.

 

You'll get through this, we both will. You're 17 weeks out, every day is one step closer to full recovery. It won't be easy, but hey, we've made it this far, right?

[[Ma...]]

It's just really hard to hold on, and your right when you suffer and grin and bear it for months and months and not even one signs of improvement sometimes getting worse and new symptoms as you say it's crazy and it's very discouraging to say the least!

 

I just never knew that prescription drugs like this that were saposed to help you can cause so much destruction and suffering and all they have done is destroyed my life and I know now I would have been better off staying off all drugs in may after I got overwhelmed with my divorce and all that was going on but it's too late for that now and I'm having a really hard time keeping going with all the damage to my brain and my body and my life it's just really hard and I wander if I'll ever be the same?

 

 

[[Wi...]]

Maize

How long were you actually on benzos-what dose and type? You still arent getting ANY relief? It will soon be spring in Mi so hopefully that helps a bit. Im curious if u r experiencing this from benzos or from AD's-i cant quite understand your benzo doses and for how long. Im very curious in your case because you seem to be having an unusual difficult time.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah I don't understand why my symptoms are still so severe and why I haven't not even one once of improvement after 17 weeks off the benzos?

 

As fas as Xanax I was on them from May of last year until October when I went in to the hospital so between 5-6 months and I never exceeded 1.25-1.5mg on a daily basis and was able to taper down to .75mg a day on my own before going into the hospital because the symptoms were so severe especially the intrusive thoughts and head pressure and physical pain in my head!

 

The only other time I took benzo was for a few weeks back in 2012 and the a few weeks back in 2013 when I first started having panic attacks and when I started Zoloft and then switching over to Prozac in 2013 but the main exposure was from May of 2016 to October of 2016 so it's not like I was on them for years at extremely high doses 6 months was all it took to destroy my life!

 

As far as the AD history that hasn't helped me either was on Zoloft at 100mg for a year and a 1/2 starting in 2012 then switched over to Prozac in 2013 after the Zoloft stopped working and was on Prozac from the fall of 2013 to the fall of 2015 so 2 years at 40mg of that the. I got off it and was ok until the spring of 2016 when I was going through a divorce and multiple other issues in my life and my symptoms came back on top of what I believe now was the Prozac WD finally catching up to me with its long half life and in April ended up in the hospital after a few panic attacks and that's when this whole nightmare really started and haven't been the same since!

 

The ER gave me 16 .5mg tablets of Xanax to get me through till I could get back in to try and get regulated on meds again and it's been down hill from there! First tries to reinstate Prozac but after 9 days started having horrible SU/HO thoughts and it scares me so I went back in and my doctor switched me over to lexapro which was a bad idea! Was only on it for 6 1/2 weeks half the time at 10mg the other at 5mg but could not tolerate the drug and was taking off it and has horrible WD for about 5-6 weeks from that and after that night mare I was scared to try anything else and unfortunately stayed on the Xanax during this period.

 

By the time I got through the nightmare that was lexapro I had already been on Xanax for 3 months and shortly after I started to realize I was getting some major symptoms from that and it wasn't working anymore and that's when I found this site and starting getting more information what what was happening to me but it was to late the damage was already done and I tried to start tapering form their but it just got so bad it lead me to the hospital where I was CT off .75mg and then but back on Zoloft on was put on at that time .5mg of resperdal which all was a horrible mistake!

 

I got off the resperdal as soon as I could after about 4 weeks and the last two weeks I cut the .5mg in half to .25mg or the lowest prescription dose and was told that the Zoloft would help the underlying issues and that's when I went up to 100mg of that which is what I was on before but I think all it's done is just make it worse cause more damage to my brain and yet another drug I have to try and get off of and heal from and it's all too much!

 

I have learned way more about these drugs than I ever wanted to know like poly drugging kindling and what these drugs can really do to people and how they destroy more lives than they help and it's all happening to me too! I believe the kindling aspect hasn't helped me with the benzos or the AD and being exposed to 3 different AD over a four year period hasn't helped either and honestly I don't know if I'll ever be the same and am losing hope more and more everyday!

 

With the benzo WD especially the acute symptoms such as the severe pressure and physical symptoms in my head I just don't understand how after 17 weeks it's still so severe no improvement and no end in sight and it's so discouraging to say the least!

 

As far as the AD I'm in my 2nd week of slowly reducing the dose of that now down to 87.5 or as close as I can get to it and I really don't know if it's helping me or making it worse! Just feel like I'm in this never ending loop of torture and torment that I want survive or be able to escape from and my life as I knew is over and I'll never see the light of day again!

[[Oo...]]

I also thought this hell would be over after some months...i al afraid 17 weeks is just peanuts...I am more than 21 months of and still living in hell. My life completely ruined by a so called innocent "baby dose' of klonopil....looks like a battle impossible to win !!!

[[Wi...]]

Maize

How were you BEFORE you started the benzos? Also-it sounds like you may have gotten off to quickly. Ur still only 2.5 minths in. I suspect from your low dose and relatively short time you really should get relief in a month or so. Ur in the thick of it now. Hang tough!

[[Ma...]]

Mainly anxiety and panic attacks before may when I tried to reinstate AD and got on benzos. But I was detoxed October 20th of 2016 so I'm so I'm 17 weeks off or 4 months of your looking at the the calendar and not weeks but either way past the 2.5 month mark! I was told to expect acute symptoms 2-4 months and here I am and no relief

[[Wi...]]

It was five months before i had noticeable relief but i was on a npmuch higher dose then you were for a much longer time so i figure you may be better in a minth-ish. Hang Mi tough maize!

[[Ma...]]

Yeah that's the thing people who were on this stuff longer and at higher doses see improvement and get atleast a little better by 4-6 months but I'm over and no sign of improvement if not worse I just don't understand?

[[Wi...]]

I really didnt get much relief until 7 months out and by relief i dont mean it was over. Fear and terror have been my worst symptom and that had subsided greatly yet the symptoms that do remain really really blow!

[[Ma...]]

Yeah I have fear, anxiety although I've dealt with that all my life with panic attacks starting in my early 30's which is why I started meds to begin with but for my the pressure numbness and physical pain in my head and the intrusive thoughts have been the most severe and lately insomnia and fatigue has hit me pretty hard as well but the most dibilatating is the head pressure for sure!

[[Da...]]

Right now you are going to have to accept this is the way it is and then move on. You obviously feel like shit today, I'm sure you will feel like that tomorrow and probably the next day. Believing you will never get better or you are worse off than others is part of it. That is the intrusive thoughts. Nobody can tell you that you should be well by now because  nobody knows. We are all different we have different symptoms and we recover on different schedules. It is the craziest thing in the world and I still feel like I'm going crazy everyday. You have made it to 17 weeks which means you can make it the rest of the way too. Hang tough and one day you will feel better.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah the last few days have been really bad! Crying spells having a complete breakdown, the pain and pressure in my head I just don't understand it's miserable and the intrusive thoughts have come back strong over the last few days! I can't hardly stand up and and all I can do is lay her in my bed crying in constant agony and pain and I'm losing hope more and more everyday!

[[Da...]]

I think one of the worst parts of it is the feelings of hopelessness. I still feel that way at 14 months. My mind is always trying to tell me that I'm different, that someone else is wrong with me, that I have some grave mental illness and I will never be any better. It is a constant thought that I try to use my rational mind to suppress it but eventually you have to rest your mind and bam there it comes again. Our minds are literally playing tricks on us. I know one day we will be better again so it is just wait it out.

[[Ra...]]

I'm Around the same time off as you are. I'm still feeling really bad. Extremely anxious, nervousness, agitation, agoraphobia, myoclonus, etc.

 

I think I read in a post a long time ago that 4-6 months without seeing much change is pretty normal.  I don't know. It's just really awful.

 

I'm waiting for Spring and hoping some nicer weather will help.

 

I've kind of gotten used to not expecting anything to change until it does. I'm tired of getting m hopes up.

 

Keep going.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah I'm trying to hold on but it's constant misery and suffering 24/7 with no end in sight and no quality of life at all! I find myself out on the back porch laying in my bed trying to remember what it was like to be healthy enough to work, go to the gym, to church, have hope, or even just go to the grocery store or to a movie and be normal and happy but I can't remember what it was like to be able to do those things I've been in this torture so long I don't even remember what it felt like to laugh or go to bed thinking of all the good and happy things I would or could do the next day and it's absolutely miserable!

 

I don't really know where I'm at with all of this I'm almost 18 weeks out now and I've been back on Zoloft since a week out of the hospital and I know I'm still in acute WD from my CT in October and I'm on week two of gradually coming down on Zoloft now at 87.5mg and all I can say is the head pressure and physical pain is never ending and maybe even worse and the intense intrusive thoughts are coming back again and I just don't know what to do?

 

I lay here in my bed with no hope no light at the end of the tunnel can't see the Forrest for the trees and just wishing for health and those things most people take for granted more and more everyday but not knowing if I'll ever see the sun come up again or not

[[Wi...]]

You will see the light again maize. Everybody does. It just doesnt feel that way because it lasts so long but remember you will heal and this isnt permanent.