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Existential-ish


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So, anyone feeling like this journey is a trip through 'Philosophy 101: Existentialism'?  I feel like this whole WD has put me face to face with my own mortality at times, like the easy flow of life that I enjoyed was suddenly halted and I am now trapped in an endless cycle, a dark version of Groundhog Day, if you will. 
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It seems like I've thought about death in one form or another every day since I jumped off this poison.

 

For me, it's made me question a lot of things on a very visceral and stripped down level.  Like bone scraping stuff.  I imagine its from removing a drug that dampened my view of the world, took the edge off on a continual basis.

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Absolutely. I feel that same. My brain goes to some dark/weird places.

 

On the whole, I feel like I've been stripped down to my bones and I'm rebuilding physically, mentally, my personality, everything.

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Yes. Terrible intrusive/obsessive thinking about existential things. It is wd. Do not worry, these crazy thinking decreases a lot with time.

:)

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For me, not mainly mental pain, not mainly injury pain, but a

more or less constant pain in my brain with severe dysfunction,

every waking moment for over 3 years.

 

I am surprised and proud that I have not taken my life.

Somehow that is less likely as time has passed.

Maybe something has "improved" that I can't identify in real terms,

or maybe there is some pain tolerance mechanism here.

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Absolutely. I feel that same. My brain goes to some dark/weird places.

 

On the whole, I feel like I've been stripped down to my bones and I'm rebuilding physically, mentally, my personality, everything.

 

Exactly.  Not to be overly dramatic, but I've had this image of being a child almost, scared, stripped down, and alone on some windswept plains. 

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Yes. Terrible intrusive/obsessive thinking about existential things. It is wd. Do not worry, these crazy thinking decreases a lot with time.

:)

 

Thanks.  Yes, I have noticed they are less intrusive, but they still come on..and when they come on, whew.

 

I like your description of healing in your tag.  Realism at month 13. :)

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For me, not mainly mental pain, not mainly injury pain, but a

more or less constant pain in my brain with severe dysfunction,

every waking moment for over 3 years.

 

I am surprised and proud that I have not taken my life.

Somehow that is less likely as time has passed.

Maybe something has "improved" that I can't identify in real terms,

or maybe there is some pain tolerance mechanism here.

 

I think its a gradual improvement.  Somewhat imperceptible, but still noticeable.

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For a year I was thinking death every day and now it's getting milder. It does go away slowly.

But everything does feel meaningless to me. Things that used to move me or inspire me . . . gone.

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For a year I was thinking death every day and now it's getting milder. It does go away slowly.

But everything does feel meaningless to me. Things that used to move me or inspire me . . . gone.

 

Yes, the inspiration is gone with me, as well.  Also, the wonder of new things.

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Yes, I have to think and re-think all of my decisions and thoughts that come to mind to make sure I am doing and saying the right thing.

My brain is so full of fog and dark thoughts. I continually think of the consequences and affect my actions will cause. It is hard to trust my own brain.

This is something that used to be fluid and automatic.

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Yes, I have to think and re-think all of my decisions and thoughts that come to mind to make sure I am doing and saying the right thing.

My brain is so full of fog and dark thoughts. I continually think of the consequences and affect my actions will cause. It is hard to trust my own brain.

This is something that used to be fluid and automatic.

 

Agreed.  I find myself rethinking everything I do or say. Fluid thinking is definitely missed.

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