anxiety/apathy/depression, and difficulty conversing around others

[[sa...]]

Hi everyone!

 

I have currently tapered from 30 to 25 mg of diazepam starting around December. While the insomnia can get annoying, it seems to come and go, and it hasn't been as much of a problem as it used to be. The gastrointestinal issues and the rls in the mornings is still quite bothersome, but after my morning dose, things usually clear up. However, perhaps this is more psychological, but whenever I walk around and leave my room (takes me a while to get out of bed in the mornings), I feel unease, I feel out of body (a feeling akin to the dissociation that one feels on a psychedelic). I've grappled with DP/DR for the past 3 years so it's not too bothersome. But this feeling is accompanied by a brain fog, and i've been having a really difficult time socializing with friends. Sometimes i'll just sit on the couch like a space cadet and not say much of anything for a while because my mind draws a blank, the people around me seem 'mechanical,' and keeping a flowing conversation going is much like a chore. I also have an urge to drink. I've been pretty good when it comes to alcohol, as I realize it acts on GABA and will only hinder my process. However, there are occasional nights when I find myself drinking (socially) simply to feel confident enough to converse around others. The day after I drink, the amount of rebound anxiety and apathy/depression I feel is certainly magnified . I don't want to trade one habit for another, I didn't even like alcohol before I began taking benzos. Would a beta blocker be helpful? My doctor considered an anti-depressant but I refused after hearing many bad things. I feel like I literally need speech therapy. Looking people in the eyes is also very intense, and I can almost sense that they are aware of my psychological unease because of my body language, stiffness, and lack of eloquence. I've been trying to not drink as much as possible during the week, and if I do, I limit myself to 2 beers or 1 glass of wine max during the weekdays, then I don't even notice any rebound anxiety the next day (although I could be deluding myself). Anyway, I was, in sum, wondering how to deal with this inability to socialize. I don't know how to transition from one topic to the next in conversation currently, and sometimes my dialogue will sound stilted and weird. As I type this, I feel very dreamy and somewhat out of reality. I've read that this is a fairly common side-effect of withdrawal, but it's scary, and I could just use some words of wisdom. I'm 20 years old, and I attend a rigorous college where i'm moving around constantly. Sometimes I feel like i'm going a bit crazy, but when I force myself to work out, things seem marginally better. What steps can I take to socialize with people without it feeling uncomfortable and stiff? I'm sure many others have experienced what I'm experiencing to a much worse degree, but I could just use a little advice. Also, i've been dosing fairly inconsistently. Sometimes I'll stick to a regiment where I take 10 mg in the morning, 10 mg in the afternoon, and 5 mg in the evening. But sometimes I'll take around 10-15 mg in the morning/afternoon and wait to take the rest until evening. Sometimes, i'll wait until around 5-6 pm and take my 25 mg dose at once. Does this matter? Will taking my benzo on a more consistent schedule minimize discomfort?

Anyway, thanks you guys!

[[Ma...]]

This is normal during a taper and especially if you have Social Anxiety in general. I'd suggest(what works for me) hydroxyzine. It's for Itchiness and nausea but works great for anxiety and relaxing you. Its numbed like 80% of my Withdrawal symptoms during my taper so far which is a life safer cause before taking this, i was feeling so horrible i couldnt leave my room, let alone my apartment. And Alcohol and drug cravings are also normal during withdrawal, id try to not drink tho if i werre you because Alcohol can make not only withdrawal worse, but the anxiety as you were talking about. A lot of people don't know this but Alcohol Withdrawal peaks around 72 hours to a week. I don't think you're drinking enough to get withdrawal, but ur putting another Drug in your body that affects the same part of the brain as Benzos, so it could be making you feel worse by day 3, 4 or 5 honestly, hence why you're so tense and anxious.  Try to not drink Alcohol or Caffiene for a week and see how you feel!