6 weeks out

[[my...]]

Never, ever, did I think this would be my situation after spending two plus years of my life tapering off 2 mgs of Klonopin (1 mg for 3 years and 2 mg for one).  I'd thought I would step off and that though it might take a couple of months to completely heal, I never thought it would be worse than it was during much of my taper.

 

True, I had pain during my taper..especially ear pain, muscle spasms and pain and hair loss and an inability to handle any stress at all, etc etc but this is different because I don't know what to do and am full of fear.

 

When a wave comes along - which is almost daily - I feel like an electric current is running through my body, concentrating on my face, jaw, teeth (!!), head and hands.  I have head and ear pressure, chest pressure and pain everywhere.  My muscles are weak even though I walk 40 minutes every day.  I tried swimming yesterday (I'm normally a strong swimmer) and felt so tight and weak at once.

 

If I could cry, I would...but my emotions are as frozen as the rest of my body.

 

I apologize for being negative....I really tried to be positive throughout most of my taper...but this is ridiculous.

 

Please send good thoughts and encouragement....I can't /won't read about protracted or horror stories....I just can't.  I'll be 69 years old in a week and I'm really afraid that I won't recover from Klonopin's assault on my CNS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Ch...]]

You had every expectation to step off easily after such a long taper.  It's hard to find words of encouragement without sounding falsely hopeful and trite, so I will avoid those phrases.

 

You will get through this, mana.  Dig deep, pull from your strength and continue to push through the days.  Keep walking and swimming.  Keep posting for support, draw from our strength right now.

 

We are here for you. 

 

Challis

[[my...]]

Wow....  :smitten:

[[jr...]]

I know it is hard. I too was expecting to walk off but I didnt. the thing about tapering is you can make adjustments to your dose to correct problems. After you jump, you are out there on your own with no meds to make you feel better. I just keep telling myself over and over that time will take care of it. In a year I will not know I ever took a benzo. that is why I encourage people to be kind to themselves while tapering because as hard as it is, it is a cake walk to jumping.

[[Kg...]]

My Mana:  Sorry to read this but after a night of suffering from electric zaps up and down my body and awful head zaps all day Saturday,  believe me I do understand what you are going through. The only thing that we can do is to " do this " there is no going back.  I try and do 'radical acceptance' that is I know it is happening we both know why and I just let it happen. Does it make me 'better' -no -but it makes me feel like I can live through the moment and then the next and the next.  If I hold your hand through this will you hold mine? 

 

BTW I did have few good weeks with a bad day here and there so I think what is happening is another bad few days and hopefully they will disappear the same way they came - for no reason and out of nowhere.  I think we are both between phase 2 and 3 in our healing. We just want to be all in phase 4 -DONE. 

[[Bu...]]

Sending you lots of support and hugs Mana    This is an astonishingly difficult journey but, day by day, we are following the footsteps of those who tapered and recovered.  You are so strong and brave-we all are. 

[[NY...]]

Hi Mana. Sending love and solidarity to you and all my kk buds on here.  Sad to read of your suffering, but comforting to know I'm not alone.  It's so tough, but Kgirl's advice is so wise regarding acceptance.  Hang on with us... brighter days are ahead for us all.  I bet a beautiful window will open for you again soon.  Lots of love, WR

[[tw...]]

Hey mana - I got slammed with horrific symptoms 3-6 weeks after I jumped (but as you can see in my signature, I went WAY too fast...) Honestly, they were just as bad as when I cold turkeyed 2 years ago. (which I guess I basically did yet again this time, although I didn't realize it.) I am going WAAAAYYY slower now.

 

I think that you are just in a period where your body is adjusting to having NOTHING and you are feeling all the symptoms. With me, it's like I became HYPER AWARE of everything.

 

Big hugs - keep going, I hope you get some great windows soon!

[[my...]]

Thank you everyone 

 

Kgirl....yes...I'll hold your hand. 

 

WR and Burned...yes....I didn't' think it would be like this....but wishing you both full recovery and healing.

 

My situation is complicated...I'm trying to find my way. 

 

Will write again soon.

 

Mana