Working through hell to the other side

[[Pa...]]

I am on a very long, slow and upsetting withdrawal journey from 10mgs Valium daily to now 2.5 mgs. 7 years ago I has emergency heart surgery and whilst in hospital Valium was being handed out liberally.  I joined the takers and within weeks was hookedo.  My Doctor continued to prescribe for a couple of years and then insisted that I start tapering.  I was unable to cope and then resorted to internet purchases to supplement.  Some are good but most are not and I have kept my secret from my doctor who has long since believed that I kicked the habit.  Sadly No.  I realised that my mood was changed from that of a very happy fun loving individual to a sad old woman with a false outer image.  So, time to reclaim my busy and fun life and I started the taper almost a year ago.  It's not been easy although slow but keeping really busy has helped as it helps keep the panics at bay....mostly.  Nights are horrible and my sleep is anything between 1 hour to 4 or 5 with the the average around 2/3 per night.  I'm totally exhausted and depressed but determined to kick this poison.  I continue to keep up a very busy social schedule which includes a fair bit of voluntary work.  I've been sorely tempted to give up many times but I know if I do that I'll.have time to wallow in self pity and might be back on the poison full blast.  I'm down to my last 12 x 10 mgs so I hope I can beat this plague before I run out.  Depression, hopelessness, thinning hair, memory loss and severe insomnia coupled with the anxiety and panic is a daily war which I want to win.  Don't know how I will cope when I'm down to 1 or 0.5 mgs as I gather that's the toughest.  I'm too old to end my days in misery and want so much to reclaim my happiness.  Can anyone please advise me how to cope with the final cuts as easily as possible?  Living in Hell is Hell! 😰

[[Ma...]]

You need to be strong. I'm sorry you are going through this. It will be over before you know it. Try not to think about it too much and just keep on keeping on. I would meditate as much as possible if I was in your situation. And probably change my diet. Just eat raw fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds. This is what I would do if I was in my golden years in your situation. Keep to your daily schedule and routine. If you have a smart phone use the app Headspace. It makes meditation easier while you are in benzo WD because it is guided. You need to learn how to relax and cope, while in pain and kind of embrace this process. There is no other way to get to the other side. Either way, whatever you do...just be courageous all the time. Choose your battles too. 

[[Ca...]]

Dont rush the last bit... remember your percentages and be sx guided...

If that means making sure u have plenty of meds available, plan early..

Best wishes...

[[Pa...]]

Thank you both for your support and advice.  Lack of sleep is scaring me and the headaches are blinding. I never heard of the app headspace but will download it and have a go.  Yes I will keep. Meditating and praying but this journey is hard.  I don't want my family to know the hell I'm going through so it's wonderful to have this site available as it's even been a help in such a short time. I do eat well and properly and have done hours of reseRch into what might help me through but this latest 'therapy' just gives me a little bit more hope that I'll get through.

[[Ma...]]

Cantfly is right about not rushing. I'm not 100% sure but pretty sure that it will not make it easier. We are withdrawing as we taper but we need to realize when we are holding too long on a dose. The way I can tell is if I start getting depressed. This is a sign you held too long. So, taper at your own pace as quickly as possible. You are going to have some hard days and moments. This is what I'm trying to accept. And when you meditate just develop a gentle approach to everything as best you can. You need a very gentle approach to courage. It is ok if you get angry but gently remind yourself and notice when you get angry, sad, or happy. It takes practice but you need to learn how to chill out basically