I'm there, but I'm not.

[[re...]]

Hey all.  The last few days have been incredibly difficult.  I feel like I've lost the ability to be present, centered in what I am doing.  That, in turn, leads me to question if I have permanent brain damage from benzos.  And, of course, that leads to being depressed and isolating.  It's a domino effect and nothing I do seems to let me break out of it.  I try to do work, but I just sit, staring at the screen. 

 

It's sincerely frustrating having this cloud of "will I ever be normal again?" hanging over my head.  It permeates everything I do.  Every single action I take, I feel disassociated.  I'm there, but I'm not.  I'm tired of being a spectator in my own life.

[[HR...]]

I feel the same way.

[[re...]]

I feel the same way.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, too.  It's a horrible state to be in, to live in, to act 'as if' in.

[[lo...]]

redoing I had the same for about 2-3 weeks post jump, it keeps morphing though, I had a phase of feeling like a zombie and detached, like brain shuts off. now I am have my life energy back plus a good dose of insane mind racing. like the pendulum swinged too much into the wrong direction.

this will pass. at my current stage I am thankful for any changes - changes mean something is happening. you won't be stuck in this for too long 

[[re...]]

redoing I had the same for about 2-3 weeks post jump, it keeps morphing though, I had a phase of feeling like a zombie and detached, like brain shuts off. now I am have my life energy back plus a good dose of insane mind racing. like the pendulum swinged too much into the wrong direction.

this will pass. at my current stage I am thankful for any changes - changes mean something is happening. you won't be stuck in this for too long

 

thanks, locutus.  i am hoping and sorry you are on this rollercoaster, as well.  i'm over two months out and would love a respite, some good old clarity, ya know?

[[lo...]]

redoing: I fully get it, I was waiting for clarity long time (well couple weeks if that is long) . Now I have clarity on steroids.

now that you mentioned it, I just realized, I have my clarity back! I didn't even think about it. I am scared to think about how I feel. I am just focusing to get to the next day.

if you have dr/dp without crazy anxiety or depression, and get through your day, don't worry (and don't worry otherwise either lol). tomorrow is just around the corner, and then another day, and another....closer to being ok.

[[re...]]

redoing: I fully get it, I was waiting for clarity long time (well couple weeks if that is long) . Now I have clarity on steroids.

now that you mentioned it, I just realized, I have my clarity back! I didn't even think about it. I am scared to think about how I feel. I am just focusing to get to the next day.

if you have dr/dp without crazy anxiety or depression, and get through your day, don't worry (and don't worry otherwise either lol). tomorrow is just around the corner, and then another day, and another....closer to being ok.

 

yay clarity!  that's awesome to hear, locutus.  it gives me hope that i am swimming towards the surface.

[[...]]

I've had this for more than a year now, and it kills. But I keep seeing improvement, so I hope you will, too! Clarity and presence slowly, slowly inching their way back.

Some suggestions: stay around people, so you stay more present. When you're active and talking to people the unreality is less intense. On screens and being alone make it more intense. Sometimes you can't be around people; it gets overwhelming. But when you feel you can do it - talking and being busy make you not feel it as much.

Nony

[[re...]]

I've had this for more than a year now, and it kills. But I keep seeing improvement, so I hope you will, too! Clarity and presence slowly, slowly inching their way back.

Some suggestions: stay around people, so you stay more present. When you're active and talking to people the unreality is less intense. On screens and being alone make it more intense. Sometimes you can't be around people; it gets overwhelming. But when you feel you can do it - talking and being busy make you not feel it as much.

Nony

 

thank you, nony.  i get lost in my head.  it doesn't help that it's february.  or that my self esteem is at an all time low.

[[of...]]

The only way out is through. .. I like that.

 

"Idle hands are the devils playground" There's alot of wisdom in that simple quote..

[[re...]]

The only way out is through. .. I like that.

 

"Idle hands are the devils playground" There's alot of wisdom in that simple quote..

 

quite a lot of wisdom.  i am definitely trying to stay busy, but i won't say its easy especially when having to deal with others in my altered state.

[[El...]]

Hey all.  The last few days have been incredibly difficult.  I feel like I've lost the ability to be present, centered in what I am doing.  That, in turn, leads me to question if I have permanent brain damage from benzos.  And, of course, that leads to being depressed and isolating.  It's a domino effect and nothing I do seems to let me break out of it.  I try to do work, but I just sit, staring at the screen. 

 

It's sincerely frustrating having this cloud of "will I ever be normal again?" hanging over my head.  It permeates everything I do.  Every single action I take, I feel disassociated.  I'm there, but I'm not.  I'm tired of being a spectator in my own life.

Everytime i go into a wave Im sure I have permanently brain damage, I've just been in a 10 days setback, and I was sure I wouldn't ever be healed. Now I'm back at school again and everything is a bit clearer.

It's normal to think like this, and you are not permanently damaged, you will hea Redo

I think Locutus and Nony are airing some really good points here. 

[[Ma...]]

I had that feeling since I started to take xanax till before 3 weeks.Around 1 year.I thougut too I will never feel myself again, but then before 3 weeks I got 3 days of feeling almost 100 % myself.This was so beautiful.Now I am in black days again but I know it will come again.

[[Da...]]

I don't have DP/DR really now but I have had spells of it all my life from anxiety, and as a paradoxical reaction to Benzos so I know what you're feeling and it's not very nice. It certainly will go away, one day, hopefully very soon, you'll wake up and it'll be gone. 

[[Al...]]

I can totally relate, I feel like I'm swinging between reality and "reality". From not present at all to too present and getting reaction over every tiny thing happening around me.

[[re...]]

I can totally relate, I feel like I'm swinging between reality and "reality". From not present at all to too present and getting reaction over every tiny thing happening around me.

 

yes.  that's my day today in a nutshell.

[[re...]]

Hey all.  The last few days have been incredibly difficult.  I feel like I've lost the ability to be present, centered in what I am doing.  That, in turn, leads me to question if I have permanent brain damage from benzos.  And, of course, that leads to being depressed and isolating.  It's a domino effect and nothing I do seems to let me break out of it.  I try to do work, but I just sit, staring at the screen. 

 

It's sincerely frustrating having this cloud of "will I ever be normal again?" hanging over my head.  It permeates everything I do.  Every single action I take, I feel disassociated.  I'm there, but I'm not.  I'm tired of being a spectator in my own life.

Everytime i go into a wave Im sure I have permanently brain damage, I've just been in a 10 days setback, and I was sure I wouldn't ever be healed. Now I'm back at school again and everything is a bit clearer.

It's normal to think like this, and you are not permanently damaged, you will hea Redo

I think Locutus and Nony are airing some really good points here. 

 

I am following your lead as well as the others.  It's your stories of hope and healing and similar struggles that keep me going each day.  What I wouldn't give for a normal day, though. 

[[Sh...]]

I can totally relate, I feel like I'm swinging between reality and "reality". From not present at all to too present and getting reaction over every tiny thing happening around me.

 

This describes it exactly, thank you!