Thought I Was Through...Am I Dying?!?

[[Me...]]

Oh please, I hope someone reads this and can reassure me.  I 'jumped' a few months ago after 20+ years on lorazepam (highest daily dosage 12mg per day as recently as two years ago).  Through the assistance of [...] Buddies, I was able to get completely off the meds by swapping lorazepam for diazepam.  I was thrilled the day I took my final, tiny dose.  The thrill was short lived.  I read the stages of post taper withdrawal and I can't quite figure which one of them I am in if I am in any of them at all.  Could be a zillion other things.  Here is what I am dealing with (daily)... Profuse sweating for hours at a time.  Extreme anger, short tempered and impatient.  Nausea.  Neck stiffness and pain.  Blurred vision.  High blood pressure (which I've never had before and only coincidentally began after 'jumping')...170/110.  Now I'm on bp lowering meds (angry face here).  My new doctor thinks it may be menopause symptoms.  Except I've been post menopausal since the age of 48 (I'm now 55).  I can see why she thinks this given that the discomfort I am experiencing sounds a lot like menopause symptoms.  Now we're thinking about HRT which scares the crap out of me. I'd rather be back on [...]'s (not really but kind of).  My quality of life is shit right now.  The constant sweating has made me housebound because I can't stand to wear appropriate clothing (tank tops and shorts in 28 degree weather generates unwanted stares) and also because everything on the planet irritates me and I want to punch perfectly lovely people in the throat.  It would almost be a blessing if this were many-years-delayed menopause symptoms, but the timeline and my own instincts are in disagreement with this theory.  What do YOU think?!?

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hello MeepMeep,

 

You are really very very early off benzos, and at high doses.  What you are feeling is pretty normal (sadly) for this stage of withdrawal. I had all the symptoms you describe and no, they are not fun.  The anger and impatience is known as benzo rage.  It's like the nervous system is on overload all the time.  The tightness of muscles was extreme for me.  We must remember that benzos are efficient muscle relaxers and it takes time for them to learn to relax naturally, without chemical intervention.

 

Yes, this sounds a bit like menopause which can last for years, lucky us. But, I know my symptoms were not due to menopause. They were due to withdrawal.

 

I think you'll get through this stage and things will start to ease up. My suggestion would be to distract, make it something you practice every day.  I had my "bag of tricks" that I used all day and sometimes all night. I watched light hearted movies, did puzzles, read books, played Scrabble and did crosswords on the computer and read Success Stories.

 

Time is the healer, your system wants to return to balance and will work towards that goal. In my opinion, it's well worth the wait.

 

pianogirl 

[[Sp...]]

Oh, I wouldn't go the HRT route.  Its been a while since you went through menopause, so your body could react very strangely to an introduction now.  HRT can have many side effects, and I wouldn't add any fuel to your fire.  I am so sorry you are not feeling well at all.  Rest assured that you are not alone.  As you can see all around, there are many of us who have literally lost our livelihood to this.  It is all consuming because there is so much pain, horrible GI problems and innumerable inexplicable things happening to our mind and our body.  It is a testament to how strong our bodies really are.  I think the worst thing for all of us is feeling alone.  Remember 24/7 that you are not alone and you will make it through this.  When you can't sleep at night, rest assured that there are many laying wide awake with you and many that share the emotional and physical pain.  I think that taking one day at a time is the only thing we can do to emotionally survive this.  I would also urge you to do things that make you feel good - help someone in need, share kind words with someone who is down, if you have pets love them up.  All of these things make us feel better about ourselves and take us away from our own despair.  Take a long hot bath if you can (I can't get in the tub - too stiff and sore) or maybe a dip in the hottub...every little thing you do today and tomorrow will make you feel better and you'll be one day closer to the end.  Me too!     

[[Me...]]

Oh THANK YOU my benzo friends!  Your thoughtful replies have helped me immensely.  I am very appreciative.  I feel for all of us who suffer this pain.  I am grateful for your help with perspective.

[[Wi...]]

Im surprised you dont have MORE symptoms then uve listed. When i was at ur stage i had 24/7 terror tinnitus dp dr etc etc. i think ur doing good considering where ur at in the process and the dose your coming off. I also thougnt i had heart and internal organ problems etc but its all only wd. Hang in here.