How can this be normal at 8 months?

[[Ki...]]

I am just over 8 months off of all benzos after a 4 month taper.

 

I am really struggling - mostly with severe physical symptoms. I am doing everything in my power to get well and am trying every minute of every day to accept that this is w/d. My daily pain is usually between an 8-9 out of 10. I am finding it next to impossible to comes to term with this nightmare, to believe that this indescribable feeling can come from pills. I am getting no real windows - just short periods where everything is tamped down just a bit. There is NO sign of improvement and in many ways I may be worse. I know this is supposed to take time but I need two things from those that have been through this.

 

1 - Validation that the below symptoms are w/d & that others have experienced these exact symptoms

2 - Any suggestions on how to find relief from this laundry list of debilitating issues

 

I am not drinking, eating very well, meditating and doing light exercise (despite wanting to do a lot more).

I do not know what else to do. Most days I am convinced this is never going to let up. At my worst, I fear that this is going to kill me.

 

Please let me know if this is normal at 8 months.

Thank you.

 

Day #252

Another rough start. Sending NO signs of recovery. Pain is consistently bad.

 

Head still feels like it is in a vice

All head muscles tight & painful - feels paralyzed

Head feels heavy - occipital headache constant

Face stiff, even numb

Left eye feels droopy and twitches at times

Popping left ear

Tinnitus in left ear

Head, neck and shoulder muscles locked up, painful & burning

Acute pain in neck and shoulders - feels like I just had the fusion surgery

Middle of back pain

Body aches all over - feels like an old man

Muscles twitching randomly - especially lower left leg

Jaw sore and stiff

Hands stiff, sore and sometimes swollen

Feet tired - like I ran a marathon

Throat hurts - as if muscles in throat at stiff/sore

Vision is off - migrainey at times

Vision in right eye is blurry - hard to read w/ just that eye

Odd rash on scalp

Digestion not normal

Down - fighting to stay positive in the never-ending fight

Irritable, angry a lot of the time

Fearful - is this w/d or is this something else that wil kill me

Depersonalization- feel anti-social, disconnected from people

Derealization - feel like I am in a dream a lot of the time, out of it

[[Vi...]]

Hi, Kinglouie, sorry for your suffering, this is a long list and i understand you completely.

I'm same us you 8 months out and I have all the symptoms what you wrote, and plus I would put burning painfull thingling head and scalp. Many days I feel I need to go on a gabapentin or some kind of medication bc I can't take it anymore. But after I read lots off succsess story here and I belive I'm  still in withraw and it will take time, but it will get better.

How is your anxiety? Anxiety can cause lots off symptoms. I still have that too but that area I'm improving a lot. 

One of the BB recommend a good book here what is helping me... Hope and help for your nerve by Dr Clair Weeks.

Hot baths helping me and lots and lots of positive talk. Ice on your head and face can help for short time. All those helping me, and I hope it will help you too.

I hope you did all your  physical test, just to make sure.

So sorry for your suffering again. Try to believe we will heal and this nightmare will end.

Hugs

[[er...]]

Well, I can only speak for myself and I think what you've described is "normal" for 8 months, and I fear, longer..

 

I'm near 11 months out, after a 7 month taper off of long term clonazepam use, and I have many of the symptoms you listed.  It is sometimes more than I seem to be able to bare, but somehow, I (and so many others) keep going. 

 

What's a real pisser about this, is that the medical community categorically denies that all of this can be happening to us because of benzos, so we basically get zero validation from them and since they don't recognize this "discontinuation syndrome", others use such flawed medical information as the reason to not validate us either.  Not many people would take the time to read anything on BB to educate themselves and offer us some compassion either, so in my experience, the saving grace has been people on BB and this site.

 

I have a lot of the "body" aching symptoms you mentioned, and I feel older than my years as well (for the most part).  What is strange, is that sometimes (when in a window of sorts), I feel good and as strong as a bull.  But then w/d hits me again, usually within a couple of hours, and I'm back to feeling like a very old man might feel.

 

I eat well too, and exercise hard 5-6x / week (as that's the only thing that makes me feel better), and do my best to reduce the intake of toxins.

 

Well, take advantage of this site, it is really helpful!

 

Eric

 

 

[[Ki...]]

Thank you both. I wish I could say that I am definitively seeing improvement. If I am healing, there are no real signs.

A real window right now would go a long way towards helping me fully accept and have hope.

Nothing to do but keep going.

[[pa...]]

It's not normal, it's benzo withdrawal.  It takes time, a lot of time to heal.  I am nearly 10 months jumped and still struggling with withdrawal.

[[ka...]]

I am now 16 months free and clear from benzos after  my cold turkey off of benzos. I had been on them for 8 years. It's been a brutal process. Much like Eric expressed, I  really struggled  with a medical community that refused to believe that my symptoms were related to benzo discontinuation. It was so frustrating. After much searching, I finally found a Dr. who believed that I was feeling what I was feeling and that it was related to the discontinuation of the benzos.  She really understood what these meds did to GABA channels and how the body responded in it's healing process.  There's a great article on this site called, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR BRAIN? (( Parker)[/b]. I highly recommend you read it.  It gives you an idea of how the benzos have effected our brains and what happens in our brains as we are healing.  Still today, I suffer with intense muscle tension, blurred vision, digestive issues and relentless anxiety ( but not as intense as during the acute withdrawal.  Most of it is manageable at this point, most of the time. I now have days where I can function fairly normally but still some bad days here and there. At 8 months I was just beginning to be able to string together a few good days at a time.  My dose was much smaller than yours but I was on them for a very long time. My hope is that a year from now, I will be  at least 90% healed.  I'm very proactive in my recovery and I think that has been helpful. I would estimate that right now, I'm at 60-70%.  Best wishes for your continued success.  It does get better, I swaer.  Hang in there.

 

Katz09899

[[Ma...]]

You are not very far away from me.I am 6 month out and i have many of this symptoms plus insomnia.So yes it can be wd and so bad.

[[Sy...]]

For me month 7 was good

And now month 8 my Worst wave...

And no help from doctors...

We fight alone

Courage

[[...]]

I also have most of thses symptoms...I'm at 9 months now and mine are slowly starting to decrease...but I was like you at 7 months....I thought I was gonna be stuck with these symptoms for life....you know it's definitely withdrawl as we've all had similar if not the same problems....I noticed you said about your eye. ..my right eye has been lazy, vision very disturbed and my eye droops a little....the pains in my upper back muscles are intense!!!....My back burns like someone's holding something hot against me...I have benzo belly 70% of the time to...it's really tough and I sympathize with you 100%....you will start to heal...I can't say when but I can say it will happen....least when you believe it....your doing a great job as we all are....hang in there ❤❤❤

[[Ki...]]

I am sure you all know how comforting it is to hear that others are experiencing the same suffering. I wrestle relentless doubt and have come to believe that it is actually a symptom. Not being able to accept that the laundry list of symptoms are a result of a physical dependence has to be a form of w/d anxiety. No matter what I do, no matter what I read, I can convince myself that something else is horribly wrong. That is not me. I was not like this before Klonopin. It has to be these damn drugs.

 

When I have the energy, I am going to do everything in my power to expose this benzo injustice.

There are no words to describe what it's like to endure every second of this nightmare.

No one should have to battle this in our modern society.

 

Thank you all for helping me fight the mental battle.