Requesting help with liquid titration & emotional support please

[[Vi...]]

Aloha, My first post: I really need support please.

 

I am currently doing liquid titration of diazepam in sparkling italian mineral water.

I put one diazepam 2mg & wait & mix & shake,

divide by 8, so .25mg two times per day.

I make four days worth at once, in glass jars, not in fridge. Is this okay??

This for three weeks, and now taking out .5ml each dose.

 

My Story:

 

I am  (trying) to keep working half time as a Music performer and Music teacher, which I Love, but sometimes stressful. I am a counselor my self, and have had much excellent counseling. I am a positive person, with good relationship skills, coping skills, positive thinking, meditation and Gratitude practice.

 

I am female, 62 yrs old, underweight, with CFIDS, hypothyroid and severe allergies.

 

I have never used drugs or alcohol b4. I mean never, just tried mj a few times as a teen, but it made me feel paranoid and hungry, which I already am any way, so no thanks. I saw what alcohol did to relationships, so I never drank, have never been drunk in my life. I have a little training in addiction, and I have respect and great compassion for those who struggle.

 

I never thought this would happen to me…..

 

A devastating divorce (he in an affair, lying to me for 8 months, then left six weeks after I found out). I was devastated and terrified. I got good counseling right away…

 

My MD gave me Lorazepam/Atavan since April 2011.

Then My MD left my town,

an Rn gave me same for 5 and 1/ 2 years!??!

my dose was .75 mg daytime and 1mg bedtime. I never went higher.

 

I always thought I would get off of it when the next challenging thing in my life was past….. in just a few more weeks….

 

and wondered why my life was falling apart

 

Then my sister, who is a social worker,  in another state, she found out what I was on and read me some stuff online and sent me some links.

She is Very compassionate and concerned.

 

So September 12th 2016 I began to dry cut taper, uninformed, too much too fast: first I dropped to .5mg the first day, then by accident, forgot my dose. Cold turkey symptoms suddenly, I looked online & took my dose and went to bed, i.e. .75 2X day LZ.

 

I went to my new MD, who agreed to assist me to withdraw slow taper.

 

September 28th my MD switched me to Valium/Diazepam 5mg

(She had me do it very suddenly, not gradual, though I chose the day.)

On Diazepam 5mg I could not walk or move. Dropped to 2.5 in 12 hours.

Stabilized for two weeks

October 12th:  down via dry cut a sliver less 2 times a day.

Nightmares and insomnia, when back up the live at night.

 

October 30th: 2mg daytime & 2.5 at night

 

November 16th: down to 2mg day & night

November 25th: down to 1.5 mg daytime and 2mg at night

November 28th: down to 1.5 mg day & night

It seems rougher when I take a different dose in the night as in the day.

(I was having withdrawal symptoms each morning on two different doses)

 

December 9th & 10th: Down to 1/2 a pill, or 1mg day & night

December 18th: Down to 1/4, or .5mg day & night

Some difficulty sleeping, vey sick but cannot take benadryl ever again, I take it a lot for severe allergies. I am very scared about this, re brain damage, which I can tell that I have, cognition, stoned, dizzy,, short term memory issues.

a little better by the 23rd

I think this was too much too fast!

then: (what was I thinking??!?!)

December 24th: Down to 1/4, or .5mg nighttime only

not too bad 12/24 on nothing in the daytime

I was trying to take it only at night, per Aston Manuel

then 12/25 I was having all the awful, usual withdrawal symptoms,

(I need to work early on 12/27)

So I went back up to 1/8th of a 2mg pill, plus a little at 1:00 pm

NOT EASY TO GET ACCURATE CUTS

January first 2016:

I wanted to quit cold turkey, so sick of being stoned & dizzy

My sister ( a social worker) helped me on the phone,

She said don’t quit, go slower, made me promise

 

so now I am liquid titration .25 two times a day for 3 weeks

Several symptoms, vary in severity daily, mostly dizzy, short term memory issues, cognitive, rumination, anxiety,

and a sudden increase in irritability, yelling at and hitting my sweet dog.

January 23rd, reduced above by .5ml

January 28th midnight:

mistake! I forgot to remove .5ml, so went back up a smidge

January 28th noon, .25 minus .6ml

 

Much worse & new symptoms by 8pm tonight January 28th 2017

bad motion sickness/ vomiting/dry heaves/tingling all over

insomnia, cognition, anxiety, rumination….you know…

L-Tryptophane helps sleep and moods)

 

I just studied more online (wikipedia), and now I am scared.

I thought this would be easier, but I’m getting new worse symptoms.

Maybe this will be Hell?!?? For awhile!?!?

if I get too sick to work, I will lose my job and my house….

i already lost my marriage & some friends

Scared to drive sometimes, I try to get a ride if possible

(I should check out Uber)

My family is supportive, but far away.

 

I am requesting support from those who have been through this please.

My MD is helpful, but she thought it would be easier.

I see my wonderful therapist once a month.

I practice meditation, and play Music, and take walks,

I eat a very good & strict diet (Paleo, organic) but not enough.

I am way too skinny this year.

Lack of support/help where I live.

 

 

I tried an NA meeting once, met a woman my age who been through this,

but she thought I should go off faster, so i quit talking to her.

 

I am requesting support from those who have been through this please.

Is there anyone I can talk to on the phone???

 

I live small town/island.

can I find a specialist for this?

Or this group will be good enough?

with my MD, who does get it about slow weaning, lucky that!

 

What can help with the awful symptoms?

If I can’t eat/keep food down/ I will pass out,

I am too skinny and hypo-glycemic

 

I am currently doing liquid titration of diazepam in sparkling italian mineral water.

I put one diazepam 2mg & wait & mix & shake,

divide by 8, so .25mg two times per day.

I make four days worth at once, in glass jars, not in fridge. Is this okay??

This for three weeks, and now taking out .5ml each dose.

 

I am very positive, motivated and committed to loving myself and healing my self. I was mostly feeling hopeful, until (new) symptoms got way worse tonight.

 

I am requesting support from those who have been through this please.

 

Also, is there a help line for benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome, ie anyone I can talk to on the phone???

 

[[me...]]

Welcome to the forum!  We're glad to have you as a new member.  We have many members in their 60's.  I started my third and last taper off benzos at age 62, the though it wasn't an easy process, I'm now almost 5 years off and completely healed.  So, this is doable.

 

You'll find plenty of information and support here.  Our members have gone through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to see  people who understand what you're going through and can tell you what has worked for them.  For those who are currently tapering, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days, and some taper even slower than that.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster than that.  Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a month or so after discontinuing the medication.  The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia, but these are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Withdrawal Support Board

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms in Chapter III, and there is also a section with withdrawal/taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

 

[[Se...]]

Welcome ViolinComposer!

 

Sounds like you've been having a pretty rough time. Very sorry for that. Good thing is you have the right attitude to get through this. Plenty of people here to give you direction and support.

 

My taper is relatively new, but the one thing that became pretty clear was that it was going to take longer than I thought if I was to remain semi/mostly functional.

 

You are going to be OK. I think you know that deep down. Don't let the WD symptoms fool you.

[[Vi...]]

Thank you for the warm welcome, and for this group. I will do a signature soon, that is a brilliant idea.

 

I just read this on BBs: "If you wish, other BB members and Team will help you locate, legitimate, accredited counsellors, in your locality (or those offering online support if that is what you would prefer). Though, we will only reference lists and checks organized by legitimate governing bodies (not individual coaches/counsellors/therapists)."

 

I would love to get a referral to someone who really gets this, in Kihei, Kahului Wailuku or Makawao, Hawaii. Online would be fine, maybe even better, cos of not having to drive. I am on medicare disability and limited income, but may be able to get some family help with low payments. OR maybe this group will be enough support??

 

My Md is on board re slow taper RX, and I have an excellent psycho-therapist and co-counseling, and many years of training in coping skills. But recent worsening symptoms, and the realization that this may take longer than I had hoped, have me concerned that I am alone and far from my family, with very little support such as shopping/cooking and driving, when I may not be able to. (Anyone with Uber or Lift experience, please advise).

 

I hope to not end up losing my part time job and my little rental cottage, and have to give up my beloved career and lifestyle in Paradise, that I worked so hard for (I went back to school & then built a very small solo business). Even a couple of months off, or any unreliability on my part would destroy what I have built, and my self esteem. I really hope that I don't have to go back to cold rainy city and live in my father's basement to recover.

 

The symptoms got worse (and new ones) last weekend when I did not sleep enough for two nights, so I hope that I can control that, but I do not know what to expect. And how can anyone tell me what to expect, cos we are all different??

 

I try to eat really well & often, all organic, plenty water, plenty sleep and daily walks in nature, and meditation helps me.

 

Going down slow liquid taper diazepam, now down to .25 2x day, minus .6ml of the solution. I took out .5-.6 mls of the solution a few days ago , was that too much too fast?? Any advice on what else can help lesson symptoms would be appreciated.

[[ma...]]

Yes, you are doing this right . IT takes time .

[[pi...]]

Thank you for the warm welcome, and for this group. I will do a signature soon, that is a brilliant idea.

 

I just read this on BBs: "If you wish, other BB members and Team will help you locate, legitimate, accredited counsellors, in your locality (or those offering online support if that is what you would prefer). Though, we will only reference lists and checks organized by legitimate governing bodies (not individual coaches/counsellors/therapists)."

 

I would love to get a referral to someone who really gets this, in Kihei, Kahului Wailuku or Makawao, Hawaii. Online would be fine, maybe even better, cos of not having to drive. I am on medicare disability and limited income, but may be able to get some family help with low payments. OR maybe this group will be enough support??

 

My Md is on board re slow taper RX, and I have an excellent psycho-therapist and co-counseling, and many years of training in coping skills. But recent worsening symptoms, and the realization that this may take longer than I had hoped, have me concerned that I am alone and far from my family, with very little support such as shopping/cooking and driving, when I may not be able to. (Anyone with Uber or Lift experience, please advise).

 

I hope to not end up losing my part time job and my little rental cottage, and have to give up my beloved career and lifestyle in Paradise, that I worked so hard for (I went back to school & then built a very small solo business). Even a couple of months off, or any unreliability on my part would destroy what I have built, and my self esteem. I really hope that I don't have to go back to cold rainy city and live in my father's basement to recover.

 

The symptoms got worse (and new ones) last weekend when I did not sleep enough for two nights, so I hope that I can control that, but I do not know what to expect. And how can anyone tell me what to expect, cos we are all different??

 

I try to eat really well & often, all organic, plenty water, plenty sleep and daily walks in nature, and meditation helps me.

 

Going down slow liquid taper diazepam, now down to .25 2x day, minus .6ml of the solution. I took out .5-.6 mls of the solution a few days ago , was that too much too fast?? Any advice on what else can help lesson symptoms would be appreciated.

 

Aloha,

 

I've been to your little piece of paradise many times!!!

 

I'm a piano teacher and I taught throughout my taper and recovery.  It wasn't easy at times and I do think my teaching did suffer. Luckily, I could put myself on auto-pilot and keep going. I did take a little time off after my jump off due to the symptoms but otherwise I forged ahead.  Actually the distraction of teaching did help me.

 

We actually have not as yet formulated a list of counsellors.  It is hard to find people who really understand this process. Unfortunately, unless you have been through withdrawal yourself, it's hard to grasp the breadth and depth of it.

 

I don't have experience with titration since I did a dry cut but it appears you are going slowly.  You might post on the Titration Board for more help with this.  Just listen to your body and adjust if necessary.

 

You are doing all the right things, with time, you'll be benzo free. It's well worth the effort.

 

pianogirl 

[[Vi...]]

Just a wiki update: I'm down to only .1 mg only at night, and weaning. I've been doing much better with the withdrawal symptoms for a few months, mostly since I switched to liquid titration micro taper, which I recommend over dry cut. But now I'm addicted to Benadryl for insomnia and terrible allergies, I'm working with a naturopath on that, thank you everyone. It does get better!

[[pi...]]

Just a wiki update: I'm down to only .1 mg only at night, and weaning. I've been doing much better with the withdrawal symptoms for a few months, mostly since I switched to liquid titration micro taper, which I recommend over dry cut. But now I'm addicted to Benadryl for insomnia and terrible allergies, I'm working with a naturopath on that, thank you everyone. It does get better!

 

I'm so happy that things are going well for you!!  Stay on course and you'll be benzo free and we'll be thrilled to congratulate you on achieving this.

 

pianogirl