I don't want to believe that I will never get better

[[So...]]

Reading BB today has caused more harm I feel than good, I found a thread that said "some people just don't ever rec Get and you have to accept that" I am 24 and only used klonopin for a little over two years, max dose 3 mg for a few days and mostly 1.5 for the remainder, I am now down to 1 mg and tapering slowly from there, is it really true that some people don't ever get better, that this pill ruined my life possibly forever. That my fiancé will leave me, I will never have a normal life or kids and am bound to a life of blbenzo induced hell and mediocrity, I hope this isn't the case but seeing people who say that after 8 years or more off benzos they are still in hell everyday just broke me down to tears

[[me...]]

You're catastrophizing about this.  The truth is, you WILL get better.  The thoughts you are having are common though, they're what are called "benzo lies." Dire fearful thoughts are themselves a symptom.  You will be fine in time, and of course time itself is the healer.  It sounds like this is your first withdrawal, and first withdrawals are often easier than subsequent ones.

 

Yes, there are horror stories on this forum, but that's because we attract the really difficult cases.  Those who are having an easy time of it never seek out this forum, and if they do, they leave quickly and without fanfare as soon as they heal.

 

[[Ca...]]

Hey song, i would be interested to see these peoples histories, possibly other meds, taper histories X?, time on med, medical history, the list goes on...

My point, I wouldnt be slipping yourself into any catagories for a long time yet, and the first should probably be the "Im benzo free, and doing great" catagory...

Megan is right... yet again... -its so normal, the thoughts try me out every day still... Benzo lies they are...

Education is key, but keep critical eye on it...

Hang in there...

 

 

[[Th...]]

Unfortunately you find some venting posts where people feel hopeless and make claims like that. Kinda like when kids throw tantrums and tell their parents they hate them. I do it too but just not here. You will do great! I did my first taper in my late 20's and found it much easier at a younger age and healed faster. Remember you are going to find a dispportionate amount of people in pain right now on the boards because those out there having it easy don't speak out for help. The success stories help. You see how hopeless the person "was" and how they never felt like they would heal, but they did! Tons of stories that play out the same way. Best wishes to you 

[Guest [Lu...]]

your age and time you were on it are working in your favor. and theres people that were on crazy amounts of this stuff

your entire life is ahead of you, its a very very small percentage of people that really have that much of a problem.

youll heal. ive had awfullll chronic symptoms in tolerance withdrawal, 24/7 dizzy whacked out weirdness and insane fatigue i couldnt ever imagine going away, and ive had a couple really good windows of ahhhhh, holy crap, this CAN chill out. my fatigue definitely abating as i get lower.

point being, i couldnt EVER imagine feeling better for a long time, but ive had some signs its gonna happen. and im a 45 yr old dude, looking forward to hopefully a new lease on part 2 of life on the other side of this.

hang in there this will absolutely not last forever

[[Jo...]]

I swing between: This is hell and its never going to get better; and I feel so strong I am going to cold turkey today; and all points in between. 

 

One of the advantages of being older (maybe the only one) is perspective.  We all have regular up and down periods, some for me that lasted a couple of years  (not continuous just tough periods), that I came out of quite fine.  I started tapering a year ago today and am down at 27.5 % of my orginal dose.  A year seems like a long time when you are 24, not so much at 52.  My kids were born at 39 and 44.  My wife is the same age as me - so I would say you have a few yrs to worry about these things yet. 

 

Songbird, Do you keep a diary and write in it when you feel good as well as bad? 

 

I have kept a written journal, and an app diary as well.  Obviously, the entries when everything sucks are alot longer but I have endeavoured to include times when I felt good.  Its not quite daily, but the gaps betwen days say something:  I always write when I feel bad because I get insomnia and have all those extra hours on my hands.  But, if I am feeling good, or passable, I may not write for a couple of days. 

 

When I look at my journal I see periods of intense anxiety, insomnia, and an assortment of other issues followed by periods of relatively good sleep, and much lower angst.  Had I kept a journal prior to the taper I am pretty sure I would see that my symptoms while on the K. and ADs were similar, but slightly less due to some muting by the drug.  The miserable symptoms while on the drugs are what made me want to quit, so I know it was nasty at times. 

 

I fully expect to get better as I get closer to zero, and after.  But, I also know it wont be linear.  I dont know if I will be free if panic attacks, and free floating anxiety but I am sure it will be less without the chemical interference.  It was before I started this 20 yrs. ago.  I have learned alot of coping skills over the years.

 

Hope it gets better. 

[[be...]]

I have no regard whatsoever for posts like that and neither should you. It's fiction. Absolutely everyone here will be absolutely fine in good time. A vent/rage, or just in some cases idiocy is in that post you read. Or yes someone will deliberately post a lovely scare tactic. Worked didn't it. You have no idea of that person's other problems in life. Other drugs/alcohol etc. Mental illness and so forth. You might have some awkward, difficult days but believe me just keep your taper going and these days will become a distant memory. You've got a wedding coming this summer. So concentrate on that. If I believed crap like that I wouldn't even bother with this. But I'm doing fine all things considered. So expect a full, enjoyable life. I'm 65 and planning complete happiness in my golden years. Stop torturing yourself with nonsense because that's all it is. A post like that isn't a benzo problem. Not even close. B

[[Be...]]

I have no regard whatsoever for posts like that and neither should you. It's fiction. Absolutely everyone here will be absolutely fine in good time. A vent/rage, or just in some cases idiocy is in that post you read. Or yes someone will deliberately post a lovely scare tactic. Worked didn't it. You have no idea of that person's other problems in life. Other drugs/alcohol etc. Mental illness and so forth. You might have some awkward, difficult days but believe me just keep your taper going and these days will become a distant memory. You've got a wedding coming this summer. So concentrate on that. If I believed crap like that I wouldn't even bother with this. But I'm doing fine all things considered. So expect a full, enjoyable life. I'm 65 and planning complete happiness in my golden years. Stop torturing yourself with nonsense because that's all it is. A post like that isn't a benzo problem. Not even close. B

 

B is right you know!

[[...]]

Hi,

 

Don't believe everything you read.

You will get better and there are no guarantees, sorry to couple the two but it would be remiss of me to say "everything will be fine and dandy". I'm in the middle of a taper myself and its hard but it does get better and the supports you create while tapering will improve your life beyond what you might see now and the fears that you have will not have so much power.

 

with best wishes,

CG

[[je...]]

Hey Song.  I concur with the other BBs.  Don't even think you won't get better.  You will heal.  Right now it may be best to not read threads or sections (like protracted withdrawal).  It will put your mind in a tailspin (from what I can gather with your post).

 

Do your best with this journey, stay positive, and visit BBs often.  Someone is here 24/7/365.  Good luck!

 

 

[[...]]

Song: You will heal. You will have a benzo free happy life 

Don't read my post today 😨 Misery is my name

You are young and have been tapering so good.

 

Stay strong and positive ❤

[[So...]]

Thank you so much to everybody for the advice. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, it is really easy to get in your own head sometimes about this, and I know I am definitely catastrophizing things a bit. I just feel like I don't want this to be my life, just fighting everyday to get better, to get over the agoraphobia, to lose weight, to finally feel like I can think freely and clearly and to have a good grasp of my emotions. I just want to get better, I have 1 mg of klonopin left, I plan to taper off of in four months and hopefully heal, that's all I can do right?

[[bb...]]

Songbird - How much and how often do you taper? I am on K just like you. We will heal. This is my 3rd time on. It's different (bad) for me this time.  Hang in there friend. 

[[So...]]

Songbird - How much and how often do you taper? I am on K just like you. We will heal. This is my 3rd time on. It's different (bad) for me this time.  Hang in there friend. 

 

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was only on 3 mg for a few months and then gradually reduced down to about 2 mg a day and I stayed there for about a year and then 1.75 then 1.5 and then 1.25, 1.125 now 1 mg. I went from 1.75 to 1 mg in about five months.

 

I hope to be totally off of the 1 mg by the beginning of June.

 

I just want to get better, I have agoraphobia a little bit, brain fog, the fatigue has gotten better, but the weight gain is horrible, it really only crept on the last year of being on klonopin but it is giving me more anxiety than this med could ever hope to fight, I have been checked for thyroid issues, diabetes, everything under the sun that could be causing weight gain and the only explanation is the klonopin. I barely eat, I workout two hours a day and the weight just came on out of nowhere, I just want to feel like me again. I want to get married to my fiance and live a happy life. I'm so sad and scared

[[of...]]

Just be patient and dont rush. You'll recover

[[Th...]]

I'm also on Klonopin Songbird and it seems to be one of the tougher ones. My last taper which was my second, now on my third. These tapers were years apart granted, not failed attempts. When I finished my second taper I did not feel great right away, but a few months later I got pregnant. The positive was I was already accustom to throwing up everyday  . I had the best 2 years of my life. Not only did I heal but I actually felt better than when I started these stupid pills. It put what "real anxiety" was into perspective. I no longer sweat the mild discomfort I got the pills for. Best 2 years of my life good! Granted I'm back to square one after a bad setback..read my signature to see. I was in such a bad place It was life or death to go back on a tranquilizer or I wouldn't have went back to this Kpin poison. It's been horrible this third time! Only knowing how great I felt after the last one gives me hope. I am so looking forward to healing. I cry all the time remembering how great I felt after my last taper, man I'd love one day of it and I miss it so much, but it gives me hope that things are going to be awesome someday. They will be awesome for you too. Try not to rush to meet any deadlines. Follow your body and things post taper will be easier. I had hardly any symptoms past one or 2 months post taper and I was on 6mg Klonopin and 3mg Xanax