Updose stories needed

[[so...]]

Hi buddies, I would like to hear from folks who have experience with updosing. I have a decision to make.

 

My situation: I am a cancer patient. Put on benzos to "help" with the anxiety of the situation and get me through chemo. As many of us experienced, I was not told of the dangers, and found myself dependent when chemo was over and I tried to stop the benzos.

 

I have been in remission for a year, and been tapering miserably the whole time. Three months ago I decided to try a long hold, staying at 3 mg diazepam, to try to stabilize my crummy symptoms. It hasn't really helped much. I continue to feel quite sick, with a variety of symptoms. I do get windows now and then.

 

Two weeks ago, my oncologist expressed concern about my tumor marker rising in my blood work. The cancer may be recurring. We test again in two weeks.

 

Which brings me to the updose question. If the cancer is back, the taper is over. I just want to feel better for whatever time I have left.

 

Tell me your updose stories. How much did you updose? Did it help? Did you feel better, or worse, or did you not notice much of a change? I'm contemplating an updose, but fear it could make me feel even worse, which would be a huge bummer.

 

I realize we all react differently, which is one of the many things that makes this benzo trip so frustrating. Just curious as to how updose worked for people.

 

Thanks guys. 

[[lo...]]

It removed only the top intensely psychotic symptoms and probably made all the other ones worse. Only now, after not really stabilizing after 3 months and am tapering again, do I feel even remotely close to normal for only 20% of the day. The rest is a depressed,foggy,tinnitus mess

[[so...]]

Love and Hate, thanks for the response. Sorry your updose wasn't good for you. Sounds pretty crummy. I hope things get better.

[[NJ...]]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this.

 

I tried to taper twice before and reinstated (so different than updosing--I went back up to my original dose and said forget it, I cannot do it).

 

I felt GREAT at the original dose but after about six months started falling apart, think I hit tolerance, could have been reaction to grief but I knew this was not working. I added remeron and then all was good within two weeks and I could taper again and have been doing mostly well.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had just added the remeron on during one of the two prior taper attempts and not updosed.

 

You may have some tough decisions ahead but I would say to do whatever you can to enjoy your life. There should not be any shame in staying on a benzo and not tapering.

[[lo...]]

Love and Hate, thanks for the response. Sorry your updose wasn't good for you. Sounds pretty crummy. I hope things get better.

 

No problem, and thanks! I made the post sound a bit dramatic, but my updose was definitely needed. I was having a smooth 6-12% a month taper until I went and did 25% in two weeks, that fcked me over. So, hold if you need to, don't feel bad about that.

 

But also, consider the fact your last few cuts have been in the 8% range per 3 weeks. perhaps try 2% a week? or something a little more gradual? That may help you a lot.

[[so...]]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this.

 

I tried to taper twice before and reinstated (so different than updosing--I went back up to my original dose and said forget it, I cannot do it).

 

I felt GREAT at the original dose but after about six months started falling apart, think I hit tolerance, could have been reaction to grief but I knew this was not working. I added remeron and then all was good within two weeks and I could taper again and have been doing mostly well.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had just added the remeron on during one of the two prior taper attempts and not updosed.

 

You may have some tough decisions ahead but I would say to do whatever you can to enjoy your life. There should not be any shame in staying on a benzo and not tapering.

 

 

 

If I were to get six months of feeling decent, that probably all I would require. If you know what I mean. Updosing sounds like a viable option. Thanks!

[[so...]]

Love and Hate, thanks for the response. Sorry your updose wasn't good for you. Sounds pretty crummy. I hope things get better.

 

No problem, and thanks! I made the post sound a bit dramatic, but my updose was definitely needed. I was having a smooth 6-12% a month taper until I went and did 25% in two weeks, that fcked me over. So, hold if you need to, don't feel bad about that.

 

But also, consider the fact your last few cuts have been in the 8% range per 3 weeks. perhaps try 2% a week? or something a little more gradual? That may help you a lot.

 

 

Thanks Love and Hate. I think either continuing to hold or updosing are my options now. If the cancer is back, not much point in maintaining the taper war. I'll want to feel as well as possible so that I can focus on more important things.

[[Ho...]]

Love and Hate, thanks for the response. Sorry your updose wasn't good for you. Sounds pretty crummy. I hope things get better.

 

No problem, and thanks! I made the post sound a bit dramatic, but my updose was definitely needed. I was having a smooth 6-12% a month taper until I went and did 25% in two weeks, that fcked me over. So, hold if you need to, don't feel bad about that.

 

But also, consider the fact your last few cuts have been in the 8% range per 3 weeks. perhaps try 2% a week? or something a little more gradual? That may help you a lot.

 

 

Thanks Love and Hate. I think either continuing to hold or updosing are my options now. If the cancer is back, not much point in maintaining the taper war. I'll want to feel as well as possible so that I can focus on more important things.

 

Oh SS cancer and benzos can go EFF themselves. I hate this! I so hope that you don't get bad news in 2 weeks. I am crying for you and me both. I'm having body pain all over, especially in my lower spine and I worry that mine is back too. I see my oncologist in a few weeks for a routine checkup, I suppose I will talk with her. I don't know how to tell the difference from withdrawal and cancer symptoms.

[[so...]]

Hope, your cancer is NOT back. They caught it early and got it all. Your aches and pains are the benzos. This crap drug messes with every system in the body.

 

We're just super unlucky to get slammed with both of these shitty problems simultaneously. It's really hard. But you're going to get through this, girl!

[[Ho...]]

Hope, your cancer is NOT back. They caught it early and got it all. Your aches and pains are the benzos. This crap drug messes with every system in the body.

 

We're just super unlucky to get slammed with both of these shitty problems simultaneously. It's really hard. But you're going to get through this, girl!

 

Thank you friend! I'm having all these intrusive thoughts with this cut. Before I've been able to push the cancer out of my mind but not so this time. I'll keep plugging away. Thanks for the encouragement!

[[so...]]

[[lo...]]

Love and Hate, thanks for the response. Sorry your updose wasn't good for you. Sounds pretty crummy. I hope things get better.

 

No problem, and thanks! I made the post sound a bit dramatic, but my updose was definitely needed. I was having a smooth 6-12% a month taper until I went and did 25% in two weeks, that fcked me over. So, hold if you need to, don't feel bad about that.

 

But also, consider the fact your last few cuts have been in the 8% range per 3 weeks. perhaps try 2% a week? or something a little more gradual? That may help you a lot.

 

 

Thanks Love and Hate. I think either continuing to hold or updosing are my options now. If the cancer is back, not much point in maintaining the taper war. I'll want to feel as well as possible so that I can focus on more important things.

 

True. I can't imagine that anxiety on top of an already devastating benzo anxiety. Best of luck with whatever you choose to do, we are here to help!

[[bl...]]

To original poster I successfully reinstated and updosed it took 11 weeks to stabilise before starting to taper in november but now have had only 7 bad days in 3 months and only 2 of those were nonfunctional. See my blog for details I am back at work full time since December.

[[so...]]

Thanks Blaggybum, I will take a look at your history. Good to know of another successful updose story. Leaning toward the updose myself...

 

And thanks Love and Hate - this is good group of people supporting each other through this shit storm.