Anyone had a setback that caused a re-emergence of dp/dr and mental symptoms

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I stupidly took a a stimulant at 13 mo. Out and it caused an intense dp/dr emergence which had been completely gone for 9 mos.  I've improved a lot over the last five weeks but it's like I can't break all the way through to the other side of the dp/dr.  It's like I'm 50% through what I call the wall.  No improvement over last 12 days.  First three weeks I saw steady improvement and was sure it was on it's way out because of past experience.  Now instead of intense derealisation it's just that dr brain fog but it's not lifting.  Last time I had a wave of it it only lasted a week.  In acute it laste maybe 1.5-2 mos. Any insight would be appreciated. 

[[Ex...]]

Yes! I've been dealing with it for about 3 weeks now. I didn't take any meds or anything, it just happened right before I hit my 6th month. Mine was very intense and it started to let up, and I'm stuck at that 50% place as well. So now I'm walking around in a brain fog, and I'm praying it lets up soon. In the morning it's worst and then it lets up later in the day. I do have windows of time where it goes away, but it comes right back. I'm sure it's going to let up soon, I pray the same for you.

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Yes. I did. I tried drinking beer at Xmas and the DP/DR and mental symptoms returned. It lasted about a month. I'm only now getting "clearer" and less anxious. I didn't do anything special to heal. I just waited and time took care of the rest. 

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thanks for the replies did you have it before in acute existentially?  Thanks Donnie!

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Yes. I did. I tried drinking beer at Xmas and the DP/DR and mental symptoms returned. It lasted about a month. I'm only now getting "clearer" and less anxious. I didn't do anything special to heal. I just waited and time took care of the rest. 

what percentage out of it would you say you are?  just curious

[[do...]]

Oh god yes! And yes, I'd be contemplating these existential or unanswerable questions and I'd literally have a panic attack. My brain was so foggy, my visual symptoms so thick, that my confusion so heavy, that any thought that popped in my head that was all neatly decoded and understood by my conscious mind scared the living hell out of me!

 

A Buddie a few weeks back told me that DR/DP is actually the brain's way of protecting itself! So, in a way, I guess I learned to tolerate DP/DR. I never like it, or even appreciate the fact it's my brain's way of protecting itself, but at some point I just said "OK" this is "my new normal" for right now.

 

I'd say I'm back to "normal" after the Xmas Incident. I'm back to my baseline healing rate (or whatever people call it) for 16 months off of Klonopin. I still get DP/DR but it comes along with a wave like it used to along with the pain, nausea and weakness. The DP/DR is not as intense after my setback though. The setback was purely mental along with DR/DP.

 

Just rest assured you didn't set back progress. You may have made the present moment harder, but you'll level out soon.

 

Hang in there buddy!

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Thanks a lot man for the positive words and vibes. Yea I've heard the same thing about DR being the brains way of protecting itself....well I guess lol whatever they say haha.  I hate it man worse than all other symptoms and I've had a lot.  It has improved 50 percent I'd say since it came back.  I describe it like a wall in my brain. Its like I broke through the wall and was crawling out of it but got stuck halfway if that makes since.  I was seeing day to day improvement almost and then none the last 12.  Idk I'm sure I'm sure I'm on my way out of it just sucks in the mean time.  I really do appreciate your positive words brother they made me feel better. 

[[Ex...]]

thanks for the replies did you have it before in acute existentially?  Thanks Donnie!

 

Yes,  I had it in acute, but it was not as intense as this time. This time it seemed hard to function. It was accompanied by dizziness and I couldn't walk a straight line. I was all screwed up. I would say I've come out about 50%, I guess. I can see better, the visual symptoms have gotten better. The mornings are getting better as well. When I first wake up everything is clear, but as I wake up and as my body starts to wake up, I feel it coming on, but as I said, it's not as bad as it was a few weeks ago. I couldn't walk into the stores, and I feared going anywhere by myself. But now that is also improving. I kind of pushed myself to do things that I feared, because I know if I didn't it would take over me and I wouldn't leave the house. so its better.

 

[[Ex...]]

Yes. I did. I tried drinking beer at Xmas and the DP/DR and mental symptoms returned. It lasted about a month. I'm only now getting "clearer" and less anxious. I didn't do anything special to heal. I just waited and time took care of the rest. 

 

This has lasted about a month for me as well. Thanks for posting because I was thinking this has been a very long time, and it started to seem permanent.

[[Ex...]]

Thanks a lot man for the positive words and vibes. Yea I've heard the same thing about DR being the brains way of protecting itself....well I guess lol whatever they say haha.  I hate it man worse than all other symptoms and I've had a lot.  It has improved 50 percent I'd say since it came back.  I describe it like a wall in my brain. Its like I broke through the wall and was crawling out of it but got stuck halfway if that makes since.  I was seeing day to day improvement almost and then none the last 12.  Idk I'm sure I'm sure I'm on my way out of it just sucks in the mean time.  I really do appreciate your positive words brother they made me feel better.

 

Im right there in the half way place with you, so you are not alone. But I'm starting to realize that when I ignore it, or distract myself that it goes away. So I try to keep myself busy so I don't focus on it. It's a challenge, but I'm pretty as work during the week, so that helps. I'm praying we both come out in a few days, and I'm sure we will.

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Yes I agree I distract constantly by pushing myself.  And I feel better when I'm working also or I forget about it easier I should say.  Its funny because it does slightly effect my cognitive abilities but only slightly.  I still talk well and can complete tasks as needed to be productive but sometimes a hard word or memory of a name just wont come to me like it should or as fast as it should and sometimes it doesn't come to me at all. That I feel is the brain fog part of it.  Yea my acute dp/dr was this intense but left at a different pace, nut maybe it didn't and I'm just remembering it differently because at that time I was distracted by so many other symptoms.  This dp/dr wave made my vision symptoms a lot worse especially at the start. Was that the case with your vision existentiallyspeaking?

[[Ex...]]

yes same for me. I don't remember my vision being effected like this during my acute phase. This time, I couldn't drive for a while, because my vision was so bad. It takes me a minute for my eye to focus on. But I guess now I'm getting more used to it, but I do everything I can throughout the day to ignore it, so that it goes away.

 

The brain fog is crazy. It take a while for me to name certain things. Like my brain is slow when dp\dr is at work. I had pulled up to Wendy's the other day, and for the life of me I couldn't remember the name of chili. The guy asked, "can I help you" and I said "yes, can I have ummm, ummm, ummm," I had to ask him to give me a minute. It was crazy. I know I looked so crazy...lol. That happens throughout the day. It's crazy.

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yes same for me. I don't remember my vision being effected like this during my acute phase. This time, I couldn't drive for a while, because my vision was so bad. It takes me a minute for my eye to focus on. But I guess now I'm getting more used to it, but I do everything I can throughout the day to ignore it, so that it goes away.

 

The brain fog is crazy. It take a while for me to name certain things. Like my brain is slow when dp\dr is at work. I had pulled up to Wendy's the other day, and for the life of me I couldn't remember the name of chili. The guy asked, "can I help you" and I said "yes, can I have ummm, ummm, ummm," I had to ask him to give me a minute. It was crazy. I know I looked so crazy...lol. That happens throughout the day. It's crazy.

 

LOL!!!  That Chili story is great I can so relate to that.  Its like I can interact normally but am a couple steps behind my normal sharpness.  I get really frustrated when I can't remember a good word that totally fits what I'm trying to say because I'm normally quick-witted.  For me there are three phases of DP/DR. 

 

1st-super intense-extremely scary nothing is real, totally debilitating and overtakes everything else. It Feels like you are totally an alien zombie with zero connection with life, people, food objects, ect. with a nice touch of dementia.  But at the same time you are completely aware of your situation.  its a living nightmare.

 

2nd-when you first break through the intense phase.  start feeling connection with life again and it no longer totally looks like a weird painting. you're extremely dizzy, spacy and fatigued. Everything moves slowly and wave-like and the disconnection can come back in waves where everything feels super creepy again especially in non familiar places.  You can start to function again.  I saw the most rapid improvement in this phase.

 

3rd-I call this phase the "dead head" or "cement head" phase.  Most of your connection with reality is back.  Things look fairly normal again but the creepy feeling is slightly there and varies in intensity.  you can for the most part function.  However you feel totally hungover all the time with very little emotion. Like you are stuck in the dp/dr wall.  you are almost out but got stuck and cant fully climb through to the other side.  The improvement in this phase can be imperceptible.  It lingers and lingers Then one day you start to realize you are beginning to feel pretty normal again.

 

I feel we are in the third phase.  I use the word your but it could be replaced with I because obviously this was my experience and I can only speak to my own experience.  Both times I've had this, this is how its went and last time I fully came out of it. Is yours similar?  I may copy this and post the phases thing on the forum or in FB group.

[[Ex...]]

Yes, it's  exactly like that, you hit it on the head. I also have lots of low level anxiety when I focus too much on it. The mornings are the hardest, but it gets better. As I work on my anxiety the dp\dr goes away. Right now, I'm about to see my first client of the day, and I have low level anxiety and I'm in that 50% place. As I work with my clients it continues to go away. I will write you back to let you know how it goes. I can already feel my anxiety starting to lessen so, hopefully everything else will follow along. Yes, I think you should post your comment, that could help lots of people, or maybe start a support group and post it there.

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Thanks, let me know.  I'm the same way.  I work with clients too and have appointments throughout the day and yes I totally forget about when I'm interacting and working with the client.

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Hi Exist and Robk,

I've been reading your posts on the DP/DR that you are both experiencing and I am right there with you.  You have described everything that I am currently going through myself. I'm in my 5th month from a CT and while many of my acute symptoms have improved or gone away, this one lingers and drives me crazy. My head feels woozy and heavy and I'm off balance.  Words don't come easily to me either and my vision is off...kind of wonky. It's like I have to work hard to focus on something if I want to see it.  It's usually worst in the morning and into the afternoon and then seems to let up, especially if I'm busy or distracted.  Sometimes in the evening I even feel totally normal but then it is always back in the morning and it starts all over again. In the evenings, when I'm at my best, I can feel hopeful and even happy but every morning I start the day over feeling like I can't face another day of this.  It's a terrible cycle that seems to never end. My question is; does anyone really ever heal from this?  Does anyone get back to being totally, 100% normal and stay that way or are we going to be stuck like this for the rest of our lives ?  I would love to hear from someone who has dealt with this particular, terrible symptom and has fully healed if there is anyone like that out there?

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Yes absolutely.  I healed 100 percent from it.  It only came back because I overdid it in taking a stimulant.  I had taken it before without trouble but then took a high dose, didn't sleep and bam got hit.  But I was completely 100 percent healed from it for 9 months.  It sounds to me like you are in the last phase too and on your way to getting better.  Good vibes your way.

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I also have spoken to tons of people on here who have healed totally from this.

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Thanks Robk,

I appreciate the reassurance and good vibes !  So, was the setback by the stimulant totally unexpected?  That's another thing I'm afraid of...that I'll unknowingly do something to cause a setback if I get better.  Like drinking something with caffeine in it that I was not aware of etc... I feel like I will be on edge for the rest of my life just waiting and watching for a symptom to reappear and throw me back into WD hell.  Will we ever be  free and able to just relax and get on with life or will this be a black cloud hanging over us forever?  Sorry for the gloom and doom....it's just that kind of day.

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No I hear ya.  That does suck about this that you'll always worry.  But in my case this was a powerful stimulant adderall.  Basically legal speed.  And I overdid it and took a big dose with not having a tolerance to it at all.  So I did it to myself.  Caffeine won't mess you up nor will normal stuff unless you are taking it abnormally like tons of caffeine for a long period of time.  I drank coffee before with no probs. And now in this wave I drink hot tea so I don't get caffeine withdrawals.  Time will heal.  For me I think my CNS will always be sensitive and I will have to be extremely careful with meds for my whole life.  But that's okay as long as I heal.  It could be worse.

[[Ex...]]

Thanks, let me know.  I'm the same way.  I work with clients too and have appointments throughout the day and yes I totally forget about when I'm interacting and working with the client.

 

So I finished with my client and now I'm more relaxed and things have improved. This happens everyday. By 5pm. I'm usually back to normal for a while. I just have to make sure to eat, because if I dont I notice my body gets tensed, my chest gets tight, and then here comes the anxiety. So I've learned to notice the signs.

 

Working with my clients help so much. I love a day when I have clients back to back, then that means I'm only focused on them, as my brain continues to heal. It's kind of like cheating the withdrawals....lol. I can still heal, but not focus on it.

 

Robk, I'm a psychotherapist. What do you do, if you dont mind me asking?

[[Ex...]]

Hi Exist and Robk,

I've been reading your posts on the DP/DR that you are both experiencing and I am right there with you.  You have described everything that I am currently going through myself. I'm in my 5th month from a CT and while many of my acute symptoms have improved or gone away, this one lingers and drives me crazy. My head feels woozy and heavy and I'm off balance.  Words don't come easily to me either and my vision is off...kind of wonky. It's like I have to work hard to focus on something if I want to see it.  It's usually worst in the morning and into the afternoon and then seems to let up, especially if I'm busy or distracted.  Sometimes in the evening I even feel totally normal but then it is always back in the morning and it starts all over again. In the evenings, when I'm at my best, I can feel hopeful and even happy but every morning I start the day over feeling like I can't face another day of this.  It's a terrible cycle that seems to never end. My question is; does anyone really ever heal from this?  Does anyone get back to being totally, 100% normal and stay that way or are we going to be stuck like this for the rest of our lives ?  I would love to hear from someone who has dealt with this particular, terrible symptom and has fully healed if there is anyone like that out there?

 

Black,

 

I know it does not look like it, but you are already healing, and yes you will heal 100%. I had this when I first jumped, and then it went away for a few months and then it came back. From what I've read, the 5th and 6th month is when healing takes places the most. It will take time, but you have to wait it out. One thing I do is make sure to eat plenty of protein in the moring to help my body balance out, drink plenty of water, and I also drink tea all day. The tea I drink is a anxiety relief tea, and that usually keeps me calm throughout the day. I sometimes take magnesium, or L-theanine which helps to with anxiety as well. That's about all I do, oh also get some exercise.

 

The best thing is keeping yourself busy, and distracting yourself so you won't focus on it all day. That seems to help the most. I've read other's stories about dealing with this and they all healed up, and so will we. Just give it time, and remember you are not alone, we are right there with you.

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I'm an insurance broker...a little different haha. I'll pm you exist.  I agree about keeping busy especially with dp/dr.  Interaction with people can be extremely grounding.  However,  depending on the intensity of the dp/dr and the severity and type of other symptoms, especially physical ones like pain and numbness etc.  this may not be possible.  But if at all possible get out and try to do stuff even if it feels bad.

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well, I was feeling much better after being off of clonazepam for 6 months, and then I decided to face up to the fact that I needed to taper off of "risperdal" which is an antipsychotic I was put on during "tolerance w/d" a few years ago.  It was another dangerous drug that was simply positioned to me as a very safe, "mood stabilizer".

 

Anyway, I tapered off of that, and during my taper I got to get all of those lovely "head symptoms" back, including even more cog fog, memory loss, headaches, etc... that really sucked to get those symptoms back again!

 

It's been 10.5 months off of clonazepam and about 3.5 months off of risperdal, and I've had only a few windows, which I have to say, were absolutely glorious - even better than previous windows, when I was still on risperdal..

 

On another note, I've been lucky in that I haven't had much food sensitivity, other than getting bloated from eating "breads", but I did have take out Chinese food once, and I noticed a significant ramp up in anxiety, etc.. Also, I've been on 2 courses of antibiotics that haven't treated me all that well.

[[Ex...]]

So today, I'm about 60% through it all. How are you guys doing today with your dp\dr? It's still here, but  I can  see its lifted a little more. The process is so slow, but I'm grateful.