is it withdarawal or just me??

[[wa...]]

Hello everyone im new to the forum. I was rx clonazepam from 2008-2013 (roughly) basically i was on these horrible things for about 3 years and when my rx ended, my doctor moved and i also moved to another state. so for the remainder i took friends xanax, my own mom even brought me bags of attivan/clonazepam from my step dads cabinet that he didn't take. sometime between march-june of 2013 the xanax i was getting here and there from a friend no longer worked. that was the last time i can remember taking a benzo. from there i started self medicating with seroquel just to help me sleep for the next year. He was stealing them from his ex's pschizophrenic diagnosed brother for me, for close to a year basically it wasn't something that could go on and december of 2014 was the last 400mg bar that he could get me. i've been off benzos for close to three years  now. I quit drinking alcohol and all meds, even antihistamines for fear this would destroy my road to recovery. When i tried to cold turkey in 2013 from my friends xanax, i wound up staying awake for 4 days, after a trip to the ER they just put me in a rehab clinic where i was given trazadone, atarax, and various other ssri to try (none of them worked for sleep). when i got home i basically went back to my friend's xanax...crazy i know! i still drank alcohol here and there and many many different herbal supplements through 2015 but like i said since January (roughly) of 2016 i have been completely sober. I exercise everyday and walk everywhere because i do not have a car. I don't generally have trouble falling asleep anymore but i wake all the time after 4-5 hours sometimes less, and its so difficult hit or miss that i get back off to sleep. this actually started happening while i was still on clonazepam and i knew this wasn't right, i would have to take another just to go back to sleep! I can remember even my pre-drug days i would wake after 5 or 6 hours on occasion and have trouble going back from anxiety, especially in college. but these days its every night!  im 37 years old now and im scared that my brain will never get better from this. i was on benzos and pills for 5 years, so will it take me 5 years to get better? im so afraid that time will not even help me. ://  i know the drinking probably set me back as well as the herbs, i just didn't know any better! Advice please anyone!

[[me...]]

Welcome to the forum!  We're glad to have you as a new member.  Healing from this experience can take a lot longer than we'd like, but even people who have abused benzos can heal in time.  The key is to stay off benzos from now on, which may not be easy but it can be done.  I was on xanax 13 years and successfully withdrew after my third try.  I finally healed at two years off, and have been off almost 5 years now. 

 

You'll find plenty of information and support here.  Our members have gone through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to see  people who understand what you're going through and can tell you what has worked for them.  For those who are currently tapering, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days, and some taper even slower than that.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster than that.  Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a month or so after discontinuing the medication.  The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia, but these are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Post Withdrawal Support Board

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms in Chapter III, and there is also a section with withdrawal/taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

 

[[wa...]]

Thank you for the kind words megan. But i have not touched a benzo since some time in 2013! I have drank heavily since quitting and i never tapered. I stopped alcohol and all herbs since beginning of 2016. I exercise everyday and yet im still getting middle insomnia, jerks, and recently nightmares that wake me up and i feel so sad i want to cry before going back to sleep!

[[...]]

just to let you know it is quite normal to wake up during the night several times at least, especially after a sleep cycle when the sleep is the lightest. people often think that they must sleep the whole night through and if they don't then worry about it when they awaken and hence have difficulty dropping off again. honestly i think you have done really well to get to where you are.. maybe some of your symptoms are not withdrawal specific, i mean no doubt they started out that way but years later these symptoms might be maintained by other factors, eg. fear of not sleeping, stress, lifestyle factors etc. etc.. not sure if you can access a psychologist? they might be able to help you discover those factors that are playing a role in your distress.. participating in relaxing activities, and adopting mindfulness/acceptance will also help

[[wa...]]

1966,

      Youre so right! I remind myself that i actually would wake up a lot before i ever took meds. But i dont quite remember waking up after 4-5 hours every night like i do now. I mean like you said, could be any number of things like age, stress, drinking too much water, etc. Thank you so much for the kind words friend! How are you holding up??

[[...]]

waking up only after 4-5 hours is actually really good - nothing at all to worry about..

 

even before my ordeal started i would wake up at least 3 times per night which was fine as i would get back to sleep immediately.

 

as for progress: i am doing better, sleep starting to improve but it is often very broken..

 

good luck 

 

1966,

      Youre so right! I remind myself that i actually would wake up a lot before i ever took meds. But i dont quite remember waking up after 4-5 hours every night like i do now. I mean like you said, could be any number of things like age, stress, drinking too much water, etc. Thank you so much for the kind words friend! How are you holding up??

[[Bm...]]

You are on the right path in my opinion. Get off all the stuff including alcohol that can affect your Central Nervous System and let it heal. It's not going to be the most comfortable ride but your CNS will recover in time.