need to move...faced with anxiety...not sure what to do...

[[be...]]

The good news: I have made it halfway there. I am down to 0.5 mg K.

 

The bad news: A wave of anxiety has struck me like a ton of bricks since Monday.

 

The anxiety came as a result of a stressful event that is moving. I need to move out of my apartment by the end of the month. The problem is that I have agoraphobia and well... it's been hell.

 

This is a pattern that has appeared in the past that has prevented me from making life choices like work or a finding new place to live. I would make it as far as getting the job and finding an apartment but then would not show up or cancel because of intense anxiety.

 

So here I am faced with it again. I need to move out but my brain is shutting it down because of intense anxiety which is a problem. I cannot function like this anymore. I need to make a decision.

 

I can either cancel the move which will relive my anxiety temporarily but not going to solve the problem. I still need to move out by the end of the month.

 

Or I can take lorazepam which could relieve the anxiety making the move somewhat possible but then all the work I had done tapering down is ruined. Also there is no guarantee that it will relive the anxiety due to tolerance.

 

I am leaning toward the first option. To cancel this move for now and give myself a break. I still have time until the end of the month and I need to make decision with a clear mind. Perhaps I can start moving my stuff into storage in the meantime.

 

Please share with me your thoughts.

[[Tw...]]

So do you think it's going to better if you wait to move or will there just be more stress the longer you wait? I was just in your spot 3 months ago when I had to move as well. It sucked and I felt awful but like every other day, I made it through. Don't updose to move. All that hard work shouldn't be messed with for sure.

[[be...]]

The stress of longer wait is nothing compared to the unbearable agoraphobia. My number one priority is to be benzo free, so if I have to use avoidance instead of updosing then be it. I will deal with the avoidance problem once I'm free of this awful poison.

[[Tw...]]

Yeah anxiety is one thing but agoraphobia and anxiety is a whole other level of suck. Best of luck

[[Ca...]]

Tough spot for sure... -will u b finished ur taper and feeling much better by the end of the month??

Can u chip away at it, or get some help?

Im not sure, but if u do the best u can, either way, u know u tried...

I can sorta relate a little, - i missed out on a fantastic property, because i just couldnt face the move...

I hope u manage to do whats best for you...

 

[[Tr...]]

Moving is so stressful, there's just so much to deal with it can be overwhelming. I find it best to break everything down into manageable tasks and try to tackle them over time. I was overwhelmed when I had to move after my divorce but took everything step-by-step and am happy to now live in a new apartment that I can share with my daughters.

 

Maybe there's a third way? Do you have a new apartment to move to and the anxiety is from having to pack? Or do you have to find the new apartment?

[[be...]]

I'm extremely agoraphobic these days. Was ok for a bit and now it's back so I do understand it. Moving is stressful even when you feel well but for me if you have to be out by the end of the month try to pack piece by piece and tell yourself this has to be done. This is anticipatory anxiety at its worst. Makes normal anxiety look like a piece of cake.  You'll feel incredible when it's over and done. Absolutely incredible. It won't go away by putting the move off...it never does in fact usually make things worse. Updosing would in all likelihood not even work and you'd regret it more than moving ten times. You'll be shocked at how well you'll get through this. Step by positive step. Last Christmas I was in a position where I simply had to go to my daughter's for Christmas or be denied the right to see my grandkids. I was in a complete state of fear. I went. It was one of the best days I'd had in ages. I totally forgot to even take my pills. I felt wonderful being there and when I got home was exhilarated for days. I feel the same way after every doctor's appointment etc. Wonderful but yet petrified to go. Anticipatory anxiety is dreadful but you can do this. Anticipate the enjoyment of a new apartment. You'll have tons of distractions unpacking and setting up your new place. B

[[be...]]

Since it's been only a couple of days since my last cut I decided to go back to 0.563 and hold until I stabilize. I can't do much right now but recover from this latest wave and then take it day by day. I am planing to start moving my stuff into storage as soon as I regain my strength. I've already been having tough time with withdrawal and this latest wave has knocked me down for a bit.

 

Moving is a stressful event but when you have agoraphobia it's especially difficult. I had bad agoraphobia before benzos so I know all about this disorder. However, dealing with agoraphobia while on benzo withdrawal is something new, but from what I learned in the past the key to recovery is gradual exposure. Therefore I will need to take things at a slow and gradual pace. There is just no other way.

[[be...]]

If that's what you need then that's what you need. Whatever works. Step by step. good luck. B

[[mm...]]

Love and strength to you. Can switch to valium? easier to cut it. Also when you feel pain maybe it is from your inner child, I find comforting the inner child (who is scared and has no idea what is going on might help?)

[[mm...]]

Also if you think of ways to make your new place just like this one, maybe even the same that might help, realizing it is just as safe, picture key Items in your new place and even some improvements to make the new place more comfortable than the place you have now!

[[be...]]

Avoidance to me is harmful but moving is very difficult too. Put it together with severe agoraphobia it is an huge problem. Nevertheless if you've decided bit by bit into storage and it's what you feel is right it's probably right. You're state of mind belongs to you so getting that straight comes first. Personally I wouldn't opt for a switch to Valium but others have been successful. I found it much too sedating and such a long taper. But it is an option. Thing is as hard as this is for you to understand right now it's more than possible it's actually the drug, not you, causing the anxiety, weakness and the agoraphobia. It tricks us. I was never agoraphobic before benzos. That came with the benzos oddly enough. But you're making small cuts so that's wise. But you did say you had to be out in a month. Maybe not. I don't go near my inner self in these states. Why borrow trouble unless you happen to really like your inner self and to be honest on benzos I think getting off them is to find our inner selves again which requires some very clear thinking. Your intuition is to do the storage route for now. So you have a plan. That's terrific. Let the rest of the plan unfold as you go along and feel stronger. B

[[mm...]]

Good advice too.

[[be...]]

Thank you for all your kind suggestions and support.

 

I got a storage unit today and will be moving my stuff there until the end of the month. Meanwhile, I will keep looking for a place, but if I don't find one by the end of the month then I will be going to a motel.

I feel a bit better now but the agoraphobia is troubling and upsetting. I wish I could just move anywhere, but if I move someplace outside of my comfort area the severe anxiety is just shutting me down.

 

It is what it is. I need to accept this to move on. I am going to hold on 0.563 K until I am moved out and settled. I don't think switching to valium right now is a good idea. I already have fatigue from benzo w/d but it could be an option for later.

 

The most important challenge for me right now is to not to updose or reinstate. When I am hit with a wave of intense anxiety I can't think clearly. My mind shuts down and all I want is relief. This is a problem because when I don't think clearly I am at a higher risk to do something stupid like updose. Thankfully I have not and hopefully will not do that.

 

For those who do experience high levels of distress, what has helped you to not reach for the benzos for relief? Mindfulness and meditation do not work for me in high anxiety because my mind can't focus on anything. Supplements/herbs sometimes work but I suspect they are more of a placebo than anything.

 

[[mm...]]

When I can meditate, I always picture myself as a little child or baby because of some issues and I had when I was younger and icon for him and play with him and love him as maybe he was missing this when he was younger and this is the pain that is coming out

[[be...]]

I am still having difficult time finding a new apartment with my agoraphobia. If I can't find a place by Tuesday I will be moving to a motel. I have been moving my stuff into storage but this process is slow because of fatigue. It is a struggle. I have little rest during the night and during the day I am driving around looking for apartments while moving as much stuff into storage as I can.

 

I am holding at 0.563 K but I am having difficult time managing my anxiety because of the agoraphobia. The only things that helped in the past with severe anxiety were benzos and avoidance. Meditation / Mindfulness / Supplements sometimes help with low to medium anxiety. However when I have severe anxiety I can't function and I just want to get relief.

 

I don't want to updose but I don't know how long I can keep up with this avoidance. It is putting me into more debt and causing me more stress. I just want to be able to function and dial down my hyperactive nervous system, but nothing else works other than the benzos and avoidance.

 

I am going to try and keep holding and not updosing. But what do you do when you are hit with a stressful event that just fires up your nervous system that is already messed up from this stupid withdrawal?

[[Ca...]]

U need to move, u need releif... you cant function. Avoidance isnt an option...

What was left..? Sounds like a viable reason to updose to me... Then you can get back on with your taper, in a much better frame of mind... your choice to consider...

Wishing you much strength...

 

[[be...]]

I think that avoidance is still an option. I can stay in a motel until I find a place that "feels right". Of course this approach is not helping my agoraphobia, but if the alternative is updosing than I will take the avoidance. My number one priority is to be free from benzos. The cost of avoidance seems to be less than the cost of updosing. In addition, updosing may not even work due to tolerance.

[[Ca...]]

Sounds like a plan then...

just wanted to be sure we were talking about the same updose... I was talking about short term, while u got what u needed to do, done...

But if u can do it another way that your happy with, so much the better...

Great that you are looking at options and planning... not so sure how i would go having to move... its no small thing...

Best wishes...