7 monrhs

[[Tr...]]

I can't believe I made it to 7 months. It has been a long and difficult experience. I am glad I made it this far, unfortunately I still have a lot of symptoms everyday. I have been having partial windows and waves, sometimes within a day. Below are my symptoms:

 

Panic attacks. Recently I am better at coping with the panic attacks and they are not as intense. 30-40% better

Dizziness. Still very severe. Notice 20-30% better

Shortest of breath. 40% better

Headache/head pressure. Comes and go. 20% better

Worry/ruminating thoughts: 10% better. These make my head aches sometimes. This is my hardest symptom

Fatigue. No energy, still very tired everyday.

Dp/Dr 20 % better. Still very bad.

Numbness/hands sweating/tingly. 20% better. I get this when I have panic attacks

Chest pains have been manageable lately. 20% better.

Feelings of hopelessness, depression. Still bad. 10% better.

 

I am sorry do not mean to give a negative 7 months update but this is how I currently feel. So its not really celebrating. It is celebrate that I made to 7 months, but I do not feel any better much.

 

Tracy

 

[[Re...]]

[glow=red,2,300]Congratulations on 7 months Tracey!!

 

Good job , keep going  and keep fighting ![/glow]

[[Tr...]]

[glow=red,2,300]Congratulations on 7 months Tracey!!

 

Good job , keep going  and keep fighting ![/glow]

 

Thanks Remy. I appreciate it. How do you make the phone so big like that?

Tracy

[[Tr...]]

font I mean, typo sorry. I was so hopeless a bit ago. I thought to myself "I don't know if I can go on for more months". I am working full time and taking 2 night classes. I registered for 3 classes but dropped one. So now its two, today I was so stress, thinking of dropping one, but then I took two classes last semester after I jumped so I figure I should take 2. I just feel bad for my fiance to drive me to school and doctor appointments. I drive to work but I get really tired driving to many places , I get scared. I feel useless sometimes.

 

 

[[Re...]]

[glow=red,2,300]Congratulations on 7 months Tracey!!

 

Good job , keep going  and keep fighting ![/glow]

 

Thanks Remy. I appreciate it. How do you make the phone so big like that?

Tracy

 

 

Anytime Tracey , I really hope you get some relief soon. For me I didn't really notice I had turned a corner till the end of month 8 . Then I looked back and realized things weren't as bad as they had been, It was very subtle.

 

There is a bunch of option for the font above all the emojis , when your posting a reply .

[[Tr...]]

[glow=red,2,300]Congratulations on 7 months Tracey!!

 

Good job , keep going  and keep fighting ![/glow]

 

Thanks Remy. I appreciate it. How do you make the phone so big like that?

Tracy

 

After you notice a turn corner at month 8, did it continue better from there? like a big change. You just knew that its a big corner? There for few times I thought I was getting better and no waves but always turned out with some waves coming on me. I notice you only took benzo for 15 months, I took them for 10 years.

 

TRacy

 

 

Anytime Tracey , I really hope you get some relief soon. For me I didn't really notice I had turned a corner till the end of month 8 . Then I looked back and realized things weren't as bad as they had been, It was very subtle.

 

There is a bunch of option for the font above all the emojis , when your posting a reply .

[[Re...]]

 

 

Thanks Remy. I appreciate it. How do you make the phone so big like that?

Tracy

 

After you notice a turn corner at month 8, did it continue better from there? like a big change. You just knew that its a big corner? There for few times I thought I was getting better and no waves but always turned out with some waves coming on me. I notice you only took benzo for 15 months, I took them for 10 years.

 

TRacy

 

 

 

Thats a good question that I can't really answer just yet, since I am only a couple weeks into month 8. I also wasn't really sleeping too much until month 7, so i think that has contributed a ton to how much better I am feeling ( sleep deprivation will make even healthy people unwell).

 

Some people say your time on benzos plays a huge factor but I believe it is more of our genetic make up and how quickly our personal brain can heal itself. There are tons of people who were on 4x the amount of benzos  I was on and also on for 10-20 years and still  healed faster than me. At the rate I have been going I am still looking at 18 months minimum.

[[Tr...]]

 

 

Thanks Remy. I appreciate it. How do you make the phone so big like that?

Tracy

 

After you notice a turn corner at month 8, did it continue better from there? like a big change. You just knew that its a big corner? There for few times I thought I was getting better and no waves but always turned out with some waves coming on me. I notice you only took benzo for 15 months, I took them for 10 years.

 

TRacy

 

 

 

Thats a good question that I can't really answer just yet, since I am only a couple weeks into month 8. I also wasn't really sleeping too much until month 7, so i think that has contributed a ton to how much better I am feeling ( sleep deprivation will make even healthy people unwell).

 

Some people say your time on benzos plays a huge factor but I believe it is more of our genetic make up and how quickly our personal brain can heal itself. There are tons of people who were on 4x the amount of benzos  I was on and also on for 10-20 years and still  healed faster than me. At the rate I have been going I am still looking at 18 months minimum.

 

I understand , at the rate I'm going , I'm looking forward to 12 -18 months, but we will see. I try to think positive and hopeful. I have been doing meditation and belly breathing exercises for one week. As soon as I got home from work I would go straight to do meditation for 20 minutes and belly breathing for 10 minutes . I'm trying to do in the morning too but not able to do so because I work early . It has helped and calm my panic attacks a bit. I also do belly breathing within the days when I remember or when I notice panic attacks are coming. It has helped a bit . I believe if I discipline myself to do this it will help me with stress And panic attacks . Going try to do yoga on the weekend too. I also going drop one class. My health is more important now. Other things can be postponed.

 

Let hope we heal soon or at least much better soon.

[[Tr...]]

Remy,

 

I forgot to ask . I'm struggling with ruminations and worry thoughts all day , every minute. Did meditation hell you on that symtom too?

 

Tracy

[[Re...]]

Yes meditation and especially mindfulness helped me with this. By not attaching emotions to these thoughts and just letting them come and go. My ruminations come from my intrusive thoughts, is that how it is for you as well Tracey?

[[Tr...]]

Yes meditation and especially mindfulness helped me with this. By not attaching emotions to these thoughts and just letting them come and go. My ruminations come from my intrusive thoughts, is that how it is for you as well Tracey?

 

I'm not sure. Let me try to explain . I have ruminations for example with someone especially if that person is someone I don't really like , or even if I like. I would think of how I will talk to that person next time, or what would I have done that would be better. Others ruminations such as go over in my head what I need to do tomorrow , after I get off work , look at my phone many times a days to check ....I never really have scary thoughts about anything, no violence thoughts ...,but I do get worry thoughts if I will heal from this benzo ...I have thoughts all over , mostly negative and worry thoughts .

 

Tracy

[[Re...]]

Yes meditation and especially mindfulness helped me with this. By not attaching emotions to these thoughts and just letting them come and go. My ruminations come from my intrusive thoughts, is that how it is for you as well Tracey?

 

I'm not sure. Let me try to explain . I have ruminations for example with someone especially if that person is someone I don't really like , or even if I like. I would think of how I will talk to that person next time, or what would I have done that would be better. Others ruminations such as go over in my head what I need to do tomorrow , after I get off work , look at my phone many times a days to check ....I never really have scary thoughts about anything, no violence thoughts ...,but I do get worry thoughts if I will heal from this benzo ...I have thoughts all over , mostly negative and worry thoughts .

 

Tracy

 

I see, that sounds more like generalized anxiety .

 

Here is a good video you can do multiple times a day , when you get these thoughts take a break at work and listen to this .

 

[[Tr...]]

Yes meditation and especially mindfulness helped me with this. By not attaching emotions to these thoughts and just letting them come and go. My ruminations come from my intrusive thoughts, is that how it is for you as well Tracey?

 

I'm not sure. Let me try to explain . I have ruminations for example with someone especially if that person is someone I don't really like , or even if I like. I would think of how I will talk to that person next time, or what would I have done that would be better. Others ruminations such as go over in my head what I need to do tomorrow , after I get off work , look at my phone many times a days to check ....I never really have scary thoughts about anything, no violence thoughts ...,but I do get worry thoughts if I will heal from this benzo ...I have thoughts all over , mostly negative and worry thoughts .

 

Tracy

 

I see, that sounds more like generalized anxiety .

 

Here is a good video you can do multiple times a day , when you get these thoughts take a break at work and listen to this .

 

https://youtu.be/HT_ZvD94_kEals

 

Thanks will definitely check it out. Thoughts seem to stick to my mind when they enter my head.

[[Re...]]

Yeah withdrawal can cause some crazy OCD sometimes. I hate when it happens. I had it at insane levels for a month straight from benzo withdrawal. Now it comes in random bursts.

[[Tr...]]

Yeah withdrawal can cause some crazy OCD sometimes. I hate when it happens. I had it at insane levels for a month straight from benzo withdrawal. Now it comes in random bursts.

 

Yes, withdrawal does intensify my anxiety and OCD thoughts. It started WHILE I was on benzos.  I was having full blown panic attack at work then instead of scared of them like I used to, I decided that I need to do something different. I started by saying "This is just panic attacks from benzo withdrawal...It will not kill me, it just making me fearful...I have done it for SEVEN months already I can do this...ITs not dangerous...etc."...Then it got calmed a bit but then worse again and I kept doing that. I Realized that this is going to take a while and I don't need to suffer and realize this is me for now with all these symptoms, I have to live with them before I got better. Then I thoughts about all the thoughts that when I get better.  I have to change my perspective regarding this. I felt I have been living in a TRAP for 7 months and I need to break it by accepting all these and not let it control my life as it has been .

 

Tracy

[[Re...]]

Yeah withdrawal can cause some crazy OCD sometimes. I hate when it happens. I had it at insane levels for a month straight from benzo withdrawal. Now it comes in random bursts.

 

Yes, withdrawal does intensify my anxiety and OCD thoughts. It started WHILE I was on benzos.  I was having full blown panic attack at work then instead of scared of them like I used to, I decided that I need to do something different. I started by saying "This is just panic attacks from benzo withdrawal...It will not kill me, it just making me fearful...I have done it for SEVEN months already I can do this...ITs not dangerous...etc."...Then it got calmed a bit but then worse again and I kept doing that. I Realized that this is going to take a while and I don't need to suffer and realize this is me for now with all these symptoms, I have to live with them before I got better. Then I thoughts about all the thoughts that when I get better.  I have to change my perspective regarding this. I felt I have been living in a TRAP for 7 months and I need to break it by accepting all these and not let it control my life as it has been .

 

Tracy

 

That is inspirational Tracey, the fact you can power through this all and work is amazing.  I worked all the way through my taper except the last few weeks. Things got really bad for me around that time. I remember the day I decided I couldn't work anymore. I was setting the bar up for A wedding I was bartending and I was walking out to the work vehicle and the room literally started spinning ( clockwise) . I became so disoriented it sent me into a horrible panic attack .

 

After/during  that episode I sat outside trying to calm myself down, by sitting by the water . I couldn't calm down and I told my boss I couldn't work anymore after that day. I remember driving home and pulling over because my panic was through the roof and I started to cry. At that point I didn't even know what I was experiencing was benzo withdrawel, I thought I was just losing my mind.  Then I decided I needed to get off klonopin faster and ended up jumping shortly after that. Sadley things only got worse and worse after that.

 

Sorry for getting off topic , bottom line Though your story inspires me that I'll be able to go back to working soon .

 

[[Tr...]]

Yeah withdrawal can cause some crazy OCD sometimes. I hate when it happens. I had it at insane levels for a month straight from benzo withdrawal. Now it comes in random bursts.

 

Yes, withdrawal does intensify my anxiety and OCD thoughts. It started WHILE I was on benzos.  I was having full blown panic attack at work then instead of scared of them like I used to, I decided that I need to do something different. I started by saying "This is just panic attacks from benzo withdrawal...It will not kill me, it just making me fearful...I have done it for SEVEN months already I can do this...ITs not dangerous...etc."...Then it got calmed a bit but then worse again and I kept doing that. I Realized that this is going to take a while and I don't need to suffer and realize this is me for now with all these symptoms, I have to live with them before I got better. Then I thoughts about all the thoughts that when I get better.  I have to change my perspective regarding this. I felt I have been living in a TRAP for 7 months and I need to break it by accepting all these and not let it control my life as it has been .

 

Tracy

 

That is inspirational Tracey, the fact you can power through this all and work is amazing.  I worked all the way through my taper except the last few weeks. Things got really bad for me around that time. I remember the day I decided I couldn't work anymore. I was setting the bar up for A wedding I was bartending and I was walking out to the work vehicle and the room literally started spinning ( clockwise) . I became so disoriented it sent me into a horrible panic attack .

 

After/during  that episode I sat outside trying to calm myself down, by sitting by the water . I couldn't calm down and I told my boss I couldn't work anymore after that day. I remember driving home and pulling over because my panic was through the roof and I started to cry. At that point I didn't even know what I was experiencing was benzo withdrawel, I thought I was just losing my mind.  Then I decided I needed to get off klonopin faster and ended up jumping shortly after that. Sadley things only got worse and worse after that.

 

Sorry for getting off topic , bottom line Though your story inspires me that I'll be able to go back to working soon .

 

Hi Remy . No need to apologize, your story of panic attacks sounded a lot like mine many times. I haven't had panic attacks today that it feels weird 😃.  I have been having it so much it's like lunch and dinner. I feel better today 😃 But I still don't see light at the end of the tunnel yet it's still very dark but I'm able to manage with little steps 😃

[[Gi...]]

Congratulations, Tracy--way to go!!!! I remembered we were pretty close in where we were. I just reached 6 mos and am also struggling with depression and a lot of the other stuff you are. Sorry you're still dealing with so many symptoms but it's amazing you've continued to work FT and take two classes--my gosh! That's a HUGE accomplishment!!!

 

Gina