My progress 1 year later- out of acute still tapering- healing happening

[[li...]]

I wanted to post a progress report about 1 year after the day my life changed forever. I wanted to let other people know that even though I am not off, and not 100% better that I am healing and making progress.

 

I was on Ritalin, Wellbutrin and xanax. I was doing great, in fact better than ever. My mom got diagnosed with cancer and my anxiety levels spiked. I started having really bad anxiety after I missed a few doses of the meds when I went to California to visit her. I had no idea that the drugs were causing my behavior to become strange.

 

My doctor recommended that I cold Turkey Ritalin and cut my Xanax dose by 1/2 at the same time. This was a very bad idea. I went into acute and had some of the worst symptoms imaginable

 

I was an athlete , so I thought it was just withdrawal and that I could push through it. I shook every night and had panic attacks constantly for a month. I reinstated my xanax because I knew something was very wrong. It was too intense to fathom.

 

I came off the Ritalin and at this time became disabled. I could barely take a shower, I couldn't think straight. I forgot all my passwords, I thought I would be mentally disabled my whole life. I had pains, nerve sensations. I could barely walk. I lost tons of weight, my blood pressure was spiking.I could not leave the house for more than maybe 1 hour.

 

Slowly over the course of 4-5 months I improved. I became well enough to start tapering the xanax. I have continued to improve while tapering. I am down 2/3 of my original xanax dose.

 

I was able to do lots of good things this year. I kept building my business and learned some new skills.I am nowhere near as active as I was and have felt fatigued most days, but some days I almost felt normal.

 

I went from someone who thought they would never heal and would surely die any day to someone with hope. My body is healing. Even though I'm only at 40%- 70% of my normal wellbeing, I am 1000 times better than I was in those terrible early days only 1 year ago. This journey has made me a better person.

 

I understand what other people with health problems are going through. I have much more compassion. Even though I get scared often and I am still tapering , I am hopeful that my body will continue to heal and if i just take baby steps every day, eventually I will be better. I am hoping for 100% healing one day. It has been slow, a full year now. It has been the longest marathon test of my life.

 

So...when you are in that place and you think you will die or won't make it or won't heal you will. You will get better step by step , day by day. This will make you a stronger person. It is the ultimate test. If you can get through this , you can get through anything. I read stories on here of single parents tapering, and I feel for you. Being a single parent is hard enough, then throw withdrawal on top of it. You are a superhero.

 

You are all superheroes. This is the ultimate test. Its the mental challenge of a lifetime. You will pass. You will overcome.You will heal, we will all heal. Good luck and god bless

[[be...]]

Awesome and inspirational linnie. So great to see posts like this. And yes everyone here in my eyes is a superhero. It's been a very rough road but I know even as I enter my golden years this will make me stronger in the end to enjoy those years to the fullest. I'll be stronger for all of this and never ever take life for granted again. I won't take one minute for granted. Cheers to linnie and all the other superheroes. You're on the road with the rest of us to full recovery. Celebrate. B

[[...]]

Thanks for such positive words. Very encouraging!

[[Fe...]]

Thank you for this positive message!  You are doing great, I'm happy for you!

[[Ge...]]

Thanks for sharing.. very uplifting!  Are you still on Wellbutrin?  Wellbutrin is contraindicated while tapering sedatives and can make symptoms worse.  Take care and look forward to you being 100%!

[[ly...]]

 

 

YAY Linnie!

 

So wonderful to read this.

[[...]]

Thank you for sharing. Very encouraging. Made my day.

[[Ma...]]

You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

[[li...]]

Thanks for all your kind words. As to the wellbutrin, yes, I am still on it, and I do not doubt that it could be adding to any problems. I wanted to also taper it, but I was advised by a D.O. who I really trust not to do it. My nervous system is already too fragile, plus I've been on it for 2-3 years already. I plan to also taper off of it 6 months or so after I finish tapering off benzos.

[[Ge...]]

As to the wellbutrin, yes, I am still on it, and I do not doubt that it could be adding to any problems. I wanted to also taper it, but I was advised by a D.O. who I really trust not to do it. My nervous system is already too fragile, plus I've been on it for 2-3 years already. I plan to also taper off of it 6 months or so after I finish tapering off benzos.

 

Ok. just wanted to be sure you knew.