Someone else completely disabled form wd?

[[Be...]]

Hi, I'm new here, but I see lots of people talking about going camping or driving, etc... I CT K last August (took it for only 9 months) and drastically cut from 200mgs a day to 90, 70, and now on 27.5 mgs. All of this because of two anaphylactic shocks (not benzo related) I had last year. My life has been horrible since then. I was doing a "bit" better, was able to walk on the treadmill, but that's all, and now not even that, I can't go out, taking a shower is like running a marathon, I'm completely disabled, am I the only one?

[[Ma...]]

No. you're not alone. A year ago I was lifting weights and doing cardio everyday now it's hard for me to take a walk. I've lost soo much muscle and strength. My body looks terrible. If I didn't have the doctors test me for a ton of differant things I would swear I had a rare desease or something. Go on wikipedia and lookup benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome. Someone on here told me to read it and it helped me alot. You will see that your symptoms are all common to this withdrawel. It sucks but at some point we will get off and be OK.

[[Be...]]

Thank you Matty, I have lost 55 lbs and I have no muscle at all, my legs are very weak, no way I can even think about going for a walk. This is beyond incredible. I was also tested and everything is fine, I just keep thinking the tests are wrong, I feel so bad, dizzy, vertigo, palpitations just from getting up the bed, feel like my head is about to explode, breathing issues, can't believe this 

[[Ma...]]

It is scary. I have headaches , backpain, my chest hurts, heart races, can't sleep, my memory is shot, i feel like i'm going nuts. Don't think you are alone. Even knowing that these symptoms are normal it doesn't help because pain is still pain. Sometimes I let my head trick me into thinking I have something else wrong with me but that's not good. You need to tell yourself that you're in withdrawal . You're not dying even though it feels like it.

[[Ve...]]

Yup! Same here.

Every symptom you could possibly think of!

And it seems nothing helps, but soon we will be healed.  What benzo and how much?

[[...]]

No you are not the only one. I have great difficulty walking and actually fell just before Christmas. Since then the fear has a grip on me and my trouble and balance issues have escalated and I'm using a walker. My husband helps me shower with a shower seat and stairs are crazy difficult. I was a bit better but the fall along with the poison has an ugly grip on me. I've read many many posts that these issues are common WD sxs. and we will all heal. Of course when we get scared from our sxs our mind takes us to scary places. That's where I am today😥

[[Ma...]]

Klonopin 2.5mg. down to 1.9mg doing liquid taper. Cutting the pills were too big of cuts for me.

[[pf...]]

BeeFree, me too. My friends and family tell me I would feel better and sleep better if I just got more exercise. Yeah, right. Exercise just makes things worse. I'm a shell of my former self and only time will heal. Hang in there.

[[Ma...]]

pf100. Does the gabapentin help? is so what does it help with. Pain or anxiety? I have bottles of it but am afraid to take it.

[[be...]]

Beefree sadly this is very common or at least normal for many. It's very hard to cope with when you feel this way but it does get better. If I'm reading right 200 mg of Valium?  I'm not sure. That's hefty. Valium is often related to these sxs although all benzos can be for sure. Just need to hang on and know that you'll feel better. When? Sorry no answer on that but you will. Don't give up. And Matty gabapentin was given to me for muscle pain which was pretty bad. It works very well for me and an added bonus is that it can help you sleep and reduces anxiety in some people. I took it regularly but more now as needed. So no set dose anymore. I don't find it particularly addictive (it's really not) or habit forming. B

[[Ma...]]

Beefree sadly this is very common or at least normal for many. It's very hard to cope with when you feel this way but it does get better. If I'm reading right 200 mg of Valium?  I'm not sure. That's hefty. Valium is often related to these sxs although all benzos can be for sure. Just need to hang on and know that you'll feel better. When? Sorry no answer on that but you will. Don't give up. And Matty gabapentin was given to me for muscle pain which was pretty bad. It works very well for me and an added bonus is that it can help you sleep and reduces anxiety in some people. I took it regularly but more now as needed. So no set dose anymore. I don't find it particularly addictive (it's really not) or habit forming. B

Thanks B. I'll try the gabapentin. I read it did something with GABA and that scared me. My doctor said it helps with anxiety but she's an idiot. HAHA

[[be...]]

It doesn't look like you did a CT as you continued on Valium. Is that right?  And you did a rapid taper from 200 mg of Valium to 27.5. I guess I am confused. Also, Gabapentin can be very difficult to withdraw from causing benzo like withdrawal symptoms. I personally deeply regret ever starting it after my CT. At three years out I am still on it and only take it so I don't go into withdrawal. We have quite a few members who have joined and that is the medication they were withdrawing from, not benzodiazepines.

[[be...]]

Lol Matty but honestly it does help me with anxiety but not everyone. And be careful what you read. Googling etc can lead you to scary places. My doctor who is not an idiot has used gabapentin for what I imagine are most patients. Very very few have problems coming off of it. If they do they're short lived sxs and mild. If you're in pain it's worth a shot. Hope it works for you. I had debilitating muscle cramps. The gabapentin helped extremely well. B

[[be...]]

bRc that's rough and feel for you. I can take gabapentin or leave it. I wonder if your sxs are partly the CT. I guess we're all different but I'm really lucky I had the gabapentin because my muscles were absolutely so painful I would scream. They'd constrict to the point where you could feel them like you were feeling a very hard rock. They were visible. Now that's going away a lot so I simply don't take the gabapentin unless my muscles act up. Maybe you could try taking off 100 mg every week or two? A shame to be benzo free and stuck with another problematic Med. B

[[pf...]]

pf100. Does the gabapentin help? is so what does it help with. Pain or anxiety? I have bottles of it but am afraid to take it.

 

It helps with the tingling and shocks a little. It really doesn't help with pain or anxiety in my experience, maybe slightly with nerve pain, but not physical pain. It helped me more than it hurt. I found that the longer I took it the less I needed it, if that makes any sense. I've heard it can cause edema, swollen ankles, etc., so that's something to look out for but it never did that to me. Also, for me, it never gave me any type of increase in anxiety or other symptoms to just stop taking it cold turkey either. The greatest use I've found, like I said is for the shooting electric shocks during benzo withdrawal. If you're experiencing that, I'd recommend at least giving it a try. I've read that it improves deep and REM sleep but I'm not a scientist, and it does help sleep somewhat if I take it right before bed but I haven't in quite a while because I'm using other things for that (seroquel sledge-hammer). I personally don't know anyone that regrets taking it unless it didn't help at all and they felt like they wasted their money paying for the prescription. I'm prescribed 4 a day and I have over a thousand 300 mg capsules saved up that I never took. I'm not currently experiencing those brain zaps or shocks but it feels good knowing I have a lot of gabapentin for it if I ever do. And it doesn't seem to work right away for the zaps, I have to take it for a week or so every day for it to really work well for that. Sorry my post seems somewhat incoherent but I'm in withdrawal and can't put a paragraph of sentences together correctly because my thoughts are all over the place. I hope I helped.

[[...]]

Beefree: after reading your post a had to have a look in my "taperjournal". It was like reading a Stephen King novel 😨

After I dropped from 30 mg diazepam down to 15 mg daily my life has been like a horror movie/book.

I have been bedbound, crippling anxiety, severe wd/sxs, overwhelmed by all the feelings of pure fear from h*ll.

I can't take a shower on my own. My husband is holding me while I brush my teeth. Palpation, BP up and down all over the place.

Tremors to the point where I think I'm having parkinson disease.

Washing my long (thinning) hair is like climbing mount everest.

Dry shampoo has become my rescue.

Going camping, driving, take walks. .lol no way I can do that.

I have been a dancer since the age of 6, horseback riding was a joy and something I used to do everyday.

Pilates and yoga was essential for My well being.

 

Now I'm glad if I can do some yoga and not die while doing it.

 

About gabapentin - in Sweden the doctors nowadays think it's like benzo. At least what I have been reading and heard from several docs here.

 

You have made so much progress, from being on a very high dose of diazepam.

Continue whit what works for you.

Diazepam does not make me feel tired at all. Never had.

I take 5 mg three times during the day.

I know that gabapentin helps alot of people here, you might be one of them.

Sorry for my spelling, bad English.  I'm in bad wd and swedish, not a good combination while feeling like crap😕

 

 

Hang in there, you are not alone ☺

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Beefree... add me to the list of non functional... there are odd days i feel a little better, and if i have to go out to Drs or whatever, its bed for 2days, (as oppossed to sitting)

-i exercise the dogs.... -i throw balls of the deck and give a treat when its back... even this is a big effort...  it does help to try to start small things... on occasion i get lucky and sweep a room or whatever... it will get better, but it may, -or may not, take a while... the point is to accept and keep moving slowly in the right direction...

 

Matty,

Gabapentin, imho, both BRC and B are right, which i guess i must explain...

It does work well for many, and some people, including myself need it at times, or even regularly...

My nerve pains are 10/10 pain (but can be weeks apart) -like pulling fishing lures down the inside of my leg, or not so nasty burning at times... also my leg and abdomin get like B describes, and it screws my digestive system up to the point of not working... i take it as needed... and find it sedating and helps with rls and insomnia...

Pre benzo, i took it for years in big, small and one off doses and never a hint of addiction or dependance...

For me, that all changed post benzo, and i can feel its hooks... Either physical or mental (maybe cos it can work so well), is probably not the point... so pls tread careful as u decide how/if u will use it...

I also use lyrica which is sorta similar, -it never worked well at all for nerve issues pre benzo... -now post benzo it works too well to get to like... not only for my nerve issues (which are accident related btw), but for all my benzo sxs too... yes it sounds great, but when i tested it, i found it very hard to stop after only 7 days... so i treat with extreme caution too... -im not sure i would recomend lyrica..

-this is just how i see it. -im sure there are variations...

 

B, -so sorry how the hospital day turned out and how it affected u both... hope they call soon and dont just forget... my thoughts are with u both..

 

 

[[Jo...]]

  I just read an autobiography of Matt Samet.  He is/was a climber who climber 5.13 and 5.14 rocks.  These are the ones where you are under an overhang.  He did this day in and day out, and was extremely fit and strong.  Due to extreme dieting he developed panic attacks, and anxiety disorders and went through a psychiatric whirlwind.  Near the end when he realized the drugs were the problem his Dad had to help him walk the grounds of the psych hospital he was in.  His story is horrendous, but inspiring.  He quit the drugs, with tapering, wrote the book, got married and had one child as of 2013, when the book was published.  And he started climbing again, although he isn't as extreme, mosty due to age. 

[[Be...]]

pf100: I was able to exercise during November-mid December, then I became sicker and I can't exercise anymore, sometimes I get palpitations just from getting up.

 

So sorry that you fell Mena, that's why walking is so scary right now, I'm bedridden now

 

And yes benzobarb, I was on 200+mgs of Valium on an an almost daily basis and on Klonopin for 9 months (2mgs average) I CT the K last August. I was doing better until about a month ago, praying this will go away someday.

[[li...]]

I was pretty much disabled for about 3-4 months. Now I am 40% functional. I feel tired most of the time. I have also lost muscle and stamina. I try to work out lightly once a week, but I feel out of breath even with small movements. I am quite a bit better now than I was those first few months, and I have cut 2/3 of my xanax dose since then. I also look/feel like I have some sort of disease. I often scare myself into thinking its worse than just benzo W/D. Alas.....I have been fortunate to learn a bunch of new skills like gardening from you tube. I just do what I can. I could barely take a shower/ prepare food etc... initially.

[[Be...]]

OMG, I thought I was the only one feeling this bad, taking a shower is so scary too, my legs and arms feel so stiff, like they have a mind of their own. The vertigo and dizziness are also awful, worse during the day because I'm photophobic (pupils dilated). Don't know whetether to ask this, but I read somewhere that they call this a "LSD trip", I have never done LSD, so not sure if this is it. My head is spinning, sometimes I get flashings and the vertigo is horrible.

 

Sorry all of you are experiencing this   It will get better for all of us 

[[Ma...]]

HAHA. I did LSD when I was a teenager and going to gratefuldead concerts. Trust me. This is nothing like an LSD trip. I wish I was on LSD and not klonopin. 

[[be...]]

I did acid as a kid. Credence never sounded better. The best was MDA and Woodstock. Now that was unreal. Those days went by so fast lol probably for the best. But no you're not experiencing anything like when on LSD. Just benzos. Blah! B

[[Be...]]

Thanks for the laughs B and Matty, I'm on this FB group where they all mention that this feels like a "bad LSD trip" .

 

I'm so scared now, my arms and legs feel so rigid, maybe I'm paranoid but someone on the FB group said catatonia might be caused by benzo withdrawal, I'm scared 

[[...]]

Don't be scared. I'd bet that's just your body in a fear state "fight or flight"....when it happens to me my legs freeze and I can't bend my legs.  Try and breat, walk even if just around your house or yard.