3 months off and getting worse! I'm losing my mind

[[Ma...]]

Ok I'm losing my mind and it's getting worse by the day! I honestly feel like I'm dying and having a psycho breakdown! I haven't sleep much at all in the last 5-6 days and my symptoms are scaring me and I'm losing touch with myself and all reality!

 

I'm completely exhausted but I can't sleep and I'm sure that doesn't help but I can't at all! The pressure numbness and pounding in my head face and neck is so bad I guess that mixed with no sleep I can't hardly function at all and I feel like I'm losing my mind! The pressure and pain in my head is so bad I can't hardly stand up and my nervous system is shot and I'm shaking and twitching all over the place!

 

Severe confusion DP/DR to the point of being delirious and not even knowing what's going on so all I can do is grab my head in pain and confusion and say help me lord!

 

The horrible evil intrusive thoughts are getting so bad I'm scaring my self and I have to constantly stay browsing on my phone or try to find something else to occupy my mind to not think the things that are in my head!

 

This is not living at all it's just trying to exist from one minute to the next and I feel like I'm all alone in my own personal torment and there is no help or relief in sight! My mind and body can't take much more I want survive this way for months and months more!

[[Da...]]

This is a super difficult thing to go through. You are at a point in this where it is going to be difficult. All you can is hang in there and ride it out. Your acute phase seems to be lasting longer than mine did, I got some relief from the insomnia and other physical symptoms after about 60 days. We all heal differently but you will start to see improvement probably soon. Hang in there and you should see symptoms starting to improve soon.

[[Ma...]]

That's what everyone keeps saying but 3 months 90 days and no relief and it's actually gotten so much worse over the last week or so to the pony I don't sleep anymore and all these other symptoms have gotten worse! I'm literally sitting here shaking in my bed the physical pain in my head is so bad and it's taking a major toll on my body too!

 

I'm still on the 100mg Zoloft waiting for the doctor to call me in some 50mg tablets so I can start to slowly ween off that but I've been on that almost 3 months now and these symptoms are so unbearable. I honestly feel like I'm dying!

[[Da...]]

I had head pressure for the first two months, but it started to clear up at the beginning of last month. I also know exactly what the psychological sxs are like because I had all of them as a severe reaction to very high doses of Benzos. Mine cleared up pretty quickly once I jumped, and they haven't come back. I can imagine what you're going through though, I know what those things feel like. I was very confused, disoriented and living in a constant state of panic, like a 24/7 panic attack. If I can make it out of that mess, then I am confident you can too. It seems Zoloft isn't doing anything to help you, so discussing tapering that with your doctor seems to be the right move.

 

Some of these things could be Zoloft side effects as well as Benzo WD, it can be hard to tell as many psych meds have both physical and psychological side effects that are identical to Benzo WD sxs. I personally chose to refuse all additional meds, including Seroquel, as I wanted to see if the psych sxs I was getting from the Benzos subsided once I stopped, and they did.

 

It seems to be a physical game for me now, my body is well and truly screwed. I am in pain 24/7 at the moment. My back is killing me, my legs are killing me, my feet ache, my lower abdomen feels like a boiling cauldron. I seem to be in a period hormone related wave right now so am probably not the best one to ask for advice. 

[[Da...]]

Unfortunately that is what it feels like. You wish you were never born. If you go to a doctor or the ER they will say there is nothing wrong with you. None of us have the answers because we went through it too. There is no answer other then you have to ride it out. There is no magic potion.

[[Oo...]]

Loosing your mind after 3 months, that is not a good thing, try to relax and take it as it comes. I am more than 21 months off and still in hell, same symptoms, 24/7 !

[[Ca...]]

I feel your pain.....it is a moment to moment and minute by minute battle, every day.

[[si...]]

This is a hard process, but not impossible.

It is very cruel and we have all been through it.

I know it is hard, but continue to find ways to distract yourself.

As time goes on you become a master at distraction and your symptoms will become less.

Right now your thoughts are your enemy, but just remember this is not you and try and replace them with positive thoughts, as hard as that seems it will help.

 

[[Ma...]]

I just feel like my life is over and there is no escape now and nothing but pain and misery ahead! I have lost 9 months of my life to these drugs and the thing that was saposed to help me has destroyed my life! I took a shower today and looked in the mirror and didn't even recognize the person I saw anymore! I watch everyone else go on living their lives and it's like watching life happen looking from the outside in and being stuck in this unreal horrible situation not being able to do anything or go anywhere and watching my family go about life without me while I'm stuck in my own personal hell that I can't escape from!

 

I've lost me my personality my health my mind and body have been through so much since last May I don't even remember the last time I smiled or had any kind of life or laughed or had hope! J haven't slept much at all over the last week and the insomnia really just got this way recently and I'm losing hope!

 

I don't even know where the time has went since May and can't remember anything but this misery and torment! The pressure numbness burning in my head is so severe I can't hardly function and the confusion DP/DR is so bad along with the intrusive thoughts all I can do is rock back and forth and cry!

 

 

[[Da...]]

All you can about this is take it day by day and minute by minute. If I knew a quick fix to this I would already be doing it instead of here posting. It is terrifying and it sucks. Hang in there you will improve eventually.

[[Ma...]]

I'm trying but hope fades more and more everyday and it's just trying to survive from minute to the next but no relief and no end in sight! I have no quality of life at all and haven't in a really long time and I just don't know if I'll ever be the same or if my mind and body can hold up?

[[Da...]]

Everyone has those same thoughts. We all believe we will never get any better and it is going to kill us. I think that is part of the chemical changes the WD does in our brains. I still believe it all the time but I try to put my rationale mind into it as much as possible. We also believe it is going to kill us. It is the WD talking. It messes us up so back and it costs us so much in the end. We are prisoners of it and there is no way to change that. We have to understand that we will get better one day.

[[Ma...]]

Well the worst part right now is no sleep and exhaustion taking a toll not just on my mind but my body! I haven't sleep now in 24 hours straight and no more than 2 to 3 hours a night for the last week! I can't breath my chest hurts and I've taking my blood pressure about 10 times in the last ten minutes and it's gotten all up to 177/110 and dropped down to 108/68 and heart rate form 58 to 121!

 

I don't know if it's the exhaustion or there's really something wrong with me or I'm dying!

[[Da...]]

My blood pressure was high too, for the first time in my life. My doctor gave me clonidine and it helps keep it down. I was awake 23 hours a day for the longest time but that got a lot better now. The exhaustion messes with your mind and body. There is no denying how hard it really is.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah my blood pressure and heart rate is always good even in the hospital when I was Detox off .75mg it never budged and always was normal everytime they checked it! The sleep has just changes over the last week and my head and blood pressure just starts today after 24 hours with no sleep!

[[Ca...]]

Maize -- Davis is right -- many of us feel the way you describe; and it is brutal, day in and day out with no knowledge of when it will subside.  Some of my sx are new so the fact that you are having insomnia now or spikes in your BP does not mean that anything deadly is happening...just that you have new sx.  Can you speak with your physician about clonadine as it reduces BP and also has a mild calming effect, at least for me -- or something else for sleep?  There is a downside to other meds, as I am sure you know, but it's something you would need to weigh.

 

Do you have things you can do to distract yourself during the day to pass the time?  I just went on POGO recently and started playing Scrabble and card games.  I also walk every day.

 

I have every sx you describe except I am sleeping about six hours a night -- with meds -- and don't have head pressure.  We have all lost a lot from going through this, mentally, physically, financially, socially, etc etc.  It is heartbreaking.  Hang in there and keep posting if that helps you. 

 

Carol

[[Ma...]]

Ty I'm trying and doing my best but the misery and torment on top of no sleep is getting to me bad! I haven't sleep in well over 24 hours now and it's just making it worse!

[[Da...]]

I struggled to sleep last night because I fell to sleep in the early evening. I am having the exact opposite problem, constant drowsiness and lethargy. I would say it's just as miserable as insomnia because you can't physically move to do anything.

 

It seems to swing from one extreme to the other. Insomnia was a paradoxical and acute symptom for me, once I started feeling really unwell it changed into this horrible 24/7 drowsy feeling. This is really bad news for me and now the only thing standing between me and people thinking I am back on Benzos is the addiction agency's drug tests. If this continues after I finish my involvement with them, I'm going to be in serious trouble. I've already been questioned about why I am 'so groggy all the time', is it because I am back on Benzos?. I did myself no favors but now just because I bought the Benzos from 'legal high' vendors online, because I am a 'computer geek' people automatically think I am buying Benzos off the darknet. I am in this shithouse because I stopped using Benzos, and I will never, ever use them again. I really don't want to go back to having 24 hour panic attacks and living in a cloud of fog, that's no life at all. Is it comparable with this, in some ways, in others I often think at least I could walk and leave the house.

 

I know what being completely exhausted feels like because I feel that way no matter how much sleep I get.

 

I personally would be weary of other psych meds, as just like Benzos, they have the potential for side effects and a withdrawal syndrome of their own. If you're worried about blood pressure, you could talk to your doctor about trying a med to reduce it, perhaps one like clonidine as Carol suggested. You could also ask about antihistamines for sleep, many people here use them with no adverse effects.

 

 

[[am...]]

I feel for you. I am exactly where you are except for alot less months. I am longing to feel joy and happiness again. I believe we will. I will pray for you!

[[mo...]]

If you really fear for your safety, you should talk to a doctor. Dellerium is nothing to laugh at. Me and another benzo friend relies on Seroquel and i think its common here. not addicting like benzoes and is heavy duty sleep aid. I might be bias as i take for by bipolar.

 

From a person who been stuck without sleep to another.

[[Vi...]]

I know how you feel. I have this afoul burning terrible headache too. I was crying  for 8 months all the time every day. But now when I feel is really getting worst I put ice on my head or put my head under cold water. Is helps a little. Lately I sit in a warm bath for hrs and is helps for my burning headache, and anxiety too . Is feels like I have terrible anxiety in my head. Everything is irritates me, noises, talking, light exercises. Praying to have some window soon, and praying for you and everybody here for fast recovery.

[[Sh...]]

I'm sorry you are experiencing such difficulty. It's worse than mine but mine is bad enough to know what you are going through.  I'm not off yet but I am down to less than 1/2 a mg.  When things get desperate I ask myself what other viable options there are for me. If I start up again I see two long term outcomes.  One, I can go back on benzo's, in which case I will have to take increasingly larger doses for the rest of my life or; two, I will have to start the whole withdrawal nightmare again.  Realistically I see  only one path that has hope and I think withdrawal is it.  I hope things get at least better enough so that you can see this through.  It may be the hardest thing that you have ever done, but what is  your  long term alternative.

[[Ma...]]

Thank y'all and there is no other alternative it's just very scary and so miserable and the sleep issue over the last week has really taking its toll! I just want to get my life back but that seems so far out of reach and unattainable at this point! I don't know what's gonna happen to me or if I'll ever be the same?