have I lost my mind (third taper)

[[Me...]]

I'm wondering if I have done permanent damage to my brain.  This is my third taper.  I've been on benzo's for 13 years at high doses.  I feel like I'm truly losing control of my mind.  I have sever dp/dr.  Sometimes I feel like I lose all connection with reality.  I have insane intrusive thoughts.  I just FEEL insane.  I know I'm not actually insane or psychotic because I am aware of my crazy brain but I FEEL like I am insane.  I guess it could be thought of as the extreme opposite to feeling grounded.  Will this ever go away?  Can people like myself actually recover?

[[...]]

You haven't lost your mind , trust me , I went through the same and even after my jump , I'm still going through it . They say we should be patient and that we will heal . So please persevere. Wishing you a safe taper and jump .

[[Th...]]

I'm on my third taper as well. Where your previous ones successful? My first was very high doses and I did great. Second taper when I got pregnant not as easy. Third taper has been the worst! My life is more stressful now than the previous times but I do feel it has altered my brain. I have those crazy intrusive thoughts and those really make me feel crazy. My mind drags me to sickening morbid thoughts made for horror movies...some worse. I hate even writing an example. Needless to say I lock my bedroom door when asleep. You are not alone! We will heal  just easier said than done when your in the middle of it.

[[li...]]

Its the drug not you.

 

Or its the withdrawal from the drug not you

 

I acted completely whacko in acute. I was terrified and my body was doing crazy, crazy things. I felt awful.

People who witnessed me in this state are pretty much no longer in my life. But I know that I am ok. Now several months later I have stabilized and I do not feel like I have lost my mind anymore. I used to feel ashamed at how I acted in those moments, but now I know that I was just a drugged human who was going through withdrawal. I could not help it.

 

It is the scariest thing ever to suddenly feel what we feel in withdrawal. Doctors call us crazy. What are we to believe. You just gotta keep pushing through . It will get better.

[[be...]]

I've got three decades of these drugs, a lot of them, put behind me. A little bit left to go. But yes I had a period of what I thought to be complete insanity when I was in tolerance. The drugs had become literally toxic. I sometimes feel the DR etc but now I'm very aware that I'm not crazy. As my fantastic doctor said to me "craziness is all relative". Depends one ones perspective so to stop fearing it and understand that these drugs can simply do this to us. After much reassurance it was the drugs and not me, and that no it was not a permanent state, I'm not quite stable all of the time but I'm certainly not crazy. Even if it feels that way. So best I can offer is to keep on going. You'll heal in time. I've also learned not to cut during these times. Or extremely stressful times. When I'm ready I cut. Whether it's a month or 4 days I listen carefully to my body and above all what my gut is telling me. I'm lucky because my doctor now lets me control this completely. Even in the midst of a crisis he's reassuring. He doesn't see a crazy person from his perspective but a person trying to cope with , not mental illness, but simply Benzo withdrawal. Craziness is not in his vocabulary so I took it out of mine. A person freaking out on any given medication at any given time can freak out. But are they crazy. No. It's the drug. A very drunk person son acts crazy and some people are actually amused. They don't go home and say X is crazy they say X was ACTING a bit crazy last night. All is understood and forgiven (usually).  So my best advice let those feelings pass and take crazy out of your vocabulary. B