3 months out. Feeling better but..

[[Di...]]

I'm about 2 3/4 months into my klonopin wd. My waves are less intense, tinnitus is less severe, I'm eating normally again, I'm hanging out with friends, I'm able to make plans, and do things without panicking (still happens occasionally though).  However, I am noticing that whenever I'm in a window (or just baseline) I am feeling a lot more depressed and lack motivation to do much than I did a month ago I can attribute this to a possible cause...

 

BB has scared the living hell out of me. Reading success stories help, but reading about someone going through 2 or 3 years of hell and still having symptoms makes me feel like that's what could happen to me. Reading about setbacks and re occurrence of symptoms is making me lose hope of returning to a normal life again. Whether rational or not my anxiety attaches itself to anyone of those stories and plays out going through that ordeal in my head. Time is driving me crazy. I'm just starting to get out of the suicidal stage of my story, and the more I read those stories the more I put myself into that dark place of hopelessness. I don't have many resources on this whole recovery process other than BB.. but this website might be doing more harm than good and I don't want it to be that way.

 

I'm not reinstating and kindling, I'm not taking any psych meds ever again, to me this withdrawal has become life or death. Just the pure thought of going another few months and still being in hell makes me ask if it's worth living through..

 

I would love for BB to give me the inspiration it seems to give everyone else. I just don't know where my mind should be.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

[[lo...]]

it is pretty normal what you feel. Here is a thought I had today. I'm nearly 2 months out, and this time passed so fast. the days just go one after the other. and every day is a day closer to your recovery. you might not be 100% in a month, but maybe 25% better. the hell stories are by far the minority. don't dwell on those. I had depression 2 weeks ago. pretty bad. I looked into natural supplements like st johns wort and ginkgo. (there is a ginkgo thread). depression left me completely. now it is mostly my baseline anxiety / inability to fully relax.

the winter makes things also more dark then they are (I had this great idea of moving to midwest for couple months from a sunny state)

[[Ch...]]

I am at 7 months but vividly remember 3 months...so YES, you are right where I was at 3 months...in fact, you are ahead of me on the recovery curve!!!!

I was not able to engage with life for more than 15 minutes til around 5 months and my house is still dusty and disorganized..yuck!!!

Anyway, take heart..you are in recovery and time is the great healer....I don't read regular non inspirational posts of anyone more than 4-6 months ahead of me so that I don't get anxious, and (sorry folks) I absolutely do not read problem posts from the protracted thread...out of fear, not dismissal of their worth.

Good luck....

[[Da...]]

Hi DingleMargoon, I know exactly what you mean about BB being scary, I went on the protracted forum for like 5 minutes and it scared the hell out of me. We have to learn to take these stories with a grain of salt. What we are reading is a short snippet on what is going on with the person, not the whole picture. There are a lot of drama queens running around as well. If it is scaring you then it is not working for you.

 

Each one of us is different and we heal on different schedules. Our symptoms vary. You seem to be doing very well so just stick with it. You are actually early into this although for you it probably seems like an eternity. Just hang in there you should get more relief soon.

[[je...]]

Hi DingleMargoon.  I am in the same withdrawal period as you.  Just for reassurance I am experiencing the same things as you including a lower mood and motivation issues which other buddies seem to have had around 3 months.  I've seen improvements in my recovery otherwise so that is a plus, as it should be with you.

 

Please think this over - the REALLY protracted recovery buddies are the minority.  Keep your attitude positive.  If you get too distressed with these boards just take a break from coming here.  I've had to do this twice since my taper but then returned later.  It's OK to just keep pursuing your recovery as your body needs.

 

As long as you know healing doesn't happen overnight you are one day closer to recovery.  Be well.

 

 

[[Di...]]

Thanks for the replies,

 

There are stories on here that give me a lot of hope. The stories of people taking 8 times what I was taking for 5 years, quitting ct, and recovering within 9 months are very motivational vs the horror stories. Compared to the majority of posts I've read I was taking a rather small dose and for less time. Not trying to say that I should have it easier than anyone else. But it does put it into perspective that it could be a lot worse for me if I hadn't have quit when I did, and the people that have protracted (1 year+) debilitating symptoms were taking much more than I was, some for decades. I shouldn't be thinking in terms of "its going to end by this date "but its the only thing that keeps me going right now. My goal is to be 90%+ by my  birthday 5/7.

 

The non linear healing of symptoms is so hard to find comfort in. I don't know if I'm getting better because everyday I feel different. You all probably understand this all too well.

 

BTW: locutus, has gingko made any improvement. I've read the gingko thread but have been reluctant to try it bc of the potential increase in sxs. I was also looking into SJW too. 5 htp was helping very minimally. whats your opinion on the 2?