Meaning during WD & Recovery...

[[do...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I'm struggling with how to create meaning in my days. I'm alone all the time. I'm only able to work 12-16 hours a week and even that burns me out. I see opportunities pass by me everyday. I want to develop relationships. I want a career. I just want some normalcy. But then a wave comes (or I work myself into one by pushing myself too hard to work) and I can barely stand up and NOTHING is interesting. It's like I'm an empty corpse, laying in bed endlessly checking Facebook or Twitter for ANY signs of life or human contact or entertainment or anything, really.

 

I'm trying to use art to help heal, but after working and doing all the self-care I need, I'm wiped out. It just seems like whatever I do to help myself each day is the wrong choice, ya know? I feel like I'm constantly making wrong decisions. I spent SO much time on my back in bed, that when I get window, I'm almost panicked as to what to do and how long I'll have to do it before another waves hits. And when it hits, I see everything I didn't do, instead of the one thing I did.

 

Also, is it possible to establish meaning in life when you're totally alone 90% of the time?

 

Feeling blue today 

[[bo...]]

I relate to everything you've said and yes I too am alone all the time. I'm unable to work and actually I'm so grateful I'm not forced to work at the moment because I couldn't. Being alone means I'm responsible for distracting myself from the symptoms but that's a challenge especially with roaring tinnitus month after month and anxiety and panic that make me want to turn back when I get to the end of my street! I started writing again recently but find it difficult with the Tinnitus so looking for distractions are a work in progress.

 

I guess I just want to say - your life has meaning whether that's being reflected back to you or not. You matter. You've helped me today by writing so honestly about how you're feeling. I need to hear that so I don't feel so alone in this. Keep going and thank you.

 

Bo

[[Da...]]

I know how you feel I'm going through the same thing. I need to start working but it seems so impossible. My life is just this dead space day after day and I feel like I have no purpose or I'm no longer a productive member of society. I am more like wasted space. I'm isolated and I wish I was never born. It is so terrible how all this makes you feel and just burns you out. It is just a super hard thing to go through. I hope you start to see some improvement too.

[[do...]]

I'm no longer a productive member of society. I am more like wasted space.

 

I think this is key. Thanks Davis. It's crushing, crushing loneliness.

 

Thank you for the kind words, Bo. Hope you are doing alright.